I Put My Partner On “Sex Probation” & It Worked

My partner and I had sex early in our relationship and sex quickly began to define our relationship. I wanted to make sure he valued me for more than just sex so I put him on “sex probation” — I’m glad I did.

1. I was able to see the relationship with a fresh pair of eyes. We had sex every time we hung out and rarely spent time together if it sex wasn’t on the agenda. We were both losing sight of what attracted us to each other in the first place and I got really confused and kind of disheartened. Removing sex from the equation helped me see the relationship clearly again without the huge cloud of lust fogging my judgment.
2. I had the space to determine whether the relationship was actually worth it or just a colossal waste of time. Did I even like this man? Were we even compatible intellectually or was our sex just that good? Lust is a powerful drug and can trick us into thinking we have feelings that we really don’t. Putting sex on the back burner for a while really helped me decide on the direction of our relationship and I think it did the same for him.
3. Any worries/suspicions I had about the relationship disappeared. My trust issues and insecurities had started to take over, which is why I put a stop to the physical intimacy temporarily. I’d started to believe that all guys are interested in is sex, and part of me worried that withholding it would make him lose interest entirely. Thankfully, I was wrong and I soon realized that he truly liked me.
4. It proved his loyalty to me. Loyalty is huge to me in relationships and I needed to feel confident that he wouldn’t cheat if we weren’t jumping each other’s bones 24/7. Sure, he said sex probation was no biggie and he could wait, but in trying times, would he seek pleasure elsewhere? Thankfully, he stayed faithful to me and truly earned my trust.
5. We focused so much more on romance. Since sex was no longer a thing, affection had to be shown in different ways. Holding hands and forehead kisses replaced naked spooning and ass smacks. Believe it or not, this brought us closer than sex ever did and proved to me once and for all that true romance isn’t dead.
6. We actually started dating again. I basically forced us to return to the simple dating stage in order to avoid any temptation we might have to sleep together during this time. If we wanted to relax and watch a movie, we took it to a movie theater. If we were hungry, we hit up our favorite restaurant. Doing this allowed us to enjoy each other’s company and actually engage in meaningful conversation. Our bond began to grow and it hasn’t stopped since.
7. Instead of just sexual partners, we actually became friends. The time we spent in the bedroom was now spent just hanging out and laughing together. The more our friendship grew, the more our romantic relationship grew. We became more and more comfortable with each other and simply enjoyed one another’s presence. It felt amazing.
8. I felt so much more valued and respected. Feeling sexually desired makes any woman feel good, but we still need more—at least I do. I need to know that I’m respected and valued by the person I’m dating as well, that he sees me as more than just an easy lay. Holding out on sex for a while gave me that feeling and ensured I’d never question it again.
9. The sexual tension could be cut with a knife. You think you were attracted to your partner before? Wait until you’ve had your cake but can no longer eat it. My sexual desires and downright desperation for my boyfriend was so intense at times that I thought we were going to have to put sex probation on probation. I think he can agree that it was the biggest tease but it left us only wanting more.
10. When we actually had sex, it was better than ever before. When I felt that our relationship had grown enough and I trusted that it was more than just sex, probation was lifted and my oh my, was it worth it. All of the built-up anticipation, desires, and feelings that had grown over the previous months were released in one giant ball of passion that deserved an award, it was that good. Totally worth it, I think.