I’ve never been under any illusions that the perfect relationship exists. That being said, when I met my fiance four-and-a-half years ago, everything was damn near perfect. For the first time, I felt like I was a part of a team and it didn’t take me long to figure out that he was the man I wanted to spend forever with. It turns out, he felt the same way. He took me to our favorite spot, pulled out a brilliant blue ring, and asked me to be his wife. Little did I know, this chapter in our relationship would almost be our last.
- Everything happened so fast. My fiance and I were excited to get started on wedding planning, but seeing as we’d be spending the rest of our lives together, we decided not to rush anything. We planned on giving ourselves a solid year to figure everything out and maybe pick a date on a nice cool day in the fall. Plans changed when we stumbled upon our wedding venue. It was a gorgeous lavender farm, which happens to be my favorite flower, and the wide open space was absolutely perfect. My fiance squeezed my hand and smiled. We knew this was the place almost immediately. To our surprise, a date had just opened up in June. We booked it without skipping a beat.
- I’m not much of a planner. Suddenly, everything was set in motion. We had less than half the time to plan than we’d originally expected and my tendency to procrastinate became a problem from the very beginning. The wedding planner that came with the venue was alarmingly organized and strict about deadlines, and just being near her shot my anxiety through the roof. What should have been fun little tasks turned into chores.
- My relationship has always been super laid back. My fiance and I have always just kind of gone with the flow of things. When he and I had obstacles in our way, we’d work together to overcome them without a hitch. I’ll admit we’ve been a little snarky and judgmental when we’ve witnessed our friends agonize over silly crap during the wedding planning process. Suddenly, we were faced with new problems every day, and it was a tough change for us. A caterer we liked wouldn’t call us back or one of my bridesmaids was being a pain in the ass about getting her measurements in on time. Little things that normally wouldn’t have bugged us at all if they happened one at a time were suddenly compounding and rolling over us like an avalanche.
- The nitty gritty details got in the way of things. I never realized the lack of care I gave about centerpieces and flowers until I was forced to sit through an hour-long meeting about them. Instead of spending quality time together, we were getting dragged through craft stores and clicking through Etsy stores well into the night. He and I started concerning ourselves with intricate details that an average wedding guest would probably never notice. I felt like I was losing him in a way. He and I were always together, but we weren’t really together.
- I began to resent his family. My family had been saving up for my wedding since I was a little girl, so I thought it was only fair to keep an open mind during the planning process when it came to their opinions. My fiance’s family and I had gotten very close over the years, so I tried to keep them as involved as I could without allowing them to dictate too much. My fiance’s mother began steamrolling over my ideas and filling the guest list with knitting club friends and other people my fiance and I had never met. It was hard for me to believe a family I had grown so close to couldn’t tell that they were really starting to step on my toes (or just didn’t care).
- I began to doubt if this was worth the stress. Even in my lowest moments, I knew I didn’t want to end my relationship. My fiance was there for me every frustrating step of the way, but I knew the wedding planning was taking a toll on him too. There were times where I thought maybe it would be best to scrap everything and do as we had originally planned. Unfortunately, my parents had already made a few sizeable deposits and there was no turning back.
- A meeting with our officiant set us straight. My fiance and I aren’t particularly religious, so we asked my dad’s best friend to officiate our wedding. He’s a pastor and I’ve been to a few of his sermons and enjoyed them a lot. He promised us we wouldn’t have to go through weeks of grueling premarital counseling, but he did ask us to take a short quiz. The quiz was an opportunity to give us pause and reflect on why we were going through all this craziness in the first place.
- I started to speak my mind. My fiance and I decided to really step up and get organized after meeting with our officiant. He reminded us that we are, and always have been, a solid team and stressful times will come and go. We stopped letting other people take charge of the conversation and our wedding began to feel like OUR wedding again.
- We won’t let the little things get in our way. The wedding planning process is a dream for some men and women. My fiance and I are much more concerned with making our big day fun for us and our loved ones than anything else. Little things like table settings and flower arrangements aren’t the glue that will keep our relationship together in the future, it’s our ability to work through problems and keeping the communication open. I’ll never be the type of woman that enjoys wedding planning, but I have no doubt in my mind that getting married to my fiancee will be the happiest day of my life.
