Talking about feelings isn’t easy for everyone. Some people just don’t know how to put their emotions into words, so instead of opening up, they turn to subtle behaviors to communicate what’s going on inside. These behaviors might fly under the radar, but if you pay close attention, you can see what they’re really trying to say without actually saying it. Here are 13 subtle things people who struggle to express their feelings often do.
1. They Withdraw from Conversations
When someone is having a hard time expressing how they feel, they might go quiet, give one-word answers, or even physically pull back. It’s not that they don’t care; they just don’t know what to do when it comes to the emotional stuff, so they step back to avoid it altogether.
2. They Use Humor to Dodge the Deep Stuff
You’ve probably seen this before—someone makes a joke when things start getting too serious. Humor can be a great way to break the tension, but for some, it’s also a way to steer clear of talking about tough feelings. If someone always cracks a joke when things get emotional, it’s most likely their way of avoiding vulnerability.
3. They Change the Subject
Have you ever tried to talk about something serious, only for the person to change the subject out of nowhere? People who aren’t comfortable with their emotions will quickly shift gears to something safer. It’s like a subtle “let’s not go there” without actually having to say it.
4. They Get Passive-Aggressive
When someone can’t express their feelings directly—especially negative ones like frustration or anger—it often leaks out in passive-aggressive ways. They might make sarcastic comments, give backhanded compliments, or just go silent. Don’t get too offended—it’s their way of showing they’re upset without having to actually say, “I’m upset.”
5. They Go Overboard with Kindness
This one can be tricky because it’s easy to miss. Sometimes, people will be extra nice or overly agreeable when they’re actually feeling the opposite. It’s their way of trying to mask their real emotions by being super accommodating. They do this because they might not know how to deal with their deeper feelings, so they kill you with kindness.
6. They Bottle It Up Until They Can’t Anymore
If someone doesn’t know how to talk about their feelings as they come up, they’ll often keep it all bottled up—until they can’t. Then, one day, they explode. You might find they’re snapping over something small, and the next minute, they’re suddenly breaking down in tears. It’s not that they’re overreacting to the moment; it’s that they’ve been holding in so much for so long, and now it’s all coming out at once.
7. Their Body Language Does the Talking
Even if someone isn’t saying what they’re feeling, their body language will give them away. Maybe they’re crossing their arms, avoiding eye contact, or fidgeting when they’re uncomfortable. Though these are subtle clues, they can speak volumes about how they’re really feeling, even if they can’t find the words to express it.
8. They Avoid Conflict Like the Plague
People who aren’t good at expressing their feelings tend to run from conflict. Instead of addressing what’s bothering them, they’ll either stay quiet or agree with whatever’s being said, even if they don’t really mean it. They want to keep the peace at all costs, but what happens is that they’ll build up resentment over time because they don’t know how to deal with their own emotions.
9. They Distract Themselves by Being Busy
When someone doesn’t want to deal with their feelings, they often throw themselves into work, hobbies, or any kind of distraction. Being busy gives them an excuse to avoid thinking about or talking about what’s going on inside. Don’t mistake this for them not caring—it’s just easier to stay in motion than to sit with uncomfortable emotions.
10. They Get Vague with Their Words
Instead of being upfront about how they’re feeling, someone who struggles to express their emotions might get super vague. You’ll hear things like “I’m fine,” “It’s whatever,” or “I don’t know” when something’s clearly bothering them. They don’t know how to articulate their feelings, so they go for the simplest responses.
11. They Shut Down Emotionally
When things get too intense, some people just totally emotionally shut down. They become distant, cold, or silent. This emotional detachment is their way of protecting themselves from feeling too much. They might not be ready to process or express their feelings, so they just go radio silent instead.
12. They Get Defensive Easily
If you press someone who’s uncomfortable with their feelings, they might respond by getting defensive. Even a simple, well-meaning question like “How are you?” or “What’s wrong?” can cause them to snap and go on the defense. This defensiveness is often a sign that they’re struggling to find the words or feel vulnerable about what they’re dealing with.
13. They Show Their Feelings Through Actions
Not everyone is great with words, so some people will express their emotions through actions instead. They might make you a cup of coffee, run errands for you, or do something thoughtful as a way to say “I care” or “I’m sorry.” Though you might not hear them say “I’m sorry” or get candid about their feelings, their actions say everything they can’t.