Stop Putting The Guy You Like On A Pedestal—You’re Setting Yourself Up For Disappointment

While it’s cool to be excited and to have a high opinion of the guy, putting your crush on a pedestal is the worst thing you can do. You’ll not only completely screw up the potential for a great relationship but you’ll end up getting hurt in the end. Do yourself a favor and come down to earth because here’s what happens if you don’t:

  1. You start feeling like you’re not enough. When you put the guy you like on a pedestal, you lose sight of your own strengths. You think he’s the most amazing chef, athlete, and businessman on the planet and that you’ll never be good enough for him but that’s BS and it’s destructive. Instead, start treating yourself like the queen you are awesome things will happen. Plus, blindly worshipping someone will only appeal to narcissists.
  2. You forget that love is a two-way street. Putting the man on a pedestal makes you completely forget that he’s got to work for you too. When you start idealizing him, you immediately think of him as the holy grail of all guys and even if he doesn’t treat you well, you accept it without a question. Remember that he likes you too, so relax. Be his girlfriend, not a fangirl.
  3. You immediately become the pursuer. In relationships, there’s usually one person who’s a little more into it, chasing the other. You don’t want to be that person. Go for a balance. If you like each other, you won’t have to kill yourself trying to impress your crush. Get him off the pedestal and let him chase you too. After all, you’re a catch and deserve as much time and effort as he does.
  4. You start acting weird around him. Whenever I like someone, I start acting like a total freak. Don’t be like me. Stop acting like he’s a god and being weird around him. Guys sense that right away. Instead of looking strange, desperate, and overly excited, realize that he’s just a regular human being and be yourself. Acting strange will make him think that you’re playing games or that you’ve overly dramatic. Avoid that at all costs; it will ruin the relationship.
  5. You become blind to his flaws. When you put your crush on a pedestal, you only see his good sides. Focusing on how good-looking and strong he is will prevent you from seeing his insecurity and need for validation. We all have weaknesses. Accept his—that doesn’t mean your feelings will stop. If anything, he’ll like you much more for embracing all sides of him.
  6. You become obsessed with someone you barely like. It’s cool to be really into someone, but only when you’ve gotten to know them. Putting your crush on a pedestal will make you obsess over a complete stranger. That’s super unhealthy and can never lead to a good relationship. Make sure you know before you start visualizing your lives together. It takes time but it’ll be totally worth it. Don’t rush things.
  7. You fail to get to know him. By idealizing a guy, you’ll fail to see beyond your own imagination. I was infatuated with someone that I thought was the most charming, talented and kind guy. It turned out that he was a serial user and sociopath. I put him on a pedestal and failed to see his true self. That ended up hurting me big time. I wish I’d opened my eyes to the reality sooner.
  8. Since you can’t shut up about him, you alienate your friends. I’ve caught myself boring people to death with stories about my crush or my idea on how we’ll have the best time together. Newsflash: no one cares and it’s super annoying. I could see people getting bored to death, blocking me out, yet I wasn’t able to stop myself. Don’t be that person. It’s cool to talk about it but sparingly and only when someone asks.
  9.  You make him feel suffocated. If you have a guy on a pedestal, you begin making unnecessary sacrifices. You’ll be doing his chores, following him around and checking on him every five seconds. That will most definitely make him feel suffocated and he’ll dump you. Realize that he’s just as normal as you are and doesn’t need special treatment. Just let him do his thing, you do yours, and enjoy your time together.
  10. You’re in for a rude awakening. When you hold a guy in such high regard, you’re in love with an empty image in your mind. That’s the same as being infatuated with Leonardo DiCaprio in Titanic—the guy isn’t real. If you don’t come back to reality, you’ll wake up one day realizing that the guy you’re with isn’t real and that you’ve basically been living in a fantasy world for months or even years. That will break your heart. Save yourself the trouble and stop worshipping him.
Dayana is a passionate traveler who's been navigating foreign lands and confusing relationships since she was 16. You can read more of her work on Matador Network and her blog, Dee Across The Sea.
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