Having sex with someone new can be fraught with anxiety or doubt. You figured that somehow you’d just know when the moment was right to take the plunge, but here’s your big chance and somehow you’re still not sure. These are just some of the questions you should be thinking about that when you decide if now is the right time.
Do you trust him?
Because trust is just a non-negotiable. Do you feel confident that this guy is not, to put it bluntly, a loser? If you can’t answer ‘yes’ with confidence, maybe you should seriously reconsider.
If your friends find out about this, are you going to be OK with that?
Because they will find out. There’s really no such thing as a hookup that stays secret. Do your friends feel differently than you do about hooking up? Is this going to cause you any drama, and are you ready to deal with that?
What about if your parents find out?
Sure, you’re a big girl and you can live your own life, but be prepared to deal with what your mom and dad are going to say when you leave your phone out on the table at Thanksgiving and your mom reads a sultry text from the guy you just met last week. Just think of your parents as that little miniature angel standing on your shoulder and whispering in your ear (even though you don’t always have to listen).
Do you have a reasonable pair of shoes to walk home in the next morning?
Because let’s face it, even though it sounds silly that this should be a factor, you’re so over the walk of shame. If you’re going to have to book it across town tomorrow in heels, he’d better be so worth it.
Is doing it going to affect how he looks at you?
And do you care? Yes, it’s 2015, but if you hook up with him early, that still might affect how he views your long-term potential as anything more than just a hook-up. You should know going into it if he’s the kind of guy that thinks that way and if you’re OK with that.
Is this something that you had already thought out and decided you were cool with before you saw him tonight?
It’s always better to decide how far you’re willing to go before you get caught up in the moment (and the hormones). It’s not out of the question to change your mind later. If sleeping with him wasn’t originally in the cards, though, take the extra time and really figure out if this is something you want or if you’re just being smooth talked into crossing what you said your line was.
Do you feel like you’re both equally emotionally invested in each other?
There’s an argument to be made for a more casual arrangement, but that arrangement starts crumbling to pieces when one person is hoping for something more.
What are you hoping to get out of it?
It may sound bizarrely professional to have a strictly defined goal before you have sex, but you should lay out your expectations from the start. If you have the talk about where this is going, you’re less likely to get burned that way.
It’s not a rhetorical question. Sometimes you just get that feeling that it’s not right, or there’s something else that’s giving you pause. If you’re getting that “I’m not so sure about this vibe,” stop and really think about why your gut is telling you to say no. If you’re getting the green light on all fronts, though, go for it and enjoy (you sexy devil, you).
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