PSA: If You’re Not Looking For A Real Relationship, Please Get Off Dating Apps

The jury is out on whether dating apps are better for hooking up or finding love, but it’s safe to say that a whole bunch of happy couples met by swiping right. It’s like Tinder is more common than meeting IRL these days. However, the sad truth is that a lot of guys who are online dating have zero interest in anything serious. Here’s a PSA, dudes: if you’re not looking for a real relationship, please get off dating apps.

  1. You’re wasting my time. Do I really want to talk to you for an hour on the app, then make a plan to meet up in person, then worry about the first date, then go on a few dates with you before finally learning that you aren’t looking for commitment? Nope, not at all. That doesn’t sound like a good use of my time. If you’re not interested in being with someone for real, there’s no point even talking to me, let alone using these apps.
  2. You’re wasting your own time too. If you start dating me but don’t want to make it real, you’re not only wasting my time but your own as well. You can probably tell from my profile or our first date that I’m not looking for a hookup, so what are you going to get from this whole deal? Probably nothing.
  3. You’re giving online dating a bad name. Every time I interact with a guy who’s a commitment-phobe, it makes me wonder if everyone using dating apps feels the same way. I start wondering if there’s even any point to using this stuff and then I feel horrible because that’s a negative thought spiral to go down. To all the guys who use dating apps but don’t want a relationship: you’re ruining the entire experience.
  4. You’re missing the point. Sure, there are a lot of guys who swipe left and right and all they care about is sex, but there are just as many people who are searching for The One, if not more. If you don’t want anything serious, you’re totally missing the point of dating apps. The entire reason to set up a profile is to see if anyone is out there and to go on real dates (aka actually taking things offline to see if there’s a connection).
  5. You’re making me paranoid AF. I’ve had a few what I call online dating false alarms. I’ve met a cool guy, gotten excited about him, and then learned that he wasn’t looking for a girlfriend for one reason or another. This makes me super paranoid since I keep thinking that this is going to happen to me again… and again… and again. It’s not a great experience. If you don’t want to commit, you’re honestly just making things even worse.
  6. You’re ignoring the success stories. Everyone knows that couple who met on Tinder or OkCupid and is now totally and completely in love. Sure, I have my single girl moments when I hate hearing this since it hasn’t happened to me yet. But I believe this is possible. If you don’t want to find someone, then you’re ignoring the success stories and seriously missing out.
  7. You have issues. It may sound harsh but it’s true. The reasons that you don’t want a relationship are not as legit or logical as you think. You’re afraid of opening yourself up to someone new, which is super lame, and you don’t seem to realize that having a special someone in your life is actually pretty awesome.
  8. You should stop feeding girls the “I’m not looking for a relationship right now” line. If you’re online dating and you don’t want a relationship, then you’re going to use this line, and that makes you the worst person ever. I’ll be the first to admit that when I first was told this, I thought that meant that make someday in the future the guy would change this mind. Of course he won’t. This is a cruel joke that guys play and it’s getting old.
  9. You have to stop playing games. Why are you using dating apps if you’re not looking for something real? To see how many girls are going to fall for you, of course. That’s pretty horrible. Is your self-esteem so bad that you can’t live without trying to get girls to like you? You should find better things to do with your time.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.