People Who Curse More Are Healthier So I’m Going To F*cking Live Forever

In some of the best news I’ve heard in a long time, I’m apparently going to live forever. Isn’t that great? Even better news is that you’re probably going to live forever too! Why? Because according to science, people who swear are basically the healthiest effing people around—no joke!

  1. Swearing makes us better at communicating. Because of course it does. If you’re not afraid to swear, then you’re sure as hell not afraid to make an effort to communicate effectively. And, if you find a fellow swearer, that sense of camaraderie makes for even more swearing and more effective communicating.
  2. Swearing makes us express ourselves more clearly. It’s one thing to tell someone you love them, but it’s another thing to tell them you effing love them. Same thing goes for every possible scenario in which the F-bomb is dropped. That word takes feelings and emotions to a whole other level. There’s a huge difference between loving someone or hating someone compared to effing loving someone or effing someone. It’s sort of amazing how much of a difference that one beautiful word makes.
  3. Swearing prevents us from being violent. According to research, because swearing allows us to be more free with our emotions, it also prevents us from being physically violent. If we open our mouths and scream out, “I effing hate your effing guts, you effing douchebag!” we’re less likely to chase after them with a hacksaw because we’ve expressed our deep disdain by taking the high road and swearing as opposed to seriously maiming them.
  4. People who swear are more honest than those who don’t. Personally, I’ve never been able to trust someone who doesn’t swear. It’s like trying to trust people who don’t like cheese – like, what the hell is wrong with you? Thanks to research, I now know my suspicion that people who don’t swear are a little wonky isn’t totally off-base. While this isn’t to suggest that all swearers are always honest and all non-swearers are piles of lying garbage, it is to say that people who swear and swear a lot tend to lie far less than their anti-cursing counterparts.
  5. People who swear have more integrity. The same study that found that swearers lie less than those who don’t also found that people who swear have higher levels of integrity. What?! And to think all these years, whenever I dropped the F-bomb in front of my mom and she asked, “Have you no integrity?” I could have answered, “I have a ton more than people who don’t swear, Mom!”
  6. Swearing makes us more tolerant of pain. Although it should come as no major surprise that screaming “fuck” after walking into a wall or falling down a flight of stairs or birthing a baby can make you feel better, researchers have also hypothesized that when we swear, it activates certain areas of the brain that release chemicals that relieve pain. And, if that wasn’t enough, these chemicals are on par with morphine, according to the researchers. You know, the really good stuff.
  7. Swearing is a sign of being smart as hell. Not that any of us need research to prove that our incessant swearing makes us the smartest people in the room, but studies have found that people who swear tend to have a larger vocabulary, as evidenced by our mass amount of swears and the witty way in which we use them. We also have higher IQs than those who skip out on the whole swearing thing. I mean, obviously.
  8. People who swear are better at working out. If you’ve ever found yourself swearing while working out, then you’re getting more out of your workouts than those who say nothing at all or opt for such things like “darn” or “oh, fudge.” One study found that people who swore while exercising performed better with every swear they dropped. Meaning, a thousand fucks a day and you could win the NYC Marathon this year!
  9. People who swear are more zen. While it might seem weird to think that some of us who “talk like a drunken sailor,” as my father has referred to my usual way of talking, as being more zen than the peaceful, non-swearer across the street, research has found that swearing creates a sense of calm. This is because it increases circulation, elevates all the right hormones, and just makes the swearer feel completely at peace. No wonder I’m so calm under any and all circumstances.
  10. So, yes, us swearers will indeed live forever. So if you take a person who’s never violent, is super zen, has a high tolerance for pain, is smart AF, is super honest, and has mastered the art of communication, what do you have? Well, yes, you have a perfect person, but you also have a person who isn’t going to die anytime soon. How effing awesome is that?
Amanda Chatel is a sexual health, mental health, and wellness journalist with more than a decade of experience. Her work has been featured in Shape, Glamour, SELF, Harper's Bazaar, The Atlantic, Forbes, Elle, Mic, Men's Health and Bustle, where she was a lifestyle writer for seven years. In 2019, The League included Amanda in their "15 Inspirational Feminists Every Single Person Should Follow on Twitter" list.

Amanda has a bachelor's degree in English and master's degree in Creative Writing from the University of New Hampshire. She divides her time between NYC, Paris, and Barcelona.

You can follow her on Instagram @la_chatel or on Twitter @angrychatel.
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