People who lack empathy don’t necessarily mean to be hurtful, but their words and actions can come across as dismissive, insensitive, or even cruel. They struggle to recognize when someone needs emotional support and often react in ways that minimize or invalidate others’ feelings. Whether they brush off serious concerns, respond with empty platitudes, or act indifferent when someone is vulnerable, their behavior can make people feel unheard and unimportant. Here are some of the things they say and do that unintentionally hurt people’s feelings.
1. “Just Get Over It”
Few things shut down a conversation faster than being told to “just get over it.” When someone is struggling, they don’t need to hear that their emotions are an inconvenience. This phrase minimizes their pain and makes them feel weak for not being able to instantly move on. It implies that their emotions are excessive or unnecessary, which can make them feel embarrassed or ashamed for even bringing it up. Instead of helping, it leaves them feeling alone with their struggles, as if no one cares enough to understand. According to Healthline, “Telling someone to ‘just get over it’ can be incredibly dismissive and may worsen feelings of anxiety or depression”.
Empathetic people recognize that healing isn’t an overnight process. Telling someone to “just get over it” ignores the fact that emotions take time to process. Even if the situation seems trivial to an outsider, it might be deeply personal to the person experiencing it. The kindest thing you can do is acknowledge their pain rather than dismissing it. A simple “That sounds really tough” or “I’m here if you need to talk” can go a long way in making someone feel supported instead of silenced.
2. “Toughen Up, Buttercup”
On the surface, this phrase might seem like a playful way to tell someone to be strong, but it’s actually pretty dismissive. It suggests that their feelings are a sign of weakness rather than a normal human response to a difficult situation. When someone is hurting, the last thing they need is to be told to “toughen up” as if their emotions are a personal failing. It sends the message that vulnerability is something to be ashamed of rather than a natural part of life. Psych Central reports that phrases like “toughen up” can be a form of emotional invalidation, which “can be hurtful, but learning to recognize it might help prevent its effects”.
People who say this often believe they’re helping by encouraging resilience, but it usually has the opposite effect. Instead of feeling supported, the person on the receiving end may feel isolated, like their pain isn’t valid enough to be acknowledged. True strength isn’t about suppressing emotions—it’s about working through them with support and understanding. A better approach would be to listen and offer encouragement without making someone feel like they need to prove their toughness just to be taken seriously.
3. Laughing Off Serious Concerns as “Drama”
Dismissing someone’s problems as “drama” is a quick way to make them feel ridiculous for opening up. People who lack empathy often use this tactic to avoid engaging with emotions they don’t understand or don’t want to deal with. By calling someone’s concerns dramatic, they shift the blame onto the person expressing them rather than addressing the actual issue. As noted by the University of Rochester Medical Center, “refusing to hear you” is a form of emotional invalidation, which can include “silencing you when you express yourself, or simply not responding to your words at all”.
Over time, this kind of response can discourage people from sharing their feelings at all. No one wants to be labeled as “dramatic” just for expressing emotions, and repeatedly being dismissed like this can make someone shut down completely. Instead of trivializing someone’s concerns, a more compassionate response would be to ask questions and try to understand why they feel the way they do. Even if the problem seems small from the outside, it’s meaningful to them—and that alone should be reason enough to listen.
4. “People Have It So Much Worse”
While it’s true that someone, somewhere, is always dealing with something worse, that doesn’t make another person’s pain any less real. Saying this isn’t comforting—it’s invalidating. It makes people feel guilty for struggling, as if they’re not “allowed” to feel upset because someone else has bigger problems. Pain isn’t a competition, and minimizing someone’s feelings by comparing them to others doesn’t help them feel any better. HealthCentral advises against saying “It could be worse” to someone struggling with depression, as “comparisons to other people fighting other battles are rarely useful” and can make the person feel ashamed.
The ironic thing is that people who say this rarely apply it to themselves. When they’re having a bad day, they expect understanding, not a lecture on how someone else has it worse. True empathy means acknowledging someone’s pain without trying to measure its worth. Instead of shutting them down with comparisons, a better approach would be to simply listen and show support. People don’t open up because they want to be reminded of global suffering—they just want someone to care.
5. “Being Sad Never Helped Anyone”
This phrase completely misses the point of emotions. Sadness isn’t something people choose for fun—it’s a natural response to loss, disappointment, or hardship. Telling someone that being sad “doesn’t help” makes it seem like their feelings are a waste of time. But the truth is, emotions aren’t problems that need to be solved; they’re experiences that need to be processed. Dismissing sadness like this can make people feel like they’re failing for not being able to “snap out of it.”
Ironically, trying to suppress sadness usually makes it worse. People need space to work through their emotions, not pressure to pretend everything is fine. A much more supportive response would be something like, “I know this is hard. Do you want to talk about it?” Acknowledging someone’s pain without trying to fix it or rush them through it shows real empathy. Being there for someone while they process their emotions is far more helpful than telling them to force happiness.
6. Changing the Subject the Second a Conversation Gets Emotional
People who lack empathy often get uncomfortable when emotions enter the conversation, so they dodge them by changing the subject. It’s their way of avoiding discomfort, but for the person opening up, it feels like an abrupt dismissal. When someone is sharing something vulnerable and the other person immediately shifts gears—talking about the weather, their plans, or literally anything else—it sends a clear message: “I don’t care enough to hear this.”
Over time, this kind of behavior makes people feel like their emotions are a burden. They may start to believe that their feelings aren’t worth discussing because no one is willing to listen. Emotional conversations don’t always need solutions—sometimes, people just need to be heard. Instead of shutting things down, a better response would be to acknowledge what’s being shared and engage with it, even if it’s uncomfortable. Listening with patience and curiosity can make a world of difference.
7. “They’re Just Jealous”
Dismissing someone’s pain by chalking it up to jealousy is an easy way to avoid taking their concerns seriously. When someone vents about being mistreated or feeling hurt, and the response is, “Oh, they’re just jealous,” it shifts the focus away from the real issue. While jealousy can sometimes be a factor, assuming it’s always the reason invalidates what the person is actually experiencing. It suggests that their feelings aren’t about what happened but about how they’re interpreting it, which can feel incredibly dismissive.
This phrase can also prevent meaningful conversations from happening. Instead of looking deeper into why someone is upset, it encourages them to brush it off as someone else’s problem. A more empathetic approach would be to acknowledge their feelings and ask questions like, “That sounds frustrating—what happened exactly?” People need validation and understanding, not quick explanations that minimize their experiences.
8. “Who Cares?”
When someone shares something personal or meaningful to them, hearing “Who cares?” in response is like a slap in the face. It’s a statement that immediately devalues whatever they were trying to express. Whether they’re opening up about a personal struggle, an interest, or an accomplishment, this response makes it clear that their feelings and experiences are unimportant. It’s one of the quickest ways to make someone feel small and insignificant.
The reality is, even if something doesn’t seem important to you, it matters to the person sharing it. Dismissing it outright doesn’t just hurt—it discourages them from sharing anything with you in the future. A little effort in showing interest, even in things you don’t personally care about, goes a long way in making people feel valued. If you don’t know what to say, a simple “Tell me more” or “That’s interesting” can keep the conversation open instead of shutting it down.
9. Rolling Their Eyes When Someone Shares Their Feelings
Eye-rolling might seem like a small reaction, but it speaks volumes. It’s a passive but very clear way of saying, “I don’t take you seriously.” When someone is sharing their emotions and the response is an exaggerated eye-roll, it immediately makes them feel dismissed. It’s a sign of impatience, annoyance, or even contempt—none of which make for a supportive interaction.
What makes this even worse is that eye-rolling is a silent form of invalidation. Unlike words, which can be explained or retracted, a dismissive gesture is harder to call out. It leaves the other person feeling foolish for even trying to open up. Instead of responding with irritation, a more empathetic approach would be to listen, acknowledge, and show basic respect. Even if you don’t fully understand someone’s emotions, meeting them with patience instead of condescension makes all the difference.
10. “It Wouldn’t Bother Me”
Just because something wouldn’t bother you doesn’t mean it shouldn’t bother someone else. People process emotions differently, and what seems like a non-issue to one person can feel like a big deal to another. When someone says, “I wouldn’t be upset about that,” it minimizes the other person’s feelings and suggests that they’re overreacting. It’s a way of positioning oneself as more rational or emotionally superior, which is never helpful in a vulnerable moment.
Empathy means recognizing that people have different sensitivities, experiences, and emotional responses. Instead of comparing someone’s feelings to your own, a better response would be, “That sounds frustrating. Do you want to talk about it?” Validation doesn’t mean you have to agree with how someone feels—it just means acknowledging that their emotions are real and deserve respect.
11. “Do We Have to Talk About This Right Now?”
When someone is opening up about something that matters to them, being hit with “Do we have to talk about this right now?” feels like being pushed aside. It suggests that their emotions are an inconvenience rather than something worth discussing. While it’s understandable that not every moment is ideal for deep conversations, shutting someone down in the middle of their vulnerability can make them feel rejected.
If the timing truly isn’t great, there’s a more compassionate way to handle it. Instead of making them feel like they’re being a bother, try saying, “I really want to hear you out, but can we talk about this in a little bit when I can give it my full attention?” That way, they know you’re not dismissing them—you just want to be present for the conversation when you’re in the right headspace.
12. “No One Likes a Debbie Downer”
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to keep things positive, but shutting someone down by calling them a “Debbie Downer” does more harm than good. It sends the message that their feelings are unwelcome, that expressing sadness or frustration makes them a burden. While negativity can be draining, people don’t usually open up because they want to spread misery—they do it because they need support.
Instead of making someone feel guilty for their emotions, a better response would be to acknowledge their feelings while gently steering the conversation in a more hopeful direction. Saying, “That sounds really hard—how are you holding up?” shows that you care while still keeping the discussion from becoming overwhelmingly negative. Empathy doesn’t mean absorbing someone’s pain, but it does mean giving them space to express it without judgment.
13. Going on Their Phone When Someone Vents to Them
Few things are more frustrating than pouring your heart out to someone who’s scrolling through their phone. It’s one of the most blatant ways to show disinterest, even if it’s not intentional. When someone is venting, they’re looking for validation and connection, not a half-listening response while you check texts or social media. This kind of behavior makes people feel unimportant, like whatever is on the screen is more valuable than what they’re saying.
Even if you think you can multitask, it’s always better to give someone your full attention when they’re opening up. Put the phone down, make eye contact, and engage with what they’re saying. It doesn’t take much to show someone that they matter, but being distracted by your phone sends the opposite message. A few minutes of undivided attention can make a huge difference in how supported and heard someone feels.
14. “Wow, You’re Still Upset About That?”
This phrase makes it seem like there’s an expiration date on emotions, as if someone should be “over it” by now. But emotions don’t work on a set timeline—some things take longer to process than others. Saying this doesn’t just dismiss someone’s pain, it also makes them feel like they’re wrong for still feeling it. It implies that they’re holding onto something unnecessarily, which can add shame to an already difficult situation.
Instead of rushing someone through their emotions, a better approach would be to ask, “Has it been tough moving past that?” This leaves room for conversation instead of shutting it down. Healing isn’t a race, and people deserve the space to process things at their own pace without being made to feel like they’re dragging out their emotions for no reason.
15. “I Wouldn’t Take It Personally If I Were You”
This phrase might seem like advice, but it often comes across as dismissive. Telling someone not to take something personally ignores the fact that they already do. It suggests that their emotional reaction is a choice rather than a natural response to how they were treated. While some situations may not be personal, that doesn’t mean they don’t feel that way, and dismissing that reality can make someone feel even worse.
A better response would be, “That must have hurt—do you want to talk about it?” This validates their experience instead of telling them how they should feel. Empathy isn’t about removing someone’s emotions—it’s about understanding them.
