Leaving a cult does not mean leaving its effects behind. The beliefs, fears, and rigid thinking that were ingrained from childhood do not just disappear overnight. For many who grew up in a cult-like environment—whether religious, ideological, or even a highly controlling family structure—adulthood comes with a unique set of challenges. The world outside feels different, sometimes even overwhelming, because they were never given the tools to navigate it freely.
Many of these traits are not obvious to the people who have them, but they shape how they interact with the world. They may struggle with authority, trust, or even simple things like making a decision without feeling paralyzed by doubt. If any of these traits resonate, know that they are not personal flaws—they are survival mechanisms learned in an environment where questioning, independence, and personal identity were discouraged.
1. They Second-Guess Every Decision They Make
Every choice, no matter how small, feels like it carries enormous weight. When you grow up in an environment where there was always a “right” and “wrong” choice—and the wrong one could have serious consequences—you become afraid of making mistakes. Even in adulthood, something as simple as picking a restaurant or deciding what to wear can trigger feelings of anxiety and self-doubt. Florida State University researchers found that people who constantly second-guess their choices are less likely to fully commit to decisions, potentially causing stress and dissatisfaction in their daily lives.
This constant second-guessing comes from years of being told what to think, how to act, and what to believe. Without an external authority dictating what is acceptable, making independent choices can feel overwhelming. Relearning how to trust yourself is a slow process, but it starts with reminding yourself that mistakes are not punishments—they are just a normal part of life.
2. They Feel Guilty For Questioning Authority Figures In Their Life
Whether it is a boss, a teacher, or even a doctor, questioning authority does not come naturally to someone raised in a cult. They were taught that obedience was a virtue and that doubting a leader’s words was dangerous or even sinful. Even when something does not sit right with them, they struggle to push back, often feeling an immediate wave of guilt for even considering it. As reported by the American Medical Association, decision fatigue can lead to avoidance behaviors and difficulty making choices, which may contribute to feelings of guilt when challenging authority.
This makes it easy for them to fall into patterns where they let others take advantage of them. They may assume that people in positions of power always have their best interests in mind, even when evidence suggests otherwise. Learning to advocate for themselves and trust their own judgment instead of automatically deferring to authority is a skill they have to consciously build.
3. They Don’t Trust Their Own Instincts
Growing up in a cult means having every belief, action, and emotion dictated by someone else. They were told what to feel, what to fear, and what was “right” without ever being allowed to develop their own instincts. As adults, this leaves them feeling disconnected from their own inner voice, constantly wondering if their feelings are valid or if they are just being irrational. Mental health experts recognize that individuals who were raised in cults often need to relearn how to think for themselves and develop their own opinions, as having independent thoughts was often discouraged or even dangerous in their past environment.
Rebuilding that trust takes time. They may need to practice making decisions without seeking approval or start small by listening to what their gut tells them in low-stakes situations. The more they learn to recognize and trust their own intuition, the less power those old voices of doubt will have over them.
4. They Don’t Get Pop Culture References
Many people who grew up in cults were shielded from mainstream culture, often being told it was dangerous, immoral, or a distraction from their “real” purpose. While their peers were watching TV shows, listening to popular music, or following major cultural events, they were living in an entirely different reality. Studies show that cults often shield members from mainstream culture, resulting in a lack of familiarity with common cultural references and experiences.
Because of this, as adults, they often feel out of place in conversations where people reference movies, songs, or historical events that everyone else seems to know. This can make them feel isolated, like they are always a few steps behind. Catching up on decades of pop culture is not easy, but the good news is that it is never too late to start exploring the things they were once forbidden from enjoying.
5. They Feel Uneasy In Relationships With Power Dynamics
Romantic relationships, workplace dynamics, and even friendships can feel complicated when someone has been conditioned to submit to authority figures. They may struggle to set boundaries with a dominant partner, feel intimidated by a strong-willed boss, or even become overly deferential in friendships without realizing it.
Because they were raised in an environment where power was absolute, they either instinctively avoid confrontation or, in some cases, unconsciously seek out relationships that mimic the hierarchy they grew up with. Learning to establish equal, healthy relationships takes practice, but it starts with recognizing that respect does not mean unquestioning obedience.
6. They’re Afraid Of Being Misunderstood Or Punished, Even As Adults
In a cult, speaking out of turn or expressing an unpopular opinion often led to serious consequences—shaming, isolation, or even physical punishment. This conditioning does not disappear just because they have left. Many adults who grew up in cults still carry the deep-seated fear that saying the wrong thing will lead to rejection or punishment.
Because of this, they may avoid difficult conversations, stay silent when they disagree with something, or go out of their way to make sure everyone around them is comfortable—even at their own expense. Recognizing that disagreement does not equal danger is one of the hardest but most necessary steps in reclaiming their voice.
7. They Don’t Understand Sarcasm Or Dark Humor
When you are raised in an environment where everything is taken at face value—especially when religious or ideological beliefs are taught as absolute truth—sarcasm and nuance can be confusing. Many cult survivors struggle with humor that relies on subtlety or contradiction because they were never encouraged to engage with ideas in a flexible way.
As adults, they may take jokes too seriously or feel confused when people say something that is not meant to be literal. Adjusting to a world where not everything has a rigid, black-and-white meaning can be difficult, but learning to appreciate humor and interpret different communication styles is part of adapting to life outside of a controlled environment.
8. They Have An Intense Fear Of Being “Wrong” About Everything
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In cults, being wrong was not just a minor mistake—it was a moral failing. People were punished for having the wrong opinions, believing the wrong things, or questioning what they were told. This instills a deep fear of being incorrect, making even small mistakes feel catastrophic.
As adults, they may become perfectionists, afraid to take risks unless they are absolutely certain they will succeed. They might struggle with decision-making or avoid new experiences because they do not want to feel like a failure. Learning that mistakes are a normal and even necessary part of life is crucial for breaking free from this fear.
9. They Get Anxious When They Don’t Have A Strict Set Of Rules To Follow
Growing up in a cult means being surrounded by a rigid set of rules dictating every aspect of life—what to wear, what to think, how to behave. As much as those rules may have felt suffocating, they also provided a sense of structure. Without them, life can feel chaotic, leaving many former members struggling with decision-making in the absence of clear guidelines.
As adults, they may find themselves gravitating toward strict routines, hyper-fixating on self-imposed rules, or even seeking out new belief systems that provide the same level of structure. While some structure is healthy, learning to embrace flexibility and uncertainty is key to truly breaking free from the conditioning that once dictated every aspect of their lives.
10. They Have A Hard Time Trusting New People
In cult environments, trust is often weaponized. Members are conditioned to believe that outsiders are dangerous, that questioning leadership is betrayal, and that even close friends could turn against them if they step out of line. This breeds deep-seated suspicion, making it difficult to form new relationships even after leaving.
As adults, they may struggle to let their guard down, fearing that people always have hidden motives. They might hesitate to share personal details, assuming that trust will only lead to future pain. Relearning how to build and maintain trust takes time, but it starts with recognizing that not everyone is out to manipulate or control them.
11. They Find Themselves Attracted To Charismatic People
Growing up in a cult means being surrounded by people who wield power through charm, persuasion, and strong personalities. Leaders often present themselves as having all the answers, making followers feel special, chosen, or uniquely understood—until they do not. This dynamic can make former members particularly susceptible to falling for charismatic figures in adulthood.
They may find themselves drawn to confident, persuasive individuals, whether in friendships, workplaces, or romantic relationships, even if those people exhibit red flags. Recognizing that charm does not always equal good intentions is a crucial part of unlearning the patterns that kept them trapped in controlling environments before.
12. They Keep Their Beliefs Private For Fear Of Judgment Or Rejection
In cults, expressing the “wrong” belief could lead to punishment, public shaming, or even excommunication. Many former members carry this fear into adulthood, instinctively keeping their thoughts to themselves to avoid conflict or rejection.
Even in safe environments, they may struggle to voice opinions, feeling as if their views are not truly their own or that saying the wrong thing will have dire consequences. Learning that it is okay to have different beliefs—and that true friendships and relationships can handle disagreements—is a critical part of reclaiming their identity.
13. They Instinctively Look For Hidden Agendas In Everything
After spending years in an environment where nothing was as it seemed—where leaders manipulated, promises were broken, and people were constantly being tested—it becomes second nature to assume everyone has an ulterior motive. They analyze conversations for underlying meanings, assume kindness must come with strings attached, and struggle to take things at face value.
While some level of skepticism is healthy, constantly looking for hidden agendas can make it difficult to form meaningful connections. Learning to distinguish between real red flags and unnecessary suspicion is essential for rebuilding trust in the world around them.
14. They Experience Deep Shame Over Very Normal Human Experiences
In many cults, basic human experiences—anger, doubt, attraction, curiosity—are framed as sinful, shameful, or signs of moral weakness. Growing up in this mindset creates a lasting sense of guilt, even over things that are completely normal and healthy.
As adults, they may feel intense shame over emotions they cannot control, struggle to embrace their own desires, or feel like they are constantly falling short of some invisible moral standard. The truth is, they were never “bad” for feeling human. Learning to accept and embrace their emotions without guilt is a crucial step toward healing.
15. They Feel Like An Outsider, Even In Places Where They Should Belong
Even after leaving the cult, many former members struggle with a lingering sense of isolation. They do not fully relate to people who grew up in the mainstream world, but they also no longer fit into the place they came from. They feel like they exist in between, never fully belonging anywhere.
This feeling of not quite fitting in can be one of the hardest to shake. But over time, as they find like-minded people who understand their journey, they begin to realize that belonging is not about where they came from—it is about the connections they choose to build moving forward.
