If you’re in a relationship, you want to feel like you’re important to your partner. While it may not be possible for them to always prioritize you above all else, you want to know that you’re a big part of their lives. That they’ll put you first often and whenever they can. You don’t want to have to wonder if you really matter to them or whether you’re one move away from being disposable. So if you’ve been spending quite a bit of time wondering whether he views you as a priority or an option, here are some questions to ask yourself and help you figure out where you stand in his life.
- Does he spend more time with his friends than with you? You tell him about wanting to spend more time together, he placates you and promises to do better but you still barely see him because he’s always out doing stuff with his friends. He might even cancel date night or other plans with you at the last minute just to be with them, but he’d never consider canceling plans with them for you. If this is your reality, that’s not a man who prioritizes you or your relationship together.
- Are you constantly trying to win his affection or attention? Yes, keeping a relationship alive takes work and intentionality, but it shouldn’t feel like hard work or something you’re compelled to do all the time. So if you’re spending a lot of time plotting how to get him to show you some love, that’s a sign that he might not care about as much as you’d like to believe. If you are a priority to him, you’ll hold his attention and feel his love for you without having to go to great lengths to earn them.
- Does he involve you in decisions or future plans? A man who sees you as an important part of his life is going to seek your opinions before making any big decisions. When he talks about his plans for the future, whether it’s traveling, relocating to a new city, or attending a friend’s wedding three months from now, he’s going to fit you in because you’re in his long-term plans. But if he doesn’t include you in these conversations, that’s a sign that you don’t rank very highly in his life.
- If you stopped putting in so much effort, what would happen to the relationship? Are you the one always initiating conversations and keeping them going? Does he take forever to reply to your texts? Are you responsible for planning and scheduling dates? Relationships are about teamwork, so if he’s not carrying his own share of the workload, it could be because he doesn’t think you’re worth the effort. So if you stopped doing all these things, the relationship would likely fall apart since you’re the only one prioritizing it.
- Does he keep making promises and breaking them? When someone prioritizes you and cares about your feelings and downing up for you, they won’t make it a habit of not keeping the promises they make. If he says he’s going to call, he will. If he promises to meet you at the restaurant at 8:00, he’ll be there at 8:00. He’ll let you know if he’s running late and have a pretty good excuse for his lateness. Only a guy who doesn’t rate you will be fine with always flaking on you.
- Does he keep you shut out of his life? No matter how introverted, private, or neurodivergent a man he, when he really values you, he’ll make an effort to share his thoughts and feelings with you. You won’t have to nag him over and over to make him open up to you. The burden of communicating won’t be on you alone. The conversations will flow naturally. He’ll tell you about what he gets up to during the day. He’ll share stories of his life from before you knew him. He’ll start to confide in you little by little.
- Do you feel like you’re being exploited? There are times when the weight-sharing in the relationship will be imbalanced so you might be the one making the greater effort, but that shouldn’t be the case all the time. You shouldn’t always be the one working around his schedule, making sacrifices, listening without being listened to. The one who shows an interest in his life and does all they can to help. If you are a priority to him, he won’t just swallow up all your time, care, and devotion and keep it moving, he’ll do his best to reciprocate.
- Is the relationship all about getting physical? Physical intimacy is a significant part of relationships, but if it is the main thing that defines your relationship and interactions with him, that could be a sign that you’re not a priority to him beyond hooking up. This is especially true if he only ever reaches out or tries to be sweet on you when he wants sex. Or if he never invited you to stay the night after hooking up. Or if he doesn’t bother to practice aftercare once he gets his rocks off.
- Does he invite you to family events or to hang with his friends? A man who sees you as a priority in his life will want you to blend into his family and friend groups. He’ll want to introduce you to other people that are important to him so they can get to know you and you can get to know them. So if you’ve been together a while, and he still hasn’t brought you around anyone important, that speaks volumes about your place in his life.