People Who Have a Problem With You Will Reveal It in 15 Ways

People Who Have a Problem With You Will Reveal It in 15 Ways

Not everyone who has an issue with you will come right out and say it. In fact, most people prefer to show their dislike or disapproval in subtle (and sometimes not-so-subtle) ways that can leave you wondering if you’re just being paranoid. Here’s how to spot those telltale signs that someone has a problem with you, even when they’re trying to hide it.

1. They Give You Backhanded Compliments

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Their compliments always come with a hidden barb that leaves you feeling slightly off-balance and unsure whether to say thank you or defend yourself. It might sound like “You’re so brave to wear that skirt” or “I wish I could just not care about showing up to work in whatever like you do.” They’ve perfected the art of delivering these little jabs with a sweet smile, making it hard for you to call them out without seeming overly sensitive. The real skill is in how they can make these comments in front of others who might not catch the underlying criticism, leaving you to look petty if you object. When you try to explain to others why these “compliments” hurt, you end up sounding like you’re overreacting, which is exactly what they want. According to Verywell Mind, this behavior could be because they’re jealous of you—so try not to take it too personally.

2. They Exclude You in Subtle Ways

This isn’t about obvious exclusion like not inviting you to major events. Instead, it’s the small, seemingly accidental ways they leave you out of the loop. They “forget” to copy you on important emails, have impromptu meetings right after you’ve left for lunch, or make plans right in front of you without inviting you. When confronted, they always have a perfectly reasonable explanation: “Oh, I thought you were too busy” or “I assumed you wouldn’t be interested.” They might even invite you to things at the last minute when they know you can’t make it, just so they can tell others they tried to include you. This creates a pattern of isolation that’s hard to prove but impossible to ignore. According to Kip D. Williams, PhD, a social psychologist who studies ostracism, this kind of behavior “threatens the need to maintain reasonably high self-esteem, the need to feel that you have control over your social situation, and your sense of being acknowledged and worthy of attention.

3. They Use Your Words Against You

These people have an incredible memory, but only for things they can use against you (which is a long-loved tactic of manipulators, according to Healthline). Every casual comment or minor admission becomes ammunition for future conversations. They’ll bring up things you said months ago, often out of context, to point out inconsistencies or make you look bad. If you once mentioned being tired at work, it becomes their go-to explanation for any mistake you make: “Well, you did say you have trouble focusing…” They keep a mental catalogue of your vulnerabilities and insecurities, not to understand you better, but to use them strategically in conversations. Even your jokes and lighthearted comments get stored away, ready to be weaponized at the most inconvenient moments.

4. They Create Doubt in Your Mind

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Masters of gaslighting, this type excels at making you question your own perception of events. They’ll deny saying things you clearly remember, suggest that you’re being too sensitive, or imply that you’re misinterpreting simple situations, according to the APA. When you bring up specific instances of their behavior, they have a way of turning it around so you end up apologizing for misunderstanding their “good intentions.” They might say things like “That’s not what happened at all” or “You always twist things around.” Their goal is to make you doubt your own judgment and emotional responses, creating a constant state of uncertainty about whether you’re overreacting.

5. They Time Their Attacks

These people are strategic about when they choose to create problems for you. They often wait for moments when you’re already stressed, facing other challenges, or when important opportunities are at stake. Their timing is calculated to maximize impact while maintaining plausible deniability about their intentions. They might raise “concerns” about your performance just before an important review, or bring up past issues when you’re being considered for new opportunities. Their attacks are timed not just for maximum damage, but also to make it difficult for you to respond effectively or defend yourself, according to Psych Central.

6. They Spread Rumors Through Questions

These people are experts at spreading negative information about you while maintaining plausible deniability. They’ll ask seemingly innocent questions that plant seeds of doubt about your character or abilities: “Have you noticed how they always…I’m just concerned” or “Did you hear about…I’m sure it’s nothing.” They frame their gossip as concern or casual observation, but the intent is to create a negative narrative about you. Each question is carefully crafted to make others question your competence, integrity, or character, all while they maintain the appearance of just being curious or concerned.

7. They Undermine Your Achievements

These people have a special talent for minimizing your achievements while appearing to be supportive on the surface. When you share good news, they immediately point out potential downsides or remind you of past failures. They might say things like “That’s great! Of course, the real challenge will be maintaining it” or “Wow, you got lucky with the timing there!” Their responses always include a subtle reminder that your success might be temporary or due to factors beyond your control. They’re experts at making your victories feel smaller and less significant, often by comparing them to someone else’s bigger achievements or by suggesting that anyone could have done the same thing.

8. They Withhold Information

They’ll “accidentally” forget to tell you about important deadlines, meetings, or changes in plans. When things go wrong because you weren’t informed, they express surprise that you didn’t know—after all, “everyone else seemed to get the message.” They might share partial information, leaving out crucial details that you need to succeed. This withholding creates situations where you appear unprepared or uninformed, making you look bad to others while they maintain their appearance of innocence.

9. They Use Body Language to Express Disdain

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Their nonverbal communication speaks volumes about their true feelings. You’ll catch them rolling their eyes when you speak, exchanging knowing looks with others during your presentations, or physically turning away from you in group settings. They might cross their arms when you’re talking, check their phone, or display other signs of disinterest or contempt. When called out on these behaviors, they’ll claim you’re imagining things or being paranoid. Their body language is carefully calibrated to be just subtle enough that others might not notice, but obvious enough that you can’t miss it.

10. They Take Credit for Your Work

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They have a special talent for positioning themselves to benefit from your efforts while minimizing your contribution. They’ll present your ideas as their own in meetings, jump in to take credit for successful projects you’ve led, or reshape the narrative of group efforts to emphasize their role while downplaying yours. When you try to correct the record, they’ll suggest that you’re being petty or ungenerous, often saying things like “We’re all on the same team here” or “I was just trying to help present our work effectively.” They might even preemptively mention your contribution in a minimal way, just so they can claim they acknowledged you if questioned.

11. They Use Selective Memory

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These individuals have an incredibly convenient memory—they remember every mistake you’ve made but forget their own role in problematic situations. They’ll bring up your errors from months or years ago while conveniently forgetting their similar mistakes or the context that led to those situations. When you try to remind them of their own missteps or the full picture, they dismiss your recollections as inaccurate or biased. Their selective memory serves to create a narrative where you’re consistently in the wrong while they maintain their image of perfection.

12. They Give You Impossible Tasks

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These people set you up for failure by assigning tasks with impossible deadlines, unclear instructions, or insufficient resources. When you inevitably struggle, they use this as evidence of your incompetence or unreliability. They might even offer “help” in a way that emphasizes your difficulties while highlighting their own capabilities. If you succeed despite the obstacles, they’ll find ways to minimize your achievement or suggest that the task wasn’t actually that challenging. They’re masters at creating no-win situations where you either fail or succeed in a way that they can easily dismiss.

13. They Build Alliances Against You

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Notice how they systematically create relationships with people who might be useful in undermining you. They’ll cultivate connections with your colleagues, superiors, or friends, often sharing carefully crafted versions of events that paint you in a negative light. They’re experts at building these alliances subtly, presenting themselves as reasonable while gradually influencing others’ perceptions of you. When you try to address this behavior, you find yourself facing not just them, but a network of people who have already been influenced by their perspective.

14. They Create Double Standards

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Watch how differently they react to similar situations depending on who’s involved. When you make a minor mistake, it becomes a major issue requiring discussion and correction. When they or their favorites make the same mistake, it’s quickly dismissed or excused. They’ll criticize you for behaviors they regularly exhibit themselves, seeming completely blind to their own hypocrisy. If you point out these double standards, they’ll have elaborate explanations for why the situations are “completely different,” making you feel unreasonable for even making the comparison.

15. They Dismiss Your Feelings

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When you express concerns or emotions about something, these people have a way of making your feelings seem invalid or unreasonable. They use phrases like “You’re being too sensitive” or “It’s not that big a deal” to minimize your emotional responses. If you’re excited about something, they’ll point out why you shouldn’t be. If you’re worried, they’ll tell you you’re overthinking it, but not in a supportive way—rather in a way that makes you feel foolish for having those feelings in the first place. They might even compare your reactions to others: “Well, Brooke didn’t get upset when this happened to her.”

Danielle is a lifestyle writer with over 10 years of experience crafting relatable content for both major media companies and startups.