I thought he was “The One” and therefore worth giving up everything I’d worked so hard for to literally move across the world for him. The truth is, he was just insecure and I was naïve. Now I’m broke and happier than I thought I could ever be.
He wouldn’t leave me alone. I met him in college. He was older than me, cool, complicated and exactly the type of guy I should have stayed away from. I was a senior finishing up my last year and getting excited about the future. Of course I gave him attention but I knew I shouldn’t pursue anything since there was a good chance I was moving to Texas. He asked me out multiple times a month regardless of how many times I turned him down.
I finally gave in. Basically, he wore me down but I was happy that he did. I also thought he was better than sliced bread, to be honest. We immediately dove into puppy love. I couldn’t get enough of him and he seemed to feel the same about me, so we spent every day together and I completely forgot to enjoy my last year of college with my friends.
I got the job I wanted. It was one of the happiest days of my life. I got the call that I’d been accepted into the program I applied to and I would be moving to Texas and making more money than most college kids do right away. My friends and I lost our damn minds and my parents were so proud, but all he said was, “Good for you.”
He made me doubt my decisions. He obviously wasn’t thrilled, but to be fair, I’d told him this was a possibility before we even started dating. I worked so hard for this and he should have been happy for me. I know he was trying to be but he made it absolutely clear that he wasn’t. It made me feel like I should have taken the offer given to me by a local business rather than chasing my dreams.
I graduated and moved away. We tried not to talk about it, but when the day came and we both cried, I had a feeling that we were going to be able to make it work because I could see how much he cared and I knew how dedicated I was to our relationship… or at least I thought so.
I felt like a monster. As the months apart went on, things got harder. He would tell me how he had no motivation to get out of bed or to go to school and that it was my fault. He couldn’t believe I was getting upset by his actions when I was the one who decided to leave in the first place. He made me feel so guilty for following my dreams that I felt I had to come home.
He convinced me that my job was toxic. I thought it was the worst place in the world and so bad for my mental health. Looking back at it now, sure, it was hard a lot of the time, but I think I was just trying to justify a reason to quit and he definitely helped push this idea. This place was so bad for me and us, so I should leave and everything would go back to normal. I really thought it was that simple.
I transferred jobs and moved back home. After hours of applying for other jobs and deciding it was OK if I didn’t stay with the same company, an opportunity opened for me to transfer home. He encouraged me to jump right on it. My parents were so upset and disappointed and said I shouldn’t change my life for a boy and that if it was meant to be, it would work out even while being apart. I thought they were ridiculous and that I was making a rational decision anyone would make for someone they loved. Once I was home, we got an apartment together.
Coming back cost me thousands of dollars. I wasn’t able to get out of my lease on my place in Texas without a penalty, plus I had to pay thousands for moving pods and for movers. I had to pay for our security deposit in our new home and of course all the gas to drive back to New York. It was a small fortune and he wasn’t able to help pay because he was still in school. My parents didn’t want to help because they thought it was a bad idea to begin with. With what was left of my money, I made it work and began my journey home.
We started our new life together. At first, everything was great. Over time, however, it became clear to me this was a horrible idea. We started fighting every day, I was responsible for paying for everything, he refused to touch me no matter what I did, and I was certain he had feelings for another girl. I constantly tried to talk to him about it all and he would just revert back to the fact that everything is different all because I’d decided to leave in the first place. It didn’t matter that I came back.
I was SO done. We got into a fight one night over text and I finally had the guts to say I was done with the relationship and he agreed without putting up a fight. I was a bit offended but also kind of relieved. He came by the next day and moved all of his stuff out when I was at work. It looked as if he had never even lived there once I got back home.
In the end, everything worked out. Sure, I gave up a lot for him and I’m currently in a job I don’t like. Yeah, I had to spend nine months paying for two rents, get rid of my car, move in with my cousin, and take on a second job. However, it’s made me realize how right my parents were. If something is meant to be, then it shouldn’t matter where I am. Thankfully, I’ve stopped romanticizing relationships with people that aren’t right for me, no matter how much I want them to be.
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