Reminder: Your Problems Won’t Disappear When You Find Love

Reminder: Your Problems Won’t Disappear When You Find Love ©iStock/Kiuikson

Love is amazing, but that doesn’t mean that getting into a relationship will fix all of your problems overnight. Even the best relationships in the world are still being played out by totally real humans who are unpredictable and emotional in ways that the feeling of love isn’t. Here’s why your problems don’t just disappear when you find love:

  1. It might fill one void, but not all of them. If your self-esteem is lacking, for example, you might get a boost from finding love, but that doesn’t mean it’s going to carry over to your work life, your family relationships, or even your mental and emotional state. It might improve your mood, but it’s not a fix-all.
  2. You can still make mistakes. Being in a loving relationship doesn’t make you immune to making mistakes, so if you have any destructive habits, they might stick until you give them the serious heave-ho.
  3. Relationships can be really hard. Even when a relationship is going great, it still introduces new challenges. How about caring really deeply for another person and their well-being to kick things off? When they hurt, you hurt. It’s not easy (but it can be worth it).
  4. Love doesn’t pay the bills. Nor does it reduce the idea of financial stress, give you a raise, or get you a scholarship to grad school. Those real life things tend to remain despite your relationship status.
  5. You can’t control other people. Hopefully your love is the best guy in the world, but what if he isn’t? Or what if he needs to take a job across the country? A relationship may not always stay the same, no matter how it looks today.
  6. You continue to change, as well. Forget about him — what’s going to happen in your life within the next year? We make all kinds of plans, but we don’t really know. Hopefully we don’t have any huge “problems” but even small challenges can seem like problems in a certain light.
  7. Your love can’t change the way you feel about yourself. You might be transformed by loving and being loved, or you might be shaking in your boots wondering if you deserve it the entire time. Feeling worthy and confident comes from you, not him.
  8. You might still operate from a place of lack. Similarly to how a lottery winner can spend all their riches and go bankrupt, we can take our love for granted and use it up or treat it poorly instead of nurturing it for growth. It’s a choice.
  9. Expecting someone to save you just creates pressure. Some people are saved by their relationships in one way or another, but going into them with that expectation is a recipe for disaster. He might not feel prepared or worthy of saving someone…. even though he would enhance your life in a non-needy love life.
  10. You’re still emotional. No matter how much love you experience in a romantic relationship, you might still have a day where your coworker gets on your last nerve and you end up snapping at her and getting called in and bitched out by your boss. Such is life.
Kate Ferguson is a Los Angeles local and freelance writer for a variety of blog and magazine genres. When she's not writing, the UC Davis graduate is focused on pursuits of the entertainment industry, spin class, and hot sauce. Look for article links, updates, (and the occasional joke) on Twitter @KateFerg or @WriterKateFerg, or check out her personal blog