Post-Relationship Deal-Breakers Are Just As Important As The Ones That Broke You Up

Everyone talks about relationship dealbreakers – those things that you shouldn’t put up with no matter what and that will cause a couple to split pretty much immediately. But what about the post-relationship dealbreakers that are just as important? They can help you maintain your standards and get the love you deserve without your ex holding you back. Here are 11 worth adding to your list.

  1. Dealbreaker: your ex wants to be friends when you don’t. It’s easy to fall into the trap of agreeing to be friends with your ex. Maybe you don’t want to hurt their feelings, or you think that someday you’ll want them in your life. The problem with jumping into this new friendzone setup is that you end up hurting yourself, especially if you’re not over the breakup yet and don’t want to hear about the people your ex is already hooking up with. Take a step back for your own protection.
  2. Dealbreaker: your ex tries to come back. If you don’t want to engage with your ex, you’ll ignore their “hey” messages three weeks after you’ve broken up because you know it’ll set you back to reply. You’re on the path to self-growth. Don’t blow it because of an idiot.
  3. Dealbreaker: it hurts too much to maintain contact. Hey, breakups are hard, especially if you’re still not over the person. That’s why you have every right to block your ex’s number and their social media profiles without any guilt whatsoever. Besides, they don’t have a say now that they’re no longer in your life, do they?
  4. Dealbreaker: breakup sex. Although it might be tempting, what good can come from breakup sex? Even if the sex with your ex was amazing, do you really need one last sex session before moving on? It might actually backfire, making your feelings come back. Even if it won’t, it’s probably safer to cut the strings, emotionally and physically in one go. Like ripping off a plaster, baby.
  5. Dealbreaker: your ex wants a friends with benefits arrangement. Your ex might suggest a friends with benefits agreement after your relationship. Although that might make sense, such as if the sex was great even though the relationship wasn’t, it probably won’t do either of you any good. Why waste more time on someone from your past when the relationship’s expired? They’re not the last person on earth, for goodness’ sake!
  6. Dealbreaker: mutual friends don’t get the hint. It’s so frustrating when mutual friends keep bringing up your ex. “Hey, did you hear that Tom has started a new business?” or “Jamie’s dating someone new. We met her last week.” Why do you need to torture yourself with that information? Make it a rule with your friends that they don’t mention your ex. If they can’t seem to stick to the rules, then the rule is you don’t have to see them.
  7. Dealbreaker: your ex still treats you like a confidante. When your ex gets in touch because they’re having a bad time and knows that you’ll help them by listening, don’t fall into the trap. It’s a dealbreaker for your ex to expect relationship perks when you’re no longer together. Sure, if you’re good friends after the breakup, that’s one thing. But if you don’t want to be the person who’s still cleaning up their drama, they need to get out.
  8. Dealbreaker: your ex calls you “the one that got away.” Maybe you walked away from the relationship. Maybe not. Whatever the circumstances that ended things, you don’t need your ex to tell you that you were “the one that got away.” What crap is that? It can mess with your head, making you think they want a relationship sequel when they’re just looking for attention.
  9. Dealbreaker: your ex shamelessly flirts with you. It’s been weeks or months and then your ex pops up out of the blue. They flirt with you on Instagram or via text, and soon you’re feeling like things are almost back to the way they were in the halcyon days of your relationship. Reality check: the relationship’s over! You don’t need flirts to get in the way of your progress. Delete!
  10. Dealbreaker: your ex comes back after ghosting youIf your ex ghosted you, you were probably saddled with all the drama and emotional baggage. How convenient for them. And yet, when they get back in touch, a part of you might hope that they’ve changed/realize their mistake/want to see you again. This is dangerous territory. Ditching you only to try to creep back onto the scene is cowardly behavior that you don’t need in your life. Your ex might regret the ghosting, but that’s not enough. He simply wasn’t man enough to end things the right way. You’re done. Move on.
  11. Dealbreaker: you buy into the crap that you need to improve. It’s easy to let the stress and anguish of a breakup mess with your self-esteem, but don’t believe that things could’ve been better in your relationship if you’d somehow been different. Okay, maybe if you were the toxic one in the relationship, you could do with a bit of positive self-growth. But I’m not talking about that. I’m talking about the things you think you lacked, such as that you weren’t pretty/smart/successful/thin enough. That stuff’s total BS. The second you start allowing your breakup or ex to make you think in such a warped way, it’s time to do something. Delete your ex’s number, set fire to their possessions, or accept that date with the sweet guy at work because you know you deserve to be loved. Treat yourself in a positive way and send those negative thoughts packing.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.