How “Positive Thinking” Completely Turned My Dating Life Around

You’re probably just as sick of the “change your thoughts, change your life” mumbo jumbo as I am. I gotta say, though, once I really committed to thinking positively, my entire dating life transformed for the better. It sounds crazy but it’s true.

  1. I no longer think I’m trash, so guys don’t either. I can firmly say that I’ve always considered myself “lesser than” in comparison to others. I remember being in high school and bowing my head in shame when the popular kids walked by because I just wasn’t at their level and believed it with every part of me. However, after actively working on myself and reframing the way I think, I now see myself as valuable and the guys I date can see it too.
  2. I’ve learned to put myself first. I used to be a major people pleaser. Everything I did, I did for everyone else. I would run around all day trying to make sure people liked me when I should have really been putting that kind of attention and care on myself. Thank God I finally snapped out of it. I now have the strength and confidence to walk away from situations that don’t serve me.
  3. I take more risks. I’m not as scared as I used to be. I’ll date that guy who isn’t my type because why the hell not? He’s not necessarily a “bad guy,” he’s just different. I’m finding myself to be more and more open to doing things that the old me would have thought were absolutely insane and it’s paid off. I may not have met “The One” just yet, but I have met some pretty interesting people.
  4. I’m more present on dates. I feel at ease on a first date, which is an experience that used to be nerve-wracking. I can kinda sit back knowing that everything’s going to be okay. Having control of my thinking, especially when I’m in a stressful situation, is just great. The negative thoughts that used to run around in my mind have been replaced by more positive and uplifting ones, resulting in a general sense of calmness and relaxation in the moment.
  5. I don’t completely lose my mind if a guy rejects me. When a guy didn’t text me back or ghosted me, I’d lose my damn mind. I’d call all my friends and get their opinion, surf Reddit—anything I could do to figure out why it’s happening to me. Now that I’m more aware of my thought patterns, I see these disasters more as me just throwing things out of proportion rather than it truly being a dire circumstance.
  6. I appreciate being single way more. Whether I’m single or attached, it’s all good. I always used to SAY I liked being single but I never truly felt it. Now when I say those words, I actually believe it! Being single isn’t worst than being in a relationship, it’s just another way of being. It’s just… different. No big deal. I now take advantage of and enjoy my freedom and lack of attachment so much more.
  7. I learned to see the lesson in relationships. When relationships end or a date doesn’t work out the way I thought it would, instead of getting all up in arms about it, I sit back and try to see what I gained from the experience. There’s probably a lesson or two in what NOT to do next time. I’ve learned that there’s always value to be found if you really try to look for it.
  8. I focus on the good in my partner. In the beginning of relationships, I’d automatically focus on only the good things in my partner which felt great. However, as the relationship progressed, I’d begin to get annoyed more easily by him and start to only focus on the bad. Since I’ve been actively choosing to think positively about things, my partner seems a lot more tolerable without a ton of effort from me.
  9. I look within for validation, not to others. I used to depend solely on outside approval to measure myself on the scale of worthiness. Nowadays, I get most of my validation from myself. I never have to worry about not feeling good enough because I’m feeding myself those loving thoughts everyday. It was hard at first, but after awhile, my brain just ran with it.
  10. My darkest hours aren’t as dark as they used to be. I used to spiral down whenever something bad happened to me. I couldn’t handle it. It felt like the whole world came crashing down when it was really just a tiny inconvenience. I’m able to keep myself a lot more level-headed when the dark clouds start sweeping over due to my practice of mindfulness and thinking positively.
  11. I’m attracting the “right” kind of guys. I’m known for attracting guys with a lot of drama and baggage. Ever since I changed my mindset, I’ve noticed I no longer end up with moody, negative guys because *I’m* no longer moody and negative. Funny how that works. Like attracts like in this case, I suppose…
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.