We’ve all been there—saying something that we think is fine, only to realize later that it hit differently than we intended. But for people with low emotional intelligence, this happens more often and can come off as hurtful or dismissive without them even knowing it. If you’ve heard these phrases or found yourself saying them, here’s a wake-up call. These are 17 phrases that can do more damage than you think.
1. “Calm down, you’re overreacting.”
This one is like pouring gasoline on a fire. When someone’s already upset, telling them to “calm down” makes them feel dismissed and misunderstood. No one likes to be told they’re blowing things out of proportion. People who know better don’t try to invalidate other people’s emotions—they listen to them. Next time, try saying, “I can see this is really bothering you. Let’s talk about it.” It makes a world of difference.
2. “It’s not that big of a deal.”
What’s small to you might be huge to someone else. When you say, “It’s not that big of a deal,” you’re basically telling them their feelings don’t matter. Ouch, right? Instead, try to understand where they’re coming from. A simple, “I see why that would be upsetting” can make someone feel seen and heard, even if you don’t totally get it.
3. “You’re being too sensitive.”
Labeling someone as “too sensitive” is a quick way to make them shut down. It’s like saying, “Your feelings are wrong.” Emotional intelligence means understanding that everyone reacts to things in their own way. So instead of throwing out this hurtful phrase, try to say, “I didn’t realize that affected you so much—can you tell me more?” It opens the door for conversation, not conflict.
4. “I was just joking, don’t take it so seriously.”
We all love a good joke, but not when it comes at someone else’s expense. If you cross a line and they call you out, brushing it off with, “I was just joking,” doesn’t make it better—it makes it worse. It tells them you care more about defending yourself than acknowledging their feelings. Instead, say, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for that to hurt you.”
5. “You shouldn’t feel that way.”
This one is a major no-no. Feelings aren’t something you can just decide to turn off, so telling someone how they should or shouldn’t feel is dismissive and invalidating. Instead, try, “I didn’t realize it made you feel that way. Let’s talk about it.” Showing that you’re open to understanding their perspective can shift the whole conversation from tense to meaningful.
6. “You always/never…”
Generalizing someone’s behavior with “always” or “never” statements is like putting up a wall between you and them. It makes them feel cornered and unfairly judged. Instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” try being open and saying something like: “Sometimes I feel like I’m not being heard.” It’s less accusatory and more about your experience, which makes it easier for the other person to engage in a real conversation.
7. “Get over it.”
If someone’s upset, saying “Get over it” feels like a total slap in the face. It’s the fastest way to make someone feel like their emotions are an inconvenience. A better approach is to actually acknowledge what they’re going through with something like, “I know this is tough—how can I help?” Sometimes just knowing you’re there for them is enough to make them feel supported.
8. “You’re fine, stop being dramatic.”
Calling someone “dramatic” when they’re expressing their feelings isn’t just dismissive, it’s patronizing. It makes them feel silly for caring, and that’s never okay. If you think someone is overreacting, try this instead: “I can see that this is really affecting you. Let’s talk about it.” It shows that you care about their experience, even if you don’t fully understand it.
9. “That’s not my problem.”
While you can’t be expected to solve everyone’s issues, flat-out saying “That’s not my problem” is cold and uncaring. Instead, try something like, “I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. Is there anything I can do?” Even if you can’t fix it, you’re still showing them you care enough to try. Sometimes people just need to know you’re on their side, even if you can’t offer a solution.
10. “Why are you making such a big deal out of this?”
When you question why someone is upset in a dismissive way, you’re minimizing their feelings and making them feel misunderstood. A better response would be, “I can see this is really affecting you—what’s going on?” It invites them to share more without feeling judged or belittled. Remember, what’s big to them doesn’t have to be big to you, but it’s still important.
11. “You’re so emotional.”
Being called “so emotional” is never a compliment. It’s a way of making someone feel weak or out of control for having feelings. If someone is emotional, they’re being human, not flawed. Instead of pointing it out in a negative way, try saying, “I can see this is really tough for you. Want to talk about it?” That changes the tone from critical to caring.
12. “It could be worse.”
Yes, things could always be worse, but that doesn’t make what someone is going through any less real or valid. Saying this phrase can come off as dismissive and makes the other person feel like they’re being dramatic. A better approach is, “I’m sorry you’re going through this. That sounds really tough.” It shows empathy and validates their experience without comparing it to something else.
13. “At least…”
Starting a sentence with “At least” is almost never helpful. For example, “At least you have a job,” when someone is stressed about work, feels like you’re minimizing their struggle. Instead, try, “That sounds really difficult—do you want to talk more about what’s bothering you?” This way, you’re acknowledging their feelings and opening the door for more conversation, not shutting it down.
14. “I don’t have time for this.”
Saying “I don’t have time for this” when someone is opening up feels like a door being slammed in their face. While we can’t always drop everything, a better response would be, “Can we talk about this later when I can give you my full attention?” That way, they feel important, and you’re not brushing them off completely. It’s all about showing that you care, even if the timing isn’t right.
15. “You’re reading too much into it.”
When someone feels deeply about something, telling them they’re “reading too much into it” makes them question their instincts and feel dismissed. Instead of using this phrase, try saying, “I see how you could feel that way. Let’s go over it together.” This approach validates their feelings and shows that you’re open to understanding, even if you don’t agree right away.
16. “Everyone feels that way sometimes.”
Even if it’s true that others have felt the same way, this phrase can feel dismissive when someone is being vulnerable with you. It makes them feel like their experience isn’t unique or worth discussing. A better way to respond is, “I can imagine that’s really tough for you. Want to talk more about it?” It shows that you’re there to listen and that their feelings are valid.
17. “That’s just how it is.”
When someone is venting or struggling, hearing “That’s just how it is” feels like a dead end. It’s dismissive and makes the person feel like there’s no point in expressing themselves. A better way to respond is, “I get that this is really frustrating. What can we do about it?” This shows that you’re not only hearing them but are also willing to help find a way forward.
This content was created by a real person with the assistance of AI.
