Sometimes, we meet people with all the confidence in the world, but something feels off. They act self-assured and like they’ve got it all together, but their actions tell a different story. Here are some common behaviors of people who project confidence to mask that they are secretly struggling and deeply insecure.
1. They Love to Brag
You know the type—they’re always talking about their latest achievement, how good they are at something, or the shiny new thing they just bought. They might be proud, but constant bragging can be a sign that they seek validation because they don’t feel good enough. The need to highlight their successes helps them feel more important, and praise helps them convince themselves and everyone else that they matter.
2. They’re Quick to Criticize
Underconfident people always point out other people’s flaws or mistakes. They tear people down to deflect attention from their insecurities and project a false sense of superiority. Putting others down boosts their self-esteem, but it’s fleeting and can make them feel worse. People don’t respect someone who is constantly criticizing and judging others.
3. They Brush Off Compliments
When you compliment an insecure person, and they downplay it or make a joke about it, it might seem like they’re being humble. The truth is that they find it hard to accept praise because it makes them uncomfortable and clashes with their negative self-view. They can even feel guilty when someone compliments them because it exaggerates their imposter syndrome.
4. They Always Have to Be Right
These people always need to have the last word or prove their point, no matter how trivial. It’s not just a strong desire to win an argument; it’s a way to protect their fragile self-esteem at all costs. Being wrong feels like a personal failure and stems from a fear of being perceived as inadequate or not very smart.
5. They Need Constant Reassurance
When someone is deeply insecure, they need to be reassured about everything. Whether it’s about their looks, career, or social life, they need others to tell them they’re doing okay. This reliance on external validation helps keep feelings of not being good enough at bay. Their self-worth depends on others’ opinions, and they don’t trust their judgment.
6. They Struggle with Envy
Instead of being happy for others, they are riddled with jealousy and will resort to passive-aggressive comments when someone achieves something. It’s not that they don’t want people to be successful—it just reinforces their insecurities and feelings of inadequacy. They’re likely trapped in the vicious cycle of constantly comparing themselves to others and consumed by envy.
7. They Are Flashy
They always show off and try to flex that they are winning in life. Whether it’s a fancy new car, buying expensive clothes, or posting a luxury vacation on social media, acting confident and in control is a cover-up for their insecurities. They equate material possessions with success and use them to fill an internal void.
8. They Never Show Vulnerability
They keep every conversation lighthearted and steer clear of anything too personal. Never being able to be vulnerable is because they worry it will reveal their weaknesses and shatter the confident persona they’ve tried so hard to cultivate. Being judged is one of their biggest fears, so they never open up or act authentically.
9. They’re Super Competitive
Ever notice “confident” people turn everything into a competition? They strive to be the best at everything, even if it’s just a casual game or conversation. Winning gives them a sense of control, boosts their ego, and helps them feel like they measure up against others. Nothing is ever about just having fun—it’s about proving themselves and trying to validate their self-worth.
10. They Dominate Conversations
They tend to steer every conversation back to them and do most of the talking. This isn’t about being confident but avoiding feeling vulnerable or out of control. They struggle to share the spotlight or listen to others, so they talk incessantly to feel seen, heard and in charge.
11. They’re Defensive About Criticism
Even the smallest piece of constructive feedback can set them off. When faced with criticism, they immediately get defensive or lash out because it threatens their self-esteem. They also worry that their cover will be blown and their carefully constructed, confident self-image will crumble—they need everyone to think they’re perfect.
12. They’re Obsessed With Their Image
They’re obsessed over how they look, what people think of them, and how many likes they get on social media. This focus on their image shows they are not comfortable or confident in their skin. Controlling their image and maintaining a facade is a way to control how others see them and to avoid judgment.
13. They Use Perfectionism As a Shield
They are their worst critics and strive to be perfect in everything they do. This relentless pursuit is a way to compensate for deep-seated feelings of inadequacy, but it means they are never satisfied with their achievements. They equate being perfect with being accepted, and exposing any flaw feels like a failure that confirms their insecurities.
14. They Constantly Interrupt
They aren’t trying to be rude, but insecure people tend to talk over other people in conversations. Interrupting is a way to assert dominance and control and keep the focus on them, to avoid questions or any chance of feeling vulnerable. This reveals a fear of being overshadowed or challenged in their interactions.
15. They Over-Apologize
Insecure people say “sorry” all the time, even when something doesn’t warrant an apology. It might seem super polite, but over-apologizing can indicate a deep fear of being a burden or doing something wrong. Over-apologizing is a way to help them avoid criticism or rejection and defuse any potential conflict.
