Pistanthrophobia is the fear of trusting people due to bad experiences in past relationships. While all of us have experienced a little doubt with new partners, people with this condition tend to be controlled by it and it ruins their chances at love. Does this sound like you?
You think every guy is out to get you. Your past relationships have been so sour that you don’t consider men to be normal, down-to-earth human beings anymore. Instead, you look at them as a species on the hunt, just waiting to hurt you again like all the guys you’ve dated before. This isn’t only untrue, it’s self-defeating—how can you ever expect to find love if you refuse to believe guys are capable of it?
You can’t see yourself ever being in a happy relationship. It’s almost like you’re expecting something to go wrong. You probably see yourself as damaged goods in many ways, which is why you can’t picture yourself as part of a couple. After all, if other guys treated you like crap and screwed you over, why wouldn’t the next guy think he could do the same?
You’re suspicious of guys for no reason. The guy you’re dating hasn’t actually done anything wrong, but that hasn’t kept you from being suspicious of his every move. It’s almost like you’re treating him as if he’s guilty of something before he’s had the opportunity to prove to you that he’s actually a decent dude who really likes you. Contrary to popular belief, not all guys are the same. Give him a chance.
You never believe anything they tell you. Your guy told you that he was late coming to pick you up because he got caught up at the gym when he bumped into his friend, but you’re adamant that it was actually because he met a new girl there and was probably asking her out. Sure, you’ve been badly bruised in the past, but give this guy the benefit of the doubt if you don’t want to sabotage everything.
You assume the worst of every situation. Even when there are photos of the dude you’re dating on Instagram with a large group of people on a night out and he explains that he’s been friends with the girls for years, you convince yourself that he’s sleeping with one of them. After all, there have been so many similar situations in the past where you’ve believed the “just friends” excuse only to find out that your guy has been getting with your best friend behind your back. You’ve been the fool before and you’re determined not to play that role again. Fair enough, but that doesn’t mean treating every guy like your cheating ex.
You’re jealous of the littlest things. You understand that your guy’s life can’t revolve around you, but you still want his attention to be focused on you and only you most of the time. If he cancels his date with you because his friend just split up with a long-term girlfriend and he needs some help moving out of their place, you have to be understanding of that. Otherwise, you could end up pushing him away.
You’re adamant that you’ll never trust a guy 100%. No matter how amazing he is, no matter how hard he tries, no matter how many times he tries to make you realize that he’s not like the rest, you just can’t give him your unconditional trust. You know you’ve built a wall so high that it’s nearly impossible to scale but you just can’t bring yourself to be vulnerable again. Work through it whether alone or with a therapist; otherwise, you could end up losing a great guy.
You need constant reassurance.You can’t help it—your past failed relationships have made you really insecure. You’re clingy with your boyfriend and need a lot of reassurance on a daily basis that he likes you, that he thinks you’re attractive, that he’s happy with you, and on and on… It’s OK to seek reassurance occasionally, but try not to get angry at your guy if you’ve double texted him and he hasn’t had a chance to text you back yet. It’s not his way of telling you he hates you and thinks you’re lame—he’s just busy.
You expect too much too fast. If it’s a new relationship and you’re just getting to know each other, don’t expect him to make you his everything and declare his undying love right away. Like flowers, relationships need time to progress and grow, and you’re just going to scare him off if you want all of his attention so soon. Try to take a breather—you don’t have to lock things down in order to avoid losing him.
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