Why “Perfect” Is Ruining Relationships

Why “Perfect” Is Ruining Relationships ©iStock/claudio.arnese

All I want is perfection — is that too much to ask? Yes, actually it is. Our mindless search for perfection in love is just leading to one failed relationship after another. I’m a perfectionist myself, but love will always be beautifully flawed. Here’s how the quest for the elusive “perfect” is ruining our chances of finding lasting love:

    1. Things will go wrong. I hate to ruin your fantasy, but things can and do go wrong in relationships. You’ll fight, you’ll get annoyed, and you’ll wonder why the hell you’re together. Then, something goes right and you remember why. Just accept that it’s not all roses.
    2. Love is incredibly flawed. It’s the one emotion that makes us feel elated while it’s there and then tears our lives apart when it’s gone. Sometimes we feel it and the other party doesn’t. The idea of love seems perfect until you’ve actually felt it. Then you realize how flawed it really is.
    3. Relationships don’t just magically work. In a perfect world, relationships would just “work” because you want them to. In real life, they take work to get through rough patches. You can’t just run the moment something doesn’t go your way.
    4. Our standards are insane. I highly believe everybody should have standards, but they should be realistic. Wanting nothing but perfection is just a recipe for disappointment. You’ll never find it and when you think you have, he’s probably the world’s biggest jerk.
    5. Everyone’s idea of perfect is different. See, the problem with perfect is everyone has their own idea of what perfect is. Anyone you date is going to have different perfection standards. It’s literally impossible for any of us to be perfect for someone else.
    6. Everyone’s too damn impatient. This is what I hate most. It’s why perfect is ruining relationships every day. Oh no! He brushes his teeth with a red toothbrush instead of a blue one and likes country instead of rock. Guess he’s not good enough. Seriously, everyone needs to get over themselves. Give people a chance and don’t break things off over stupid, imagined flaws.
    7. You can’t expect what you aren’t. I know we tell ourselves we’re perfect just the way we are, and that’s true, to a point. No one is literally perfect. We all have flaws and quirks. You can’t expect a perfect relationship when you aren’t perfect either.
    8. The dream is just that — a dream. Dreams and fantasies are wonderful. Nothing ever goes wrong and you live happily ever after. Now, it’s time to wake up. Some days you’ll hate your relationship and some days you’ll love it. When it comes to love, remember that your dream isn’t real.
    9. Imperfections are what make relationships great. It’s all those little imperfections and compromises that help couples grow together. Leaving because things aren’t completely perfect means you’re missing out on the best part of the relationship.
    10. Everyone tries to be so fake. You know how someone seems perfect at first? Yeah, it’s because we all try to be so perfect in the beginning that we’re just a bunch of fakes. Wouldn’t it be better if we were just ourselves from the start?
    11. We’re giving up on traditional relationships. When you can’t find perfect, you settle for hooking up. It scratches that itch while you wait for Mr. Perfection. Since he doesn’t exist, hooking up is all you have and it’s killing traditional dating and relationships.
    12. Perfect’s boring. Perfect is fun for about 10 minutes. Then, it’s as boring as watching grass grow. Perfect means you agree on everything, do all the same things and never have anything to talk about. It’s the differing opinions, variety of interests and lots of conversation that helps keep a relationship fun and interesting.
    13. We end things with no real reason. My single friends give me the dumbest excuses for dumping guys. I kid you not, one of my friends dumped a really great guy because he combed is hair to the right instead of the left. It’s like we come up with any random reason just to break things off anymore. There’s no patience and no room for anything but perfection. It’s also why those friends are still single.
    14. It’ll seem perfect when it’s right. When you finally do find the right person, things will seem perfect. The thing is, that version of perfect is full of flaws. You just accept them and realize it’s part of loving someone. It’s then and only then that you truly understand what a perfect relationship is.
Crystal Crowder is a freelance writer and blogger. She's a tech geek at heart, but loves telling it like it is when it comes to love, beauty and style. She's enjoys writing music, poetry and fiction and curling up with a great book. You can find her on Twitter @ccrowderwrites or check out her other writing on Medium.