Most of us rise above the heartache we experience in the dating world, but some of us hold on to it and it destroys our future relationships. Here are some signs you’re dating someone with trust issues.
- They asked for the password to your phone early on. Some people view sharing passwords as a sign of intimacy; I see it as a crutch. If someone is trustworthy, you don’t need to know who they’re contacting. People with trust issues often take things a step further. They won’t just accept the fact that you have nothing to hide. They’ll purposely search through every text and time stamp, looking for signs of infidelity.
- They always want to know who you’re with. I think it’s OK and sometimes even cute when the person you’re dating wants to know what you do when you’re away from them. It’s almost like they want to be a part of everything you do, and if they can’t be there physically, then they want to relive those moments with you. However, if the person you’re dating insists on knowing every detail about your life outside of them, especially related to who exactly was there, they don’t trust you.
- They get upset when you answer a call or text late. We all make up stories in our minds when things don’t go to plan. While most of us lean toward the negative, people with trust issues immediately assume you’re betraying them. I have a friend whose boyfriend didn’t reply to her texts all day. Instead of being worried that he might be lying in a hospital bed, she was angry because she was sure he was with his ex who moved into town a few weeks ago. Life gets complicated. Do yourself a favor and walk away from anyone who makes a late answer to a text the start of World War III.
- They discourage you from taking part in things that take you away from them. Love makes us want to hold our partners close. We all laugh at clingy people, but there’s no denying that a few days away from our partner, can affect our mood. It can be hard, but when you love someone, you must let them live their life to the fullest—even if that means they might spend time away from you. People with trust issues will do everything in their power to keep you close. They don’t care that your career, family, or even happiness may suffer if they don’t. They want you close, where they can keep an eye on you.
- They get jealous of strangers. Yes, this happens in real life. If you’re with someone who’s always questioning how you know the waiter or store clerk serving you, you need to get away from them. Jealousy ruins relationships by constantly putting two people at odds with each other. People joke about make-up sex, but that can only keep things going for so long. Never forget, jealousy is an emotion that can quickly turn violent.
- They hate you having friends of the opposite sex. Despite popular opinion, men and women can be friends. In fact, they often make excellent friends because they balance each other out. People with trust issues will tell you how uncomfortable they are when you hang out with someone of the opposite sex with the hopes that you’ll end the relationship. They’ll often tell you that they trust you but not your friend. Don’t fall into this trap. Far too many women cut good people out of their lives because of their relationships and they live to regret it.
- They insist on accompanying you to every event or gathering. I had a friend whose boyfriend insisted on attending work events with her so that he could get to know the people that she spent all day with. Halfway through the first event, he accused her of sleeping with one of her colleagues. Sharing a life doesn’t mean being joined at the hip. It’s healthy to have interests and friendships that pull you away from each other every once in a while. Not only because it gives you a breather but because it teaches you to build trust.
- They stalk your social media. We all love getting quick likes and comments on the stuff we post—it’s instant validation that makes us feel cute or funny. If the person you’re with likes everything you post and casually brings up conversations you had with others, you need to run. That level of attention is borderline obsessive. It’s only a matter of time until they see something they don’t like and confront you.
- They’re manipulative. When someone trusts you, they’re open about what they want and how they feel. Someone manipulative doesn’t believe you will do the things they ask of you. Manipulation can be subtle; it can range from a white lie to someone guilt tripping you. Don’t live your life under someone else’s thumb. If you’re dating someone with trust issues, leave. Only they can fix themselves and they won’t do it with you accepting their dysfunctional behavior.