I Threw Out My “Perfect Guy” Requirements And Found My Actual Perfect Guy

I Threw Out My “Perfect Guy” Requirements And Found My Actual Perfect Guy iStock/PeopleImages

I thought I needed a guy who was a certain height or had a certain lifestyle, but then I took a chance on a guy who was the total opposite of what I thought I wanted. Turns out, he ticked all the boxes I didn’t realize were important to me.

  1. It made me doubt myself. I thought I knew what I wanted in a partner only to discover that the opposite of that could make me happy. It filled me with doubt, but that was a good thing. It meant that I could be open to other possibilities.
  2. Perfect on paper is different in real life. One of the things I learned is that a guy who’s perfect on paper isn’t necessarily going to be right for me in reality. In fact, he could be a terrible fit or even downright toxic. Because of this, I realized it’s pointless to stick to my “dream guy” list too much.
  3. I realized what I’d been missing. I was always looking for mysterious bad boys, but dating such guys left me brokenhearted way too many times. Now that I was with a nicer, down-to-earth guy who didn’t play games, it made me realize that I’d been missing out on the good guys who were out there! It was an eye-opener for sure.
  4. It made me see new parts of myself. We attract what we put out there, and I was always putting out a vibe that drew toxic guys to me. I guess my eagerness to please was part of it. But now, meeting a guy who wasn’t toxic and who had refreshing traits I had never thought of before made me see those qualities within myself. It was like getting to know a different part of myself that I never knew existed!
  5. It took me out of my comfort zone. Dating had become something I handled in the same old way—I went out looking for guys who were my type. Boring! The thing is, my type wasn’t really working for me, so giving this guy a chance opened me up to a completely new world. For the first time, I could finally be happy with someone instead of always stressed and anxious.
  6. I stopped focusing on superficial traits. So what if he wasn’t as tall as a basketball player? So what if he had a different body or was more of an introvert than the extrovert I thought I wanted? (Note: I really didn’t, as it happened.) Those things didn’t matter at all.
  7. I found what brought meaning to my relationship. This guy was perfect for me. He was honest, loyal, and made me laugh a lot. We got on so well and I realized why I’d never been happy in previous relationships.
  8. Many of the things I thought I wanted were overrated. Did I really need a guy who loved to party and who was the life of the party? Someone charming? Someone who lived in the moment? No, I really didn’t. Those guys could be cool, but they weren’t the same bliss as choosing a guy who loved to stay in as much as I did and who didn’t seem to have a hidden agenda, and who could plan weeks ahead in advance. Gosh, how refreshing.
  9. I was finally focusing on long-term happiness. A guy who looks like Ryan Reynolds might make me happy for now, but purely for egotistical and lust-related reasons. However, if he doesn’t have qualities I want from a long-term partner, like being supportive, then we’re not going to last very long. This perfect guy had what made him marriage material in my eyes (plus he was a total cutie, which was a nice bonus).
  10. I realized I can’t put people in a box. When I was focusing on my “dream guy” list, I wasn’t giving real guys out there a chance to show me that we could be a match made in heaven. I was stuck in my own fairytale. It’s crazy to think that my list was stopping me from seeing what was beyond that dating box I was living in—and there was a lot to enjoy out there!
  11. Maybe age has something to do with it. Maybe if I’d met this guy when I was younger, I wouldn’t have given him a second date because my “dream guy” list was firmly planted in my head and I was drawn to the guys who were bad for me. Ugh. Maybe growing up and learning from all those failed relationships means that I was finally focusing on the things that were really important. It’s about time.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.