I’m not afraid of commitment or anything, I just prefer dating someone I can have fun with that I’m not emotionally responsible for or beholden to. At this point, non-committal dudes just fit into my lifestyle better.
They’re not all a-holes.
Non-committal boyfriends get a bad rap. Not all of them are misbehaving drama kings who only want to get laid—some of them are actually really cool dudes who just want to keep things casual. That doesn’t mean they can’t hang out, go on “dates,” and hold deep and meaningful conversations. They can—honestly, probably a little bit better than committed boyfriends because they don’t censor themselves as much.
They can do whatever they want to do.
I don’t have to worry about their feelings for me and whether or not they’re genuine. If they go to the bars with their friends, I’m not sitting down thinking, “Are they cheating on me?” They can’t cheat on me because we’re not together—and obviously they’re going to be flirting with other women and trying to smoosh.
I’m not emotionally responsible.
I hate being responsible for someone else’s feelings. I don’t want to have to walk around with his heart in my hands. I don’t want to have to worry about how he’s feeling about himself or about me and I definitely don’t want to have to put his feelings above my own. If I wanted to be emotionally responsible for someone else, I’d have a kid.
They’re not a waste of my time.
There’s this stigma out here that spending time with guys you know you’re not going to marry is a waste of time. I beg to differ. Life is about experiences and gathering as many as you possibly can. Even if the guy turns out to be a complete a-hole, the experience won’t be a waste of time because I’ll learn something about myself. Isn’t that the entire point of all this?!
They don’t cause drama when I end it.
Relationships with non-committal guys don’t last forever but when they’re over, they’re over—no drama, no hassle, no mess. Sure, there might be a little talk about it, but typically no one freaks out or is too surprised. Either we both knew it was coming or we didn’t and we don’t really give a crap. Breaking up with a guy who’s all into the relationship takes energy. Way too much energy, in fact.
I’m a little bit of a mess.
My life isn’t perfect and neither am I. I’m trying, trust me, but I’m messy right now. Having a guy who’s not looking so closely at my mess is sort of freeing. The thing with committed boyfriends is that they care about you. They talk to you, listen to what you say, and try to help you feel good. No thanks—I don’t need help right now. I don’t need someone looking so hard at my life.
They’re more sustainable.
This might not be the case for everyone, but non-committal boyfriends typically last longer in my life than committed ones do. Don’t believe me? Real talk: I’ve remained close to the non-committal ones in my life for a very long time. No, we’re not still a “thing” but we’re cool. My ex-boyfriends? I hate half of them and the other half might be dead. Who knows?
I’m way more comfortable this way.
It takes awhile for me to get 100% comfortable in a relationship. It’s typically not until around month five that I even let myself poop at a boyfriend’s place. Non-committal boyfriends provide an instant solace—I don’t lose sleep over their opinion of me because I know they’re not trying to get to know me on an intimate level.
I can be upfront.
Speaking of being comfortable, not caring what non-committed dudes think means I can automatically be more vocal and upfront about my needs. Instead of having to wait the “appropriate amount of time” to ask about their sexual history or show them my freaky side, I can get to that almost the same day of meeting them (maybe not the same day, but pretty damn early).
There’s no commitment obviously.
I can hang out and go on dates with other people if I’m with a non-committal guy. I know that statement totally sounds like I’m someone who’s afraid of commitment, but that’s not it. Sometimes people that are more compatible with you just come out of nowhere. I don’t want to miss out on a better opportunity because I’m too focused on the committed relationship I’m in.
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