I Purposely Avoid Guys Other Women Fall All Over — Here’s Why

Some guys really do attract almost every woman they meet, whether because of their looks, their charm, or their reputation. But even though these kinds of men definitely appeal to a lot of other ladies, their popularity often has the opposite effect on me. Here’s why:

  1. A popular guy tends to have a big head. If a guy’s loved by so many women, it’s impossible for him to remain down to earth. Soon, he’ll start thinking he’s all that, with women confirming this again and again for him. I really don’t want to feel like one of his “groupies”.
  2. He probably expects things. A guy who’s loved will quickly get used to how women treat him. They might bend over backwards to impress him or try to get him into bed. So when I rock up, not keen to do anything like that, he’ll probably be confused or put off. He expects women to behave in a certain way, which is a turn-off for me. I don’t follow a stupid script.
  3. The “textbook handsome” guy doesn’t do it for me. Some popular guys are really good looking in an almost uninteresting way. They’re the guys everyone can objectively say are hot, but that just bores me to death. I want someone who’s got something else going on and isn’t relying on his good looks to get by. His great personality needs to show if I’m going to stop and pay attention.
  4. I don’t like dating egosThe guy who’s so used to being liked will not only think a lot of himself, he’ll also want to share that knowledge with the world. This can take the form of posting loads of selfies on Facebook, not being able to take criticism, and being super arrogant. Ugh.
  5. I don’t like competition. I really hate the idea of feeling like I have to compete with so many other women for a guy’s attention. It’s not that I’m insecure — it’s just that I don’t want to work hard to get him to notice me over all the other women throwing themselves at him. No guy’s worth that.
  6. He’s desperate for attention, which puts me off. It might seem like the sweet, charming, and sexy guy at work who’s loved by everyone is really confident, but even if he is, at least on some level he craves attention because he’s so used to it. It’s like a drug. The minute that attention gets taken away, he’ll feel almost like he’s going into withdrawal from ti. I don’t want to be around someone who only feels good when his selfies get lots of “likes” or women flirt with him.
  7. I’m more than just a number. I can’t help but feel that a guy who’s so popular won’t be able to commit. I mean, why should he stick to just one woman when he can get different ones all the time? But screw that — I’m not a number. I’m a valuable person who knows her worth. I won’t settle for being someone’s option when it’s convenient for him.
  8. What makes him likeable can be a problem. If he’s so liked by everyone, chances are he’s charming. He might feel he has to be in order for people to like him so much. The problem is that charming guys sometimes come on too strongly because they have a hidden agenda. It’s hard to know what’s really going on underneath that smooth appearance. I don’t want to be on a date, showered with attention and gifts and feeling like he’s just playing a game.
  9. He might be closed off. The guy who’s loved by many women might be hard to reach. He’s got his walls up, perhaps from being hurt in the past by someone who — shockingly — didn’t like him, or because he hates commitment. So he keeps women at an arm’s length, leading them on and wanting cheap thrills more than something real. That’s not what I’m looking for.
  10. I’m not in this for my own ego. For some people, dating a hot guy everyone wants is thrilling. They feel they’re becoming appealing by association, and it’s an ego boost to know that a guy in such demand would want them. But I don’t care about that stuff. I’m looking for something real, and I’m not going to base my happiness on a guy who’s liked by everyone. He’s got to be liked by me — and for something more important than his looks or charm.
  11. He becomes boring after a while. After a while of dating the hot, popular guy, it becomes really boring. I’m much more interested in the guy who’s in the shadows instead of the spotlight, who isn’t known for his popularity, but becomes someone really interesting once I peel back all his layers. I want someone who’s different and interesting in his own way and wants many nights with one special woman instead of a thousand one-night stands.
Giulia Simolo is a writer from Johannesburg, South Africa with a degree in English Language and Literature. She has been working as a journalist for more than a decade, writing for sites including AskMen, Native Interiors, and Live Eco. You can find out more about her on Facebook and LinkedIn, or follow her on Twitter @GiuliaSimolo.