I’m A Professional Matchmaker—Here’s What That Actually Looks Like

Matchmaking is an art and one that’s not easy to master. Still, people are always surprised when I tell them that bringing couples together is actually my full-time job. Here’s what this line of work really entails—you might be surprised.

I connect with people.

 This is the most important part of my job. When I first start working with a client, I set up an initial meeting that lasts about an hour. During this session, I get to really know them. We might talk about their relationship history, what they’re looking for, what their lifestyle is like, and most importantly, how they want to feel in their ideal relationship. I have dozens of questions that I like to ask. Without the answers to them, it makes it difficult for me to get an idea of what kind of match would be good for them.

I ask tough questions. 

Sure, I’m working for my client, but they have to put in some effort too. Throughout the process, I ask tough questions aimed at getting to the bottom of what my client is looking for and why they’re still single. It’s always surprising to me that many of my clients have never really put much thought into what they’re actually looking for. When I ask them, they seem stumped. I recommend spending some time journaling about their ideal relationship. Some of my other favorite questions are, “Have you been preparing at all for a new relationship?” and “How does your ideal partner make you feel?”

I strategize and help my clients make actual strides.

 When it comes to love, everyone has issues, blockages, and past trauma. These things shouldn’t stand in the way of finding love as long as you’re willing to confront them head-on. I help my clients put together action plans that help them move beyond their issues towards love. An action plan could include anything from journaling, visualization exercises, or even working towards changing their mindset about relationships.

I get a feel for energy. 

One of the most common comments I hear from clients is, “She/he was perfect on paper, but I just didn’t feel a spark.” As a matchmaker, I know that hitting the top qualities on my client’s checklist of desired traits isn’t enough to make a good match. That’s why whenever I speak to a client or a potential match, one of the main things on my mind is trying to get in tune with their energy. I always ask myself, “How does speaking to this person make me feel?” From there, I’m able to get a better sense of who my client or potential match might click well with.

Daily meditation is a requirement. 

There’s no question that working as a matchmaker is an emotional job. Not only do I have to process and deal with the emotions of my clients while remaining sensitive to their needs, I also have to check my own feelings. My emotions and past trauma are constantly being triggered by this job, but if I’m not able to get my personal junk out of the way, I can’t serve as a conduit for love for my clients. Meditation and yoga every day are my secret tools for staying in the mindset of love and receptivity, no matter what’s going on in my personal life.

I do lots of scouting. 

Although we have people coming to us by the thousands wanting to be set up, I’m constantly on the hunt for dynamic singles I can set my clients up on dates with. This might including chatting with someone cool at a bar or reaching out to my eligible friends. If someone catches my eye on social media, I might ever ask them to join! In fact, if you’re interested in being set up on a date, just send me an email!

Vetting, vetting, and more vetting. 

One of the benefits of working with a matchmaker over dating apps is that we’re able to vet matches ahead of time. How many times have you been in an almost relationship with someone, only to find out they don’t want an exclusive relationship? Have you ever gone out with someone and later learned they were actually in an open relationship? Have you fallen in love then found out they were just trying to convert you to their religion? How about baby mama drama? These things happen all the time in the dating app world, but as a matchmaker, I cover all of these bases and more before setting someone up with one of my clients.

I collect data. 

After each date, I like to get on the phone with my clients and their dates to get the scoop on how the date went and how it made them feel. This helps me to understand how my client is looking at their dates, what their needs really are, and what they’re actually attracted to. The data I collect doesn’t always match up with what my clients are telling me, so all of this information can help my clients to radically change their views on dating and love. If the date had any important feedback, it’s possible that I could also share this with my client, which can help them improve their dating skills.

I plan creative dates.

 Going on good dates has kind of become a lost art. A date today usually consists of meeting for coffee or grabbing drinks. While these can be great dates if you’re a natural conversationalist, they aren’t ideal for everybody. Plus, going on the same kinds of dates can also get pretty boring. I like to plan dates that help my clients connect in a more dynamic fashion. This might mean pairing two art lovers up at a museum because sharing passions is a way better icebreaker than small talk. I might send someone with anxiety who has trouble starting conversation to a cocktail class so that the pressure of coming up with conversation isn’t on them.

Eventually, I let go. 

I can prepare my clients for success and vet my matches as much as humanly possible, but at the end of the day, I can’t force my client to be openminded or ready for love. When I set someone up on a date, I have to surrender and trust that they can guide their own journey from there. I might be sure that someone is a great catch, but I can’t force anyone to see things from my perspective. I also can’t control chemistry. Sometimes that hurts, but learning to surrender is an art. Until then, yoga and meditation are my best friends!

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