Have you ever felt lonely despite having a full social calendar or a big group of friends? It’s a confusing and isolating experience. Certain habits might be holding you back from forming genuine, meaningful connections, making you feel lonely even in a crowd. Here are 15 behaviors that might contribute to this feeling, plus advice on turning things around for more meaningful relationships.
1. They Crave the Spotlight
When you’re with friends, you might constantly seek attention, exaggerate stories, and always want to be the center of attention. This can leave others feeling overlooked and disconnected from you.
How to Fix It: Focus on having genuine, balanced interactions and conversations. Let others talk about their experiences and practice active listening. Authentic connections are built on mutual exchanges, not by someone dominating the spotlight.
2. They Struggle to Open Up
You may have friends, but if you keep conversations surface-level and avoid sharing your deeper feelings, people can’t truly connect with or trust you. This can increase loneliness, as you feel like no one knows or gets the real you.
How to Fix It: Open up to one trusted friend. Vulnerability can feel uncomfortable, but it’s the key to creating stronger, more authentic relationships. Sharing your true feelings sets you free, and people will be more understanding and supportive of you.
3. They Only Scratch the Surface
Having many acquaintances but no close friends can make you feel disconnected and isolated. It’s hard to feel truly connected when you don’t invest in relationships or keep things superficial and on the surface. Go deeper and have the tough conversations.
How to Fix It: Make time to cultivate deeper connections with a few close friends. Having a small, close-knit circle of people who really know you is more fulfilling than a large group of surface-level friendships.
4. They Use Humor as a Shield of Protection
Constantly cracking jokes and keeping things light-hearted might be your way of deflecting from emotions and avoiding intimacy and connection. While humor can put people at ease and make you fun, it can also make your connections seem superficial.
How to Fix It: It’s okay to joke, but show that you can be present, serious, and thoughtful. Sharing your true self and emotions builds stronger, more solid connections, and people will be able to support you when you need them.
5. They Bail on Plans
It may be a sign of emotional disconnection if you often cancel plans or feel unexcited about social activities. Avoiding social interactions can make loneliness worse over time.
How to Fix It: Even when you don’t feel up for it, push yourself to attend social events or spend time with friends. Sometimes, the effort to connect leads to meaningful interactions that can lift your spirits.
6. They Fall into the Comparison Trap
A surefire way to feel lonely and inadequate is to constantly compare yourself and your social life to others, especially on social media. It can seem like everyone else has a more exciting life and fulfilling relationships, but that’s an illusion.
How to Fix It: Focus more on your positive qualities. Everyone’s experiences and life journey differ, so stop comparing yourself to theirs, as this only fuels insecurity and unhappiness. Write a gratitude journal for everything you love about yourself and your life.
7. They Overshare Online
Constantly posting updates, heavily filtered images, and TMI on social media is your way of projecting a happy, busy image. You are trying to appear to be thriving and have close friendships despite that lonely feeling you can’t shake in real life.
How to Fix It: Balance your online presence with face-to-face interactions. Real-life connections are more fulfilling than the fleeting and disingenuous validation of online likes or comments.
8. They Avoid Deep Talks
If you fear or avoid personal or emotional conversations, you create an invisible barrier to genuine connection. Surface-level chats don’t deepen bonds; you’ll never feel truly understood.
How to Fix It: Try engaging in deeper conversations with your friends. Sharing personal experiences and challenging emotions will reveal a new side of you and make you feel seen and less isolated.
9. They Self-Isolate When Alone
A tendency to self-isolate is a protection mechanism because you feel overwhelmed or unworthy. If you have the opportunity to socialize but choose to stay home or avoid interaction, it can lead to feelings of depression and loneliness.
How to Fix It: Use your alone time for self-care and reflection. Embrace the time to recharge and process our emotions, but make an effort to reach out to friends and go out even when you’re not feeling it to feel more connected.
10. They Seek Constant Validation
If you look for and rely on reassurance or approval from friends, it could be a sign of insecurity. Trying to fit in or act a certain way can leave you feeling empty and disconnected.
How to Fix It: Work on building your self-confidence. Recognize your worth and achievements and remind yourself you don’t need others to validate you or your life. When you have inner confidence, you show up more authentically in relationships.
11. They Strive for Perfection
Striving for perfection and trying to appear to have it all worked out in front of your friends can be exhausting. It can make you feel down on yourself and create a wall between you and others, making it harder to form authentic connections.
How to Fix It: Embrace your imperfections and allow others to see your flaws. Remind yourself that you are human, that perfection doesn’t exist, and that you are constantly changing and growing. When you get real, people will feel more at ease in your presence.
12. They have Epic Mood Swings
Feeling lonely or like your life and friendships lack depth and meaning can lead to more emotional meltdowns. Your moods become dysregulated, and you can swing between sadness, irritability, and anger and become out of sync with those around you.
How to Fix It: Be mindful of your emotional patterns and triggers. If your mood swings are starting to affect your social life, well-being, and friendships, take stock and talk to a mental health professional for guidance and support.
13. They Engage in Self-Destructive Behavior
Sometimes, loneliness can trigger us to adopt unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as drinking too much, overeating, or isolating ourselves. These behaviors can impact your mental and physical health, push people away, and deepen your loneliness.
How to Fix It: Pay attention to your emotions and stress levels and commit to healthier coping strategies, like exercise, meditation, eating a well-balanced diet, and focusing more on your passions and creative outlets. Addressing the root causes of why you feel lonely with a therapist can also help you feel more connected.
14. They Overcommit Socially
There’s no point in overcommitting, overdelivering, and putting yourself at risk of burnout. Agreeing to too many social engagements might be your way to people please and stop you from feeling lonely, but it can lead to shallow interactions and take a toll on your well-being.
How to Fix It: Be realistic, set boundaries around your time, and prioritize quality over quantity in your social life. Focus on the events and people that matter or that you enjoy rather than trying to stay busy for the sake of it.
15. They Feel Like Outsiders
If you feel like you don’t fully fit in or belong even when with a large group of friends, you could be surrounding yourself with the wrong people. You may also tend to blend in or please people, which is a fast track to feeling alone.
How to Fix It: Reflect on where you feel most comfortable and reassess the people to whom you devote your time and energy. Having a few close friends is better than an army of acquaintances. Seek out groups or activities that align better with your values and interests.
