I thought I needed a guy who was a certain height or had a certain lifestyle, but then I took a chance on a guy who was the total opposite of what I thought I wanted. Turns out, he ticked all the boxes I didn’t realize were important to me.
It made me doubt myself.
I thought I knew what I wanted in a partner only to discover that the opposite of that could make me happy. It filled me with doubt, but that was a good thing. It meant that I could be open to other possibilities.
Perfect on paper is different in real life.
One of the things I learned is that a guy who’s perfect on paper isn’t necessarily going to be right for me in reality. In fact, he could be a terrible fit or even downright toxic. Because of this, I realized it’s pointless to stick to my “dream guy” list too much.
I realized what I’d been missing.
I was always looking for mysterious bad boys, but dating such guys left me brokenhearted way too many times. Now that I was with a nicer, down-to-earth guy who didn’t play games, it made me realize that I’d been missing out on the good guys who were out there! It was an eye-opener for sure.
It made me see new parts of myself.
We attract what we put out there, and I was always putting out a vibe that drew toxic guys to me. I guess my eagerness to please was part of it. But now, meeting a guy who wasn’t toxic and who had refreshing traits I had never thought of before made me see those qualities within myself. It was like getting to know a different part of myself that I never knew existed!
It took me out of my comfort zone.
Dating had become something I handled in the same old way—I went out looking for guys who were my type. Boring! The thing is, my type wasn’t really working for me, so giving this guy a chance opened me up to a completely new world. For the first time, I could finally be happy with someone instead of always stressed and anxious.
I stopped focusing on superficial traits.
So what if he wasn’t as tall as a basketball player? So what if he had a different body or was more of an introvert than the extrovert I thought I wanted? (Note: I really didn’t, as it happened.) Those things didn’t matter at all.
I found what brought meaning to my relationship.
This guy was perfect for me. He was honest, loyal, and made me laugh a lot. We got on so well and I realized why I’d never been happy in previous relationships.
Many of the things I thought I wanted were overrated.
Did I really need a guy who loved to party and who was the life of the party? Someone charming? Someone who lived in the moment? No, I really didn’t. Those guys could be cool, but they weren’t the same bliss as choosing a guy who loved to stay in as much as I did and who didn’t seem to have a hidden agenda, and who could plan weeks ahead in advance. Gosh, how refreshing.
I was finally focusing on long-term happiness.
A guy who looks like Ryan Reynolds might make me happy for now, but purely for egotistical and lust-related reasons. However, if he doesn’t have qualities I want from a long-term partner, like being supportive, then we’re not going to last very long. This perfect guy had what made him marriage material in my eyes (plus he was a total cutie, which was a nice bonus).
I realized I can’t put people in a box.
When I was focusing on my “dream guy” list, I wasn’t giving real guys out there a chance to show me that we could be a match made in heaven. I was stuck in my own fairytale. It’s crazy to think that my list was stopping me from seeing what was beyond that dating box I was living in—and there was a lot to enjoy out there!
Maybe age has something to do with it.
Maybe if I’d met this guy when I was younger, I wouldn’t have given him a second date because my “dream guy” list was firmly planted in my head and I was drawn to the guys who were bad for me. Ugh. Maybe growing up and learning from all those failed relationships means that I was finally focusing on the things that were really important. It’s about time.
Sponsored: The best dating/relationships advice on the web. Check out Relationship Hero a site where highly trained relationship coaches get you, get your situation, and help you accomplish what you want. They help you through complicated and difficult love situations like deciphering mixed signals, getting over a breakup, or anything else you’re worried about. You immediately connect with an awesome coach on text or over the phone in minutes. Just click here…
- Your Drunk Self Is Your Truest Self, Science Says
- “Duty Dating” Is A Thing And You Need To Start Doing It ASAP
- They Might Not Seem Like It, But These 12 Things Are Emotional Abuse
- 12 Reasons You’re Single Even Though You’re A Catch
- You Know You’re In An Almost Relationship If You’re Sending Him These Texts
- I Didn’t Understand Why I Kept Ending Up With Toxic Guys Until I Realized These Important Things
- 17 Life Struggles Of Women Who Are Naturally Loud
- What’s Your Hottest Quality? Here’s What Your Zodiac Sign Suggests
Share this article now!