So, you’re ready to tie the knot with your person. Congrats! However, before you say “I do,” you need to make sure you’re prepared. Do you know everything you need to know to ensure a successful union? Below are some questions to ask before marriage. Your partner’s answers will illuminate your relationship. They could also reveal potential red flags. Make sure you’re paying attention!
Questions to ask before marriage
- What are your goals for the future? There’s no way a long-term relationship will last if you’re on completely different pages about this. That’s not to say you shouldn’t still have your own goals and dreams. However, you should agree on the big stuff.
- How do you handle conflict? If they use emotional withholding to punish you after an argument, that’s a red flag. Or, if they prefer to walk away and sweep issues under the carpet, that’s also a no-go. You will have problems in your relationship. It’s being willing to tackle them head-on that matters most.
- What is your communication style? Are they passive-aggressive or accusatory? Do they consider themself to be a good listener or are they constantly talking over you? Figuring out a healthy way to communicate in which you both feel heard and respected is vital.
- What are your financial goals and habits? If you prefer to save and not spend on frivolous items but they live paycheck to paycheck because they live beyond their means, you’re going to clash. While you can have your own ideas about money, you must agree on your joint financial approach. That’s why this is one of the most important questions to ask before marriage. Arguments about money are way too common and can destroy your relationship.
- How do you envision your roles and responsibilities in the relationship? Unless you’re looking to be a housewife who prepares all the meals and does all the chores, they’ll have to be willing to meet you halfway. How they see themself and what roles they’re prepared to fill will let you know what you’re in for in a marriage. Find out.
- How do you feel about having children? If you want children, how many and when? This is likely something you’ve discussed long before getting engaged. However, it’s still one of the questions you should revisit and ask again before marriage. People’s thoughts and feelings could change (though you shouldn’t expect them to).
- What are your expectations for the level of intimacy and physical affection in the relationship? Sex is an important part of every relationship. But does it matter so much to them that they’d leave you if you weren’t having it? What if you got ill or went through another hardship in which you couldn’t or didn’t want to have sex for a period? Is your connection strong enough to save you?
- What is your religious or spiritual background, and how important is it to you in a relationship? If you’re an atheist and they’re a deeply religious Catholic, this could cause friction. That’s especially true if you eventually decide to have children together.
- How do you envision spending your free time together and apart? Just because you’re married doesn’t mean you need to be together 24/7. In fact, you really shouldn’t be. Are they cool with giving you time to maintain your independence and do your own thing? If not, don’t marry them.
- What are your views on personal growth and self-improvement? We should all always be seeking to grow and evolve as human beings. The work is never done. You don’t want to marry someone who thinks they’re fine as-is and is never striving to be better.
- How do you handle stress or difficult situations? By this point, you’ve probably learned this by living it. However, it’s good to get their perspective on it. We all handle stress differently. By knowing their approach and reactions, you can better tailor your own responses to avoid additional conflict or anxiety.
- How do you view the importance of extended family relationships? They say when you’re marrying someone, you marry their family too. This is pretty much true. However, no matter how close they are to their mom or sister (or vice versa), there need to be boundaries in place too.
- What are your views on monogamy and fidelity in a relationship? If you’re getting married, you hopefully want to be monogamous. That being said, it’s not a foregone conclusion. Be sure you clarify where you both stand on this very important topic. It’ll avoid a world of hurt down the line.
- What are your thoughts on household chores and responsibilities? This is one of the most telling questions to ask before marriage. If the answer is anything other than “we should split them 50/50,” run.
- How do you envision maintaining a healthy work-life balance? Work is important, but so is your relationship. You have to have a life outside of your career. Are they dedicated to making that happen? If not, you could quickly drift apart.
It’s important to have open and honest conversations about these topics before getting married to ensure that you and your partner are on the same page and can build a strong, healthy, and lasting relationship.
Why it’s important to ask these questions
It’s important to talk openly and ask questions before marriage because it can help you to identify any potential conflict areas in the relationship. Not only that, but it can also give you an opportunity to get to know each other better and understand each other’s needs, wants, and expectations.
It sounds pretty obvious, but open communication is an important part of any relationship. In fact, without it, you’re pretty much doomed to fail. Discussing tough topics can help to build trust and understanding between partners. Plus, asking questions can also help to identify any shared values or interests that the two of you may have. Having an honest and open dialogue before marriage can help to ensure that both partners are on the same page and can help to avoid potential issues down the line.