People Who Were Bullied As Kids Often Have 15 Challenges As Adults

People Who Were Bullied As Kids Often Have 15 Challenges As Adults

Bullying doesn’t just stay in the past—it follows people well into adulthood, shaping the way they interact with others, how they see themselves, and even how they handle conflict. The scars of childhood bullying don’t just disappear with time, and many people who experienced it as kids still face lingering effects in their daily lives.

1. They Assume Everyone In Life Is Secretly Out To Get Them

When you’ve spent years bracing for insults, mockery, or exclusion, it’s hard to believe that people are genuinely kind. Many adults who were bullied as kids struggle to trust others because their formative experiences taught them that cruelty can be lurking behind even the most innocent interactions. They enter new relationships—whether friendships, professional connections, or romantic partnerships—waiting for the other shoe to drop. According to a study published in the Psychreg Journal of Psychology, adults who experienced bullying in childhood often report feelings of perceived loneliness and a lack of trust in social situations.

Even when people treat them well, they can’t help but wonder if there’s an ulterior motive. Are they being set up for a joke? Are they only being included because of pity? They’ve spent so much time assuming the worst that it’s become second nature. Even when they try to let their guard down, the fear of betrayal lingers, making it hard to relax in social situations.

2. They Struggle To Fit In And Become Social Pariahs At Work

For many former victims of bullying, the workplace can feel eerily similar to the schoolyard. The cliques, the power struggles, the unwritten social rules—it all brings back the same anxieties they experienced as kids. They often feel like outsiders, unsure of how to navigate office politics or fit into workplace culture. Even in professional environments, they can’t shake the feeling that they’re the odd one out. As reported by the Michigan Psychological Association, individuals with adult post-bullying syndrome commonly struggle with trust and self-esteem issues, which can affect their ability to fit in at work.

As a result, they might isolate themselves or overcompensate by trying too hard to be liked. They may struggle with asserting themselves in meetings, fearing they’ll be shot down or ridiculed. They also tend to take workplace drama more personally than others, constantly wondering if they’re being talked about behind their backs. No matter how much they achieve professionally, they can’t escape the feeling that they’re still that same kid being left out on the playground.

3. They Can’t Move Forward Because The Past Still Haunts Them

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Bullying doesn’t just leave emotional scars—it leaves a constant loop of past pain playing in the back of their minds. No matter how much time has passed, they still replay those moments of humiliation, rejection, or cruelty, as if they happened yesterday. They might be successful, happy, and surrounded by supportive people, yet a single reminder of their past can bring all those old feelings rushing back. Research from the University of Central Florida suggests that childhood bullying can have a lasting impact on adult romantic relationships, including issues with attachment and trust.

They wonder if they’ll ever fully escape what happened to them. Even as adults, they may still feel the sting of words spoken decades ago. It’s not that they want to dwell on the past—it’s that their mind refuses to let it go. Until they actively work through those traumas, moving forward can feel impossible.

4. They Overanalyze Every Awkward Interaction For Days

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When you’ve been conditioned to expect criticism, even the smallest awkward exchange can feel like a personal attack. Formerly bullied kids tend to replay conversations in their heads, dissecting every pause, every tone shift, and every facial expression. Did they say something wrong? Did the other person secretly think they were weird? Did they just embarrass themselves without realizing it? A study published in the Psychreg Journal of Psychology found that being a victim of bullying can reduce trust levels in adulthood which is why they tend to overthink even the smallest social interactions.

What might be a forgettable moment for others can spiral into a full-blown self-doubt session for them. They convince themselves they’re being judged or ridiculed, even if nothing actually happened. Their brain automatically assumes the worst, making social interactions far more stressful than they need to be.

5. They Can’t Accept A Compliment Without Expecting A Punchline

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When they were younger, compliments often came with a cruel twist—praise that turned into sarcasm, kindness that was actually mockery. Because of this, adults who were bullied struggle to take compliments at face value. Even when someone genuinely means it, their first instinct is to assume there’s a catch.

They may downplay praise, brush it off, or awkwardly try to change the subject. Compliments don’t feel like a boost to their self-esteem—they feel like a setup. Their gut reaction is to assume they’re being tricked, and no amount of reassurance can fully undo years of conditioning.

6. They Feel Out Of Place In Groups, Even With People They Like

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No matter how warm and welcoming a group may be, they always feel like they’re on the outside looking in. Years of exclusion have made them hyper-aware of social dynamics, and they constantly feel like they’re not fully part of the circle. Even with friends who genuinely care about them, they worry they’re just being tolerated rather than truly wanted.

This leads them to hold back in social settings, hesitant to fully engage for fear of being rejected. They might overthink their words, keep their opinions to themselves, or assume that people secretly don’t enjoy their company. The fear of being the “outsider” never fully leaves them, no matter how much they try to shake it.

7. They Second-Guess Friendships, Thinking They’re Just The ‘Backup’

Even when they have good friends, they can’t shake the feeling that they’re not the first choice. They assume they’re the friend people call when no one else is available, the one who gets invited out of obligation rather than genuine desire. It’s not that their friends have given them a reason to think this—it’s that their past has conditioned them to believe they’re never anyone’s priority.

Because of this, they may hesitate to reach out or make plans, afraid of seeming like they’re imposing. They convince themselves that their friendships are fragile, always one misstep away from falling apart. The idea that people genuinely enjoy their presence feels foreign to them, no matter how much evidence there is to prove otherwise.

8. They Feel Secretly Competitive With Their Childhood Bullies

They may no longer be in contact with the people who tormented them, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t keeping tabs. Many adults who were bullied still check up on their childhood bullies, whether it’s scrolling through their social media, hearing updates through mutual acquaintances, or even secretly hoping they’re not doing well.

It’s not about revenge—it’s about validation. They want proof that they “won” in the end, that they’ve built a better life than the people who once made them feel worthless. They tell themselves they don’t care, but deep down, there’s still a small part of them that’s seeking closure in the form of success.

9. They Never Learned How To Stand Up For Themselves

When you’ve spent years being targeted, standing up for yourself doesn’t come naturally. Many adults who were bullied as kids never learned how to advocate for their own needs or push back when someone crosses the line. They were conditioned to believe that speaking up would only make things worse, so they default to silence even when they’re being mistreated.

As adults, this can manifest in unhealthy relationships, workplace struggles, or a general inability to assert boundaries. They might let people take advantage of them because they don’t know how to say no. Even when they recognize they’re being disrespected, they hesitate to push back, fearing the same rejection they faced in childhood. Until they actively unlearn this pattern, they often find themselves stuck in situations where they’re undervalued and unheard.

10. They Become Intensely Anxious Around New People

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Meeting new people should be exciting, but for those who were bullied, it’s often a source of stress. Every new interaction feels like a test they’re bound to fail. They overthink their words, worry about making the wrong impression, and assume that the people around them are secretly judging every move they make.

Even in casual settings, they feel the weight of their past experiences shaping their present reactions. Instead of entering new friendships with an open mind, they’re hyper-aware of every social cue, looking for signs that they’re being rejected. This anxiety makes it difficult to relax, connect naturally, and trust that people actually want to get to know them.

11. They Still Stalk Their Childhood Bullies On Social Media

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They may have moved on in theory, but that doesn’t mean they don’t occasionally (or frequently) check up on the people who tormented them. Whether it’s out of morbid curiosity, lingering resentment, or the need to know if their bullies have changed, they find themselves scrolling through social media, looking for updates.

Sometimes they hope to see their former bullies struggling, other times they’re looking for proof that they’ve grown into better people. Either way, their past still has a hold on them. Even when they tell themselves it doesn’t matter anymore, the fact that they keep checking means some part of them is still seeking closure they never got.

12. They Develop A Defense Complex And Expect The Worst

When you’ve spent years being the target of jokes, insults, or exclusion, you start to assume that everyone around you is capable of the same cruelty. Adults who were bullied as kids often develop a defense mechanism where they brace themselves for negativity before it even happens. Even in safe environments, they’re on guard, expecting to be laughed at, ignored, or judged.

This defensive mindset makes it hard for them to truly enjoy relationships, careers, or social settings. Instead of embracing new experiences, they go into them with the assumption that something will go wrong. Their past has trained them to always be on high alert, making it difficult to trust others or let their guard down, even when there’s no real threat.

13. They Become Overly Protective Of Their Own Children

Many adults who were bullied as kids carry that trauma into parenthood, becoming hyper-aware of any signs that their child might face the same treatment. They may overreact to minor school conflicts, worry excessively about their child’s social standing, or even try to shield them from the normal ups and downs of childhood friendships.

While wanting to protect their kids is understandable, this overprotectiveness can sometimes backfire. They might struggle to strike a balance between being supportive and overbearing, unintentionally passing their own anxieties onto their children. Their fear of history repeating itself makes them hyper-vigilant, but sometimes, that vigilance can create more stress than necessary.

14. They Struggle To Handle Bullies In Their Adult Life

Bullying doesn’t always end after childhood. Unfortunately, there are plenty of adult bullies in workplaces, social circles, and even within families. For those who never learned how to push back against mistreatment, dealing with these people can feel just as painful as it did in their younger years.

Instead of confidently shutting down toxic behavior, they may freeze, retreat, or try to “stay out of trouble,” just like they did as kids. Their instinct is to avoid confrontation, even when standing up for themselves is necessary. Until they actively work on their confidence and boundary-setting, they may continue to attract people who take advantage of their reluctance to fight back.

15. They Internally Blame Themselves For Everything That Happened

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Even if they logically know it wasn’t their fault, many adults who were bullied still carry an internalized sense of shame about what they went through. They wonder if they could have done something differently, if they were “too weird,” or if they somehow brought the mistreatment on themselves. It doesn’t matter how much time has passed—part of them still wonders if they were the problem.

This self-blame makes it difficult to fully heal. Instead of recognizing that the bullying was a reflection of their tormentors, not themselves, they internalize it as proof that they were unworthy of kindness. Until they actively challenge this belief, they continue carrying the weight of something that was never theirs to bear in the first place.

Danielle is a lifestyle writer with over 10 years of experience crafting relatable content for both major media companies and startups.