Is It Possible To Fall For A Man You’re Not Initially Attracted To?

You meet a nice guy and he’s totally charming but he’s not exactly the total package. Physical attraction is always what initially draws our attention, but what happens when he gets your heart going but not your body? Is it even possible to find love without a physical attraction first?

  1. Looks may not be everything, but they’re something. In fact, someone’s appearance is the first thing you see. Unless you go on literally blind dates, you’re making an initial judgment based on looks. Think about how many guys you gloss over at the bar because they don’t meet your physical standards. You might be more interested in personality but you’ll never know if there’s really something there if you let appearance play too big a part.
  2. You shouldn’t judge a book by its cover. Men are like books, you have to actually read the pages before you can make a review. Your first judgment might be on his appearance, but your final judgment should be on his heart. He might not come in the package that you were looking for, but he still might be pretty close to perfect for you. In the end, he deserves a bigger chance than the one you give his face.
  3. Personality can enhance physicality. The more you get to know someone, the more attractive they can become. Attraction isn’t just about physical appearance—it’s about personality and emotional connection too. The more you’re attracted to his mind, the more you’ll find an attraction to his body. After all, even a guy with the best bod can’t make up for a crappy personality.
  4. The physical stuff is important too. You can pretend like sex doesn’t matter but you’re only fooling yourself. Sex definitely matters, but what matters more is what kind of physical relationship you want. Do you want a real connection or do you just want meaningless sex? Any good-looking guy can give you an orgasm (maybe), but if you want an emotional connection too then looks definitely aren’t everything.
  5. Love isn’t built on physical attraction. Think about all the good-looking men you’ve met in your life. Now think about how many of those men you would never date. Whether they’re players, you have no chemistry with them, or they’re just plain jerks, you have to face the fact that if love were as simple as finding a man you have a mutual physical attraction with then you’d have met “The One” a long time ago.
  6. It takes time to see someone’s true worth. You can’t tell if someone is a good person just by looking at them. Even after you know someone, it can take years of being together before you realize if you’re actually right for each other. Don’t let a guy’s looks determine his worth to you. Don’t make a split judgment before you really know a man because that crooked smile that once turned you off could someday be a trademark you find endearing.
  7. Do you want to be more than just a pretty face? Would you accept a man loving your looks but not your personality? That’s not real love. You want to be more than just another pretty girl. If you ever want to be someone’s one and only then you need a man who will love you for who you are and not just for how you look. If you don’t give him the same then frankly, you’re just a hypocrite.
  8. Good looks fade. It might be sad but it’s so damn true. His good looks won’t last forever and neither will yours. When you’re old, who do you want sitting by your side—a man who used to be all that and a bag of chips that you can’t stand or a man who hasn’t made you stop laughing since the day you met? Good looks might come and go but a good personality (or sense of humor) lasts forever.
  9. Maybe you’re just not interested. If you actually take the time to get to know him and still aren’t attracted to him then maybe you should face the fact that you’re just not into him. It’s not about looks—you gave him a chance and you still didn’t like what you saw. That doesn’t make you a bitch, that makes you a girl looking for something more—and you should never be ashamed of holding out for true love.
  10. In the end, it’s your heart that truly matters. Just like you want him to love you for you, you need to love him for whom he is, not the package he comes in. You should turn a man down because you don’t feel a connection, not because he’ll never be a model. There’s only one Ryan Gosling and he’s a little too busy making Eva Mendes one lucky girl. If he’s perfect on the inside, don’t toss him aside just because he’s only human on the out.
Kelsey Dykstra is a freelance writer based in Huntington Beach, CA. She has a bachelor’s degree in Creative Writing from Grand Valley State University and been writing professionally since graduating in 2013. In addition to writing about love and relationships for Bolde and lifestyle topics for Love to Know, she also writes about payment security and small business solutions for PaymentCloud.

Originally from Michigan, this warm weather seeker relocated to the OC just last summer. Kelsey enjoys writing her own fictional pieces, reading a variety of young adult novels, binging on Netflix, and of course soaking up the sun.

You can find more about Kelsey on her LinkedIn profile or on Twitter @dykstrakelsey.
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