Small But Powerful Fears That Are Keeping You Single

The real reason you’re still single even though you swear you want to find love might shock you. It’s not because you’re unattractive and lacking a personality — you’re single because you’re living in your own head and letting your fears get the best of you. Stop doing that! Don’t let these 11 fears ruin your chances of finding love.

  1. You’ll Get Too Caught Up. You’re going to get caught up — it’s inevitable. Loving someone, even if it’s puppy love, means putting yourself in an uncomfortable position. You’re going to overdramatize situations, read into the little things, and become low-key obsessed (in a healthy way) with your partner. That’s the whole point of a relationship. Once you’re together for awhile, all of that will calm down to more normal levels… if you ever let yourself get that far.
  2. You’ll Be Left For Someone Better. Someone better than you? That person doesn’t exist. That’s the level of confidence you need to have. The only way to get rid of this fear is to gain more respect and love for yourself. You can’t go into a relationship thinking you’re not good enough for your partner. If you do, the relationship won’t last and your self-confidence will plummet.
  3. You’re Not Truly Over Your Ex. Your ex did a real number on you and even though it’s been a while, you’re not sure you’re over it. We’ve all been there. And while you shouldn’t start a relationship when you’re hung up on someone else, sometimes you have to. Just make sure you’re honest with the new person you’re seeing so everyone’s on the same page and no one gets hurt.
  4. You’ll Miss Out. FOMO is real. Honestly, blame technology for giving us too much access to the world. It’s no wonder we’re all afraid we’re going to miss out on everything, including people. None of us want to marry someone, only to meet someone years later who we like more. It’s an understandable fear, but it shouldn’t get in your way. People fall in and out of love all the time, but they also stay in love.
  5. You’ll End Up Settling. You have high expectations for yourself, which means you have high expectations for your partner. It makes sense to want the best, but that doesn’t mean you should write someone off because they don’t check every box. Sometimes, the characteristics you want aren’t the ones you need in a forever partner. You don’t always know what’s best for you, so don’t be afraid to date different kinds of people.
  6. They’ll Turn Out Like Your Ex. You’re afraid your new relationship will be as damaging as your previous one, and it will if you date with filters on. If you’re not emotionally over your ex, you’ll see them in every person you date, regardless of how different your new partner really is.
  7. The Relationship Will End. It’s scary to think you could spend months, maybe years with a person and then one day never see them again, but sometimes that happens. This is why dating can be so messy and difficult. The only upside is that through it all, you’ll hopefully find someone you can love for the rest of your life.
  8. You’ll Get Hurt. Most of us are afraid of being blindsided by the one we love, and unfortunately, it can happen and probably will at least once in your life. Does that mean you should let this fear stop you from dating? No. The only way to be successful in a relationship, and in life, is to lower your guard and jump in knowing there’s a chance you’ll get hurt.
  9. You’ll Die Single. Your fear of being single forever is holding you back because you see failure everywhere you turn. When a date doesn’t go as planned, you blame yourself. It’s not your fault but you think it is and that logic gets in your way. If you walk into a first date thinking it’s going to be horrible, it will be. Adjust your mind and remember, positive thoughts equal positive outcomes.
  10. You’ll Date The Wrong Person. Sure, you can avoid dating the wrong person by staying single forever, but you don’t want that. You want to find your soulmate, you just don’t want to go through the ugly process of looking. Dating can be torture and chances are, you’re going to date the wrong person (at least a few times). Accept that you’re going to make mistakes and learn from them, then get out there and date!
  11. You’ll Fall In Love. The fear of a breakup can hold you back, but so can the fear of falling in love. With love comes responsibility and vulnerableness — two things you might not want to experience. A serious relationship can lead to marriage, children, and adulthood. While you might want all those things, there could be a small part of you that’s terrified of getting them. Don’t let that fear rob you of your future.
Jordan White is a writer based in Scottsdale, Arizona with more than 8 years of experience. She graduated from Northern Arizona University with a degree in Rhetoric and Creative Writing in 2015 and while there, she wrote for The Daily Wildcat. She has since written for sites including FanBread, and, of course, Bolde. You can find about more her on Facebook. She has a passion for giving her audience something to laugh about and despises the heat more than anything.