Don’t get me wrong, I love my boyfriend, but sometimes it’s hard to get the same pleasure during sex that I get when I pleasure myself. Here’s why:
- I used to be totally against masturbation. The thought of touching my body in that way made me blush and make me nervous, but now it’s my saving grace. Not only does it benefit my well-being but the well being of my relationship too. It doesn’t make me dependent on my boyfriend for something I can do myself.
- It’s healthy, right? It doesn’t just come in handy when my boyfriend isn’t around, it benefits my health too. It helps with my anxiety, my mood, and helps me get more comfortable with my body. At first, I was too stuck in my head to really enjoy what was happening but now I feel almost too comfortable. I’m so in tune to my body and what feels good that I’ve become an expert. It seems like a good thing but I’m just afraid I’ll only want an orgasm that way forever.
- I’m horny all the time. Having a high sex drive has changed my life. I feel more energized and desirable and I’m hornier than I’ve ever been in my life. I want to have sex ALL THE TIME. Sometimes it’s all I can think about—having it, when I can have it, and how many times I can have it. Since I obviously can’t have it all the time, I masturbate more frequently than I used to, which I think is a good thing. However, it makes things a little complicated.
- Growing up has made all the difference. Women aren’t lying when they say that sex gets better in your thirties. My body feels different and I think differently about sex these days. It used to be just something to do, whereas these days it’s all about my pleasure regardless of whether or not I’m with a guy. It actually feels pretty great.
- I don’t want to come off like an instructor. It’s awkward telling my boyfriend that he didn’t get me off after a session. I’ve always been a people pleaser, which makes me a worrier by nature. I always worry about him and pleasuring him before me, especially because I know my expectations might be high. That doesn’t really work with men. They’re kind of out of the game once they get off. I don’t want to have to tell him what to do to get me there, so I usually just end up doing it myself.
- Masturbation isn’t always a good thing. There’s nothing better than knowing I can pleasure myself without a man. I’m not going to lie, it took a minute to get comfortable with my body and find what feels right. Now I know exactly how to do it, but it comes at a price. Sex with my boyfriend is great but foreplay doesn’t always happen and there isn’t the same finesse or touch that happens when I’m masturbating so it’s harder for him to give me an orgasm. I want him to be as in tune with my body as I am, but I don’t want to force something that comes so naturally when I’m alone.
- Time makes the vagina grow fonder. I’ve heard of the heart going fonder, but the vagina is a whole other story. A high sex drive, missing him, and being insanely attracted to him are a bad combination when he isn’t around. Sometimes I go a few days without seeing my boyfriend and when that happens, I miss him. Of course my heart misses him, but my “lady parts” start to ache for him too. What do I do to relieve the ache? I masturbate. I’m starting to wonder if it’s ruining my sex life.