If you’re looking for someone who’s a 10 across every dimension — looks, personality, career, etc. — you’re going to be looking for a long time. What you need isn’t someone who’s perfect, but someone who’s perfect for you:
- You aren’t perfect either. You can’t really expect to find a perfect guy who will accept you for who you are, flaws and all, if you aren’t willing to accept the same from him. You deserve the very best, but at the same time, there’s no need to walk around with a chip on your shoulder as if you’re better than other people. If you can’t be humble, no one will want to date you anyway, so get over yourself.
- “Perfect on paper” isn’t necessarily good. A guy could have everything going for him, including a great job, a solid group of friends and amazing hair, but that doesn’t mean you two are going to click. Chemistry is one of those intangible things that can’t be predicted or controlled. He might be exactly your type on paper, but in reality, there’s just nothing there.
- Everyone has different dealbreakers. You might never dream of dating a guy who still lives with his mom, but another girl will find it endearing that he’s so close to his family. Everyone has a different perspective that informs what they consider to be a flaw, so a guy that is perfect to you might seem like a complete trainwreck to someone else.
- Perfect is boring anyway. Do you really want to live the rest of your life with someone who never makes a mistake and always looks and acts impeccably? Even if it were possible for a human being to be perfect, that would end up being pretty boring after awhile and you’d probably jump ship at some point to look for someone who wasn’t so damn predictable.
- You want someone whose personality complements yours. You might think because you’re really outgoing that a guy who is also loud and talkative would be perfect for you, but you want someone who has qualities that complement yours, and that might not mean they’re identical to yours. It’s hard to know exactly what works for you until you find it, but that’s part of the fun of dating.
- Accepting a few flaws isn’t the same as settling. Some people think being willing to overlook a few deal breakers is a slippery slope. But, as you know by now, no one is perfect, so you’re going to have to accept a few flaws in anyone you end up with. There’s nothing wrong with that — you just have to decide what ‘must-haves’ you’re willing to part with and still be happy.
- No one else’s opinion really matters. There are always going to be people who tell you that you can do better than the person you’re with. While there are some people who are genuinely looking out for you, a lot of the time, other people don’t understand what you see in a guy because he wouldn’t be their type. Luckily, they aren’t the one dating him, you are — so take their opinions with a grain of salt.
- It’s important to want the same things. One aspect of finding someone who is perfect for you is figuring out if you both want the same things. If you want to have kids and he’d rather live a bohemian lifestyle full of travel and freedom, it doesn’t matter how well your senses of humor match up or how great the sex is — it’ll never work.
- Timing is always a factor. In addition to wanting the same things, it’s important to want them at roughly the same time. If he sees himself living the bachelor lifestyle for another few years but you’re ready to move in together as soon as possible, waiting around for him might not be in your best interest — no matter how perfect together you think you are.
- There’s someone out there for everyone. There are millions of people in the world with millions of different personalities, desires and lifestyles. There’s no way there isn’t one guy out there who will be exactly what you’re looking for — it’s just a matter of time before you cross paths with him.
