I Pick The Wrong Guys & Get Upset When It Doesn’t Work

I don’t always get it wrong but when I do, I do it in spectacular fashion. My dating life has always been a bit of a mess, but I’ve recently started to seriously wonder if my happy ending is ever going to show up. It’s taken some serious reflection to figure out what the problem actually is: me. I pick guys that I know are totally wrong for me and then wonder why all my relationships fail. I’m determined to change that, but it’s not easy.

My Expectations aren’t Always RealisticThe bad boy James Dean image may look good in the movies, but dating a real-life bad boy is a totally different story. In a perfect world, the bad boy would learn the error of his ways and become a changed man. In real life, my James Dean switched the power off to my house just so he could pretend to be the hero and “fix” the problem he actually caused. The only lesson learned here was never trusting an electrician with a knight in shining armor complex. I need to get a grip on reality.

I fall for the flattery way too soon. There are some natural steps to developing a relationship, and those steps take time. At the first sign of flattery and interest, though, I tend take a running jump and skip at least half of those steps. Logically I know there’s no need for me to act so desperate. I’m well-educated, have a financially secure career, a supportive family and a wonderful group of friends. But the first, “Hey babe, you’re looking hot!” has me reaching for the wedding invites.

I Really Have No Idea Where To Look For The Right Guys. Essentially, I’m kind of lazy. I know what I want, but I expect it to land in my lap without having to make much effort. The reality check, of course, is that relationships take work and so does finding the one I want to make it work with. By restricting myself to online dating, I’ve kind of overlooked so many great guys for the sake of convenience.

Opposites Are Supposed To Attract, Right? Not for me. I’ve heard it hundreds of times over my dating lifetime and it’s probably the only piece of advice I’ve ever listened to, but I’m still waiting for it to pay off. In short, I put too much trust in what other people say and think and tend to ignore what my instincts tell me. Opposites might work for some, but I at least want a little common ground.

Stepping Out Of My Comfort Zone Terrifies Me. Yes, even when I know it’s for my own good. I’m not one to go against the grain of familiarity. In my head, I know it sounds ludicrous to continually go for guys that will never be what I want or am comfortable with, but changing that would put me in unknown territory, and that really scares me.

Being Assertive Has Never Been My Strong Point. As hard as it is to understand, telling someone when enough is enough just isn’t something I’m able to do. Having to watch someone’s face fall in disappointment makes me second guess myself and my decision. I let far too many guys keep my company for far longer than they should because I feel bad. I know it’s ridiculous, but I can’t help myself.

I Don’t Want To End Up By Myself.  I really am the queen of excuses — and ridiculous ones at that. All I’ve ever wanted in life is to have someone beside me. Sadly, that means I’ve been willing to allow that someone to be the wrong one just to appease my fear of loneliness.

Blaming Someone Else Is Sometimes Easier Than Admitting My Faults. I know that the only one I’m doing a disservice to the relationship is me. My exes were just being themselves — I was the one nitpicking and trying to force them to be something they were never going to be. Somewhere in my twisted logic, I’ve allowed myself to think that putting the entire blame on their bad traits for the relationship failure keeps me in the clear, which I know is totally wrong.

I end up believing My Own Lies. The human psyche is complicated and gullible. If you tell yourself the same story enough times, you’ll eventually believe it to be the truth. After telling myself for the hundredth time that “things will get better” and “it’s just a phase he’s going through” in a bad relationship, it starts to become a viable truth. Unfortunately, a lie is a lie no matter which way you turn it.

I become addicted to somebody wanting Me. I love the feeling of being important enough to somebody that they want to spend all of their time with me. Hindsight tells me that perhaps this should have had alarm bells ringing. Codependency isn’t love and logically, I realize that.

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