While many of us still believe in the importance of monogamous relationships, human connection in society has evolved and these days, open relationships are becoming more and more popular among modern couples. Whether because we’re finally acknowledging that it might be impossible for one person to meet all of our needs or because we’re less and less inclined to settle down with one person when there are a wealth of options out there, open relationships are thriving—and that might be a good thing for our sex lives.
A new study performed at Toronto’s York University and published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships revealed that those who engage in CNM—or consensual non-monogamy—aimed to explore the link between sexual satisfaction and relationship need fulfillment, and what they discovered was fascinating. Basically, they’re a whole lot happier with their arrangements than the rest of us.
After surveying two groups of 1,054 people who claim to be in open relationships, it was pretty evident across the board that those who felt fulfilled both sexually and emotionally in their primary relationships were more likely to feel the same in their secondary ones, a result researchers dubbed the “spillover effect.”
As the study’s authors explain, “One explanation for these additive or ‘spillover’ effects is that having multiple partners is a way for people to achieve greater sexual need fulfillment, and this, in turn, enhances each relationship.”
There’s also the effect that secondary relationships allow people to seek out need fulfillment for things their primary partners are unable or unwilling to perform. There is, of course, a downside: while men who felt fulfilled in their secondary relationships also felt better about their primary ones, women were the opposite. The more fulfilling their relationship with their secondary partners they were, the more their primary relationships fell short and caused unhappiness.
So what’s the answer here? I don’t think we’ll ever know. Open relationships may be right for some people, but I doubt monogamy is going to go out of style anytime soon. Most of us just want something a little more conventional.