I’ve always rushed into relationships, often to my detriment. After dating my current boyfriend for awhile, the usual “where is this going?” question came up and the pressure to decide what we were doing caused us to start arguing constantly and even consider putting an end to things. Instead, we decided to take things down a notch and start over. Turns out, it’s the best thing we could have done.
- Once the pressure was off, things could progress at their own pace. That simple relief alone was enough to stop us from being short with each other for absolutely no reason. Without the pressure to start taking the next steps, they started happening naturally. I never thought that the pressure to adhere to traditional relationship timelines was holding us back, but it was proven once we chilled out a bit.
- It allowed us to be more honest. I wasn’t aware how much I was sugar-coating some of my thoughts to keep from upsetting my boyfriend. He noticed but also never said anything to me about it and would just handle his issues the same way. After deciding to hold off on some of the life-changing decisions we were planning, the truth started coming out and some of it was brutal. Funny enough, that actually brought us closer. We both knew we had nothing to lose at that point so it allowed us to air all of the grievances we’d been holding back and actually start to repair them.
- We regained our separate lives which made our life together that much better. For a while, I put a hold on a lot of my own dreams and desires for my guy and vice versa. Taking a step back gave us the opportunity to rediscover a lot of things about ourselves and remind us who we were outside of the relationship. I wanted to have a well-rounded life and that meant doing things and seeing people that had nothing to do with him and he needed to do the same.
- We could focus on our individual needs which made us better partners. I don’t like to be selfish but sometimes it’s essential. Once I started putting my needs first instead of considering what was better for “us,” I started feeling whole and self-assured. Being secure with myself allowed me to be present for him and he was able to do the same for me. You can’t give your all to someone when there’s none of you left.
- We weren’t afraid to be our truest selves. Just like I sugarcoated thoughts and feelings, I also sugarcoated some bad habits I’d picked up over the years. Like anyone, I didn’t want my partner to see my worst traits right away. I didn’t want to come off like the girl with problems but the truth is, sometimes I do have them. I’m a human being, after all. I started being more open with things like that and I was super relieved to find that my boyfriend had problems too! No matter how silly they seemed, it brought a new bond to our relationship.
- It taught us a lot about each other. Since we’d been in our relationship awhile, I’d begun thinking that I’d come to know my boyfriend pretty well and he felt the same about me. Once the honesty started flowing and our true personalities surfaced without the fear of rejection, we discovered so many new things, good and bad, about each other. Granted, there were some things that were less appealing but it was so much better to feel like we didn’t have to hold the ugly things back and instead could allow them out in the open where we could acknowledge and work on them.
- We both gained a huge amount of confidence. No one ever told me that being true to yourself actually results in self-confidence. Had I known this earlier, my life would have been a lot easier. I’ve always struggled with my self-esteem but apparently so did my boyfriend and I had no idea. We had started loving each other in a way that was completely open and that gave both of us a new perspective on things we wanted and deserved. We let go of a lot of fear in gaining that amount of confidence and that was able to help us help each other if we ever started doubting things. That’s what love is all about.
- We learned to not live on a timeline but instead to live in the moment. We needed to let up on that whole idea that things need to come quickly and in a certain order if we were truly in a successful relationship. I’m not saying that there weren’t occasions where we’d need to actually have things accomplished by a specific date, but the majority of our relationship could go at a more natural pace. It helped us appreciate the little moments along the way instead of skimming past them in hopes of something bigger happening. Those little moments are what make our relationship worth it.
