People Say I ‘Moved On Quickly’ But My Ex Moved On While We Were Still Dating, So…

After I broke up with my ex after six years together, I started dating again and had a new boyfriend about three months later. I felt like that was a pretty decent amount of time after my breakup, but all my friends and some of my ex’s claimed that I moved on too quickly. Huh, that’s funny — especially since my ex moved on with another woman while we were still together, which is why we split up in the first place.

  1. I knew he was cheating on me. Part of the reason I got over my breakup pretty quickly is that my ex “moved on” by having a full-blown relationship with another woman while he was still with me. This went on for, oh, six months to a year with him actually being arrogant enough to believe that I had no idea. By that point, we weren’t really having sex anymore (the first warning sign!) so I wasn’t worried about catching anything from him, and I had a lot going on with my career and some family drama, so we were “together” but not, if you get what I’m saying.
  2. I wanted to see if he was going to tell me. I could have left him as soon as I saw the first text pop up on his lock screen from the other woman (who he’s not even with anymore, from what I’ve heard), but because I had so much other stuff going on and finding another apartment was going to take a lot of time and mental energy I didn’t have at the time, I waited him out. The fact that he’d moved on with another woman so quickly without bothering to actually end things with me first hurt, but I also wanted to see how much of a coward he was and how long it would take him to tell me.
  3. Eventually, he couldn’t hide it anymore. Towards the end of our relationship, things calmed down in my life and I found another apartment (without telling him yet, of course) and had started to move my stuff out while he was at work. I took a few days off from my job to do so, but since he had no idea, he told his bit on the side that it was cool to come over and drop some of his stuff he’d left behind at hers. I was in the shower when she came in — yes, this guy actually gave her a key! — and boy, did she get a shock. His story unraveled from there. Perfect timing!
  4. By the time he ‘fessed up, I’d already checked out. One of the reasons I moved on so “quickly” after my relationship with my ex was that I’d already resigned myself that it was only a matter of time until it was over. I had no interest in confronting him about his cheating because it wasn’t going to serve a purpose. I would never forgive him or reconcile with him and he could never explain it in a way that would make it any less gross. By the time he rushed home from work to see me and his other girlfriend in the living room, I’d stopped caring. I was moving the last of my stuff to a new place and he was free to be with her.
  5. I’ve never lost myself in my relationship and I have a good head on my shoulders. I didn’t leave the relationship with my ex intending to go out and start dating again, but mentally and emotionally, I moved on quickly. It was probably a lot easier because I’ve always maintained my independence in relationships and I can be pretty logical about things. Yes, it hurt to be betrayed by someone who supposedly loved me, but I never blamed myself or thought there was something wrong for me because he couldn’t keep it in his pants.
  6. I met someone I really liked a couple of months after leaving my ex. I’d gone back to school a few months before my breakup to get my Ph.D. and there was a guy in my class who I always sat next to and took notes with. There was nothing romantic about our connection at all at first, but we got along so well and had tons in common. We were getting our degree in the same thing, we had the same taste in music, and we both really liked Thai food. (The beginnings of romance!) Having him around as a friend during the transition of when I finally but quickly moved out from my ex’s apartment and left the relationship into my new life was actually really nice.
  7. Things progressed naturally and felt good. It was a few months later when we were at the library studying for an upcoming exam that we both kinda just realized that there was something more there. It was probably close to midnight, there weren’t a ton of other students around, we were deliriously tired, and he went to get me a coffee from the vending machine and brought it back to the study room. Something just… shifted and we both kind of knew that we’d moved from friendship to something more.
  8. I’m happier now than I ever was with my ex. My new relationship is exactly what I want. I’m with a guy who’s independent, respectful, caring, considerate, and who really cares about me. Am I dumb enough to think that the same thing could never happen again in the future? Obviously not. Am I hopeful it won’t? Definitely.
  9. If I hadn’t moved on so “quickly” from my ex, I would have really lost out. The fact that people think I moved on quickly while they sort of skirt around what my ex did to me is absolutely infuriating. However, I try not to think about it too much. At the end of the day, I’m exactly where I’m meant to be right now. If I would have held out for some unknown reason because it wasn’t what others would consider “long enough” after my breakup, I wouldn’t have such a great guy in my life now. I’m pretty at peace with my decision.
Jennifer has been the managing editor of Bolde since its launch in 2014. Before that, she was the founding editor of HelloGiggles and also worked as an entertainment writer for Bustle and Digital Spy. Her work has been published in Bon Appetit, Decider, Vanity Fair, The New York TImes, and many more.
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