I’m Proud Of My Success But It Seems Like A Turn-Off To Most Guys

I’m a woman in her late twenties with a successful career. I feel like I have it together when it comes to my career, but I’m finding it difficult to get a guy to stick around without him getting scared off by my big paycheck and high social status. 

  1. I’m almost tempted to tell guys I’m an eyebrow waxer. Once most guys find out that I have a job where I actually need to use my brain, they get instantly intimidated. Either they truly don’t care that I’m intelligent or they feel like they’re in competition with me. Unless I’m going up against a guy who’s pretty far along on his chosen career path, I find their faces drop when they find out that I’m a career woman.
  2. A lot of guys can’t accept that they aren’t the smartest in the room. You’d be surprised how many guys actually consider a smart woman to be a huge turn-off, especially guys who have compensated for their lack of physical strength by cultivating their mental abilities. They know their smarts are really all they have, and if the woman they’re dating is equally as smart as them, they tend to feel emasculated.
  3. It’s drilled into them from birth to be successful. I understand that there’s a huge pressure on guys to be at the top of their careers from both their families and the girls they date, but it’s just so unfair that if a woman wants to be successful, she has to deal with guys either putting her down for it or being intimidated by her. 
  4. The second I challenge my date on a concept, they get awkward. I’m naturally inquisitive and like to ask a lot of questions, but I recently learned that most guys kinda hate that. They want to be the ones to ask the questions. They want to bring up the topics and control the conversation. I can’t help it, though—I’m just a really curious person. 
  5. Am I really going to dumb myself down for a guy? I’ve considered doing things like not talking as much as I usually do on dates and just agreeing with everything the guy says, but I feel like such an idiot when it’s over and SO not like myself. It’s like, should I mold myself into the “ideal woman” or should I just be authentic? Ugh.
  6. I guess I only have a chance with successful guys. It’s not so bad being a smart, successful woman because then at least I’m restricted to dating other smart, successful guys who aren’t intimidated by my career and might even want to collaborate with me professionally in the future. There’s just no way I’d ever be able to date a plumber, which is fine.
  7. I shouldn’t have to choose between a career and a love life. It sucks because sometimes I truly feel like I have to choose between a career and a relationship. I know for a fact that most guys aren’t interested in dating a girl who’s so obsessed with her career, but to me, it’s a good thing to be successful and independent. Such a conundrum.
  8. It’s hard finding guys in my age group who aren’t confused about their jobs. I made the mistake once of dating a guy who’s “in-between” careers and it was a disaster. He would resent me for being so successful and sure of myself, meanwhile, he didn’t even know where he wanted to work or what he wanted to be. He thought I was better than him in that regard so he dumped me. 
  9. I’m not easy to impress and that scares guys away. I guess when guys hear about all the people I’ve worked for and what I’ve done so far career-wise, they feel like whatever stuff they’ve done pales in comparison and wouldn’t matter to me. That’s not true, by the way, but I can tell that they know it’s kind of a lost cause to try to impress me. 
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.