PSA: Guys, Please Don’t Do This Weird Stuff On A First Date

PSA: Guys, Please Don’t Do This Weird Stuff On A First Date ©iStock/demaerre

When we’ve been dating for what feels like way too long, we’re bound to run into the same types of guys — and the same awkward first dates — more than we’d like. We really want to meet a great guy and we hope you’re it, but if you want a chance with us, please don’t do this weird stuff when we’ve only just met:

  1. Complain. No one can be super positive 100% of the time, but that doesn’t mean you should be whining and complaining about things on the first date. We’re not interested in dating someone who’s crazy negative. Life is hard enough and we work way too hard to stay upbeat. A first date is an opportunity to put your best foot forward, and being a Donnie Downer is not a good look.
  2. Act like you’ve forgotten everything we talked about previously. It’s impossible to remember everything from an online conversation, and that’s kind of why we like to go on a physical date in the first place. But if you tell us that you literally can’t remember anything that we discussed and you ask us what our job is and where we’re from when we’ve already covered those basic topics, we’re going to think it’s pretty weird.
  3. Ask why we’re here. We want to meet someone that we actually like — isn’t that clear? Apparently not. When you ask us why we’re even on this date, we’re not sure if we should announce to the entire bar that, nope, we’re not here for a hookup and we didn’t think that trying to find love was so crazy. It’s weird and vaguely condescending — after all, aren’t you here for the same thing?
  4. Talk about yourself for an hour. Sure, we want to get to know you, but we don’t want to stare at you blankly while you keep droning on about your amazing career, what you and your bros did last weekend and how you got season tickets for the Knicks. Would it kill you to ask us a few questions for a change?
  5. Act like our jobs are no big deal. It’s no secret that some guys are intimidated by strong and smart women, and if you’re one of those guys, we want nothing to do with you. It shouldn’t be so hard for you to say our careers sound awesome or something equally supportive. It’s just super weird if you can’t be happy that we’ve found success, but it’s always super obvious if you aren’t. Our ambition and achievements don’t undermine yours, so chill with the insecurity.
  6. Be down on yourself. A little self-deprecation isn’t a bad thing but there’s a fine line between that and self-loathing. If you’re going to insult yourself on a first date in the hopes of making us laugh or making yourself look better, we’re not going to buy into it.
  7. Say you’re super busy. We don’t want to hear about your social plans for the rest of the week or how packed your schedule is as a means of telling us why we probably won’t hang out again soon. We’re busy too, but we’re not going to complain about it. Are you trying to impress us or are you trying to prove that you’re too important to go on a second date? We’re not sure, but whatever the reason, we’re not into it.
  8. Go on a rant. Everyone has that topic (or two, or 100) that makes them rant like nothing else, but we don’t tend to rant on the first date. We’re not about to pretend that we don’t have thoughts or opinions, but we tend to keep the conversation a bit lighter and more fun. If you want to rant and go nuts, save it for someone else.
  9. Get too personal. It’s one thing to ask why we like our job, it’s another to ask what rent we’re paying on our apartment or how much money we made last year. Skip the super personal questions and stick to normal topics like Netflix (we can talk for hours on that one). Otherwise, you’re just being weird. There are other ways to show your interest in us than asking inappropriate questions. Choose one of them.
  10. Refuse to at least TRY to impress us. We’re not asking you to show up in a horse-drawn carriage with a bouquet of red roses hidden behind your back. We’re not even asking you to pay for us. We’re just asking for you to put in a bit of effort to make a good impression. If you don’t seem super sold on that idea, you’re letting your immaturity shine through. We don’t know when making a good first impression went out the window, but we do know that we’re never seeing you again.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.