Are You Really Ready For A Relationship Or Just Bored?

Are You Really Ready For A Relationship Or Just Bored? ©iStock/max-kegfire

Being single can be really awesome sometimes, and other times it seems like it’s getting old and played out. When you start to feel that urge to couple up with someone, it can seem like a good option to hit up some dating apps and explore your options. There’s nothing wrong with that, but you should know that your urge may be rooted in boredom rather than actually being ready for a relationship. If any of the following signs are true, it’s possible that you’re just bored and really not ready to date anyone right now.

  1. You can find something wrong with every single guy. It’s a good thing to be picky about who you date, but you know when you’re nitpicking every single detail as opposed to simply being objective about what you want in a partner. If you pass up a guy because you’re an atheist and he wrote that he wants someone to go to church with, that’s legitimate. If he seems like a good match personality-wise but you pass him up because he’s 5’7” and your height cutoff is 5’8”, you may be nitpicking because you’re not ready to date anyone.
  2. You only message a guy back if you have absolutely nothing else to do. You see his message, of course, but then you decide to load the dishwasher, start the laundry and check the mail. If talking to this guy were a priority, you could wait 3 minutes to start the chores but you’d literally rather do anything in the world before answering that message. You’re not a terrible person; you’re just not ready to prioritize a guy right now. That’s not a bad thing, so give yourself a break and just live your life.
  3. Much like Shania Twain, nothing impresses you much. Oh, you have 3 muscle cars and a yacht? That’s nice, dude. You have a six pack and a doctorate degree? You agree that such accomplishments are impressive on a basic level, but somehow you still feel completely “meh.” Again, you’re not a bad person. It just means that you’re unavailable.
  4. When someone asks you out, you panic and make up a nonexistent conflicting event. “Yeah, drinks Friday night would be good but unfortunately I already promised my friend I’d help her rewrite her resume that night…and right now I have, uh, a big hair washing party to get to. Sorry, maybe next time.” You’re not trying to be mean, but you just don’t feel like you really want to go on a date. It’s okay to let yourself off the hook and stay home if that’s what you really want to do.
  5. You love your alone time even more than usual. Everyone needs their alone time, but that becomes especially true when guys are pursuing you and you just want to be left alone. Maybe you’re going through a career or financial crisis, or trying to get over a bad breakup. The important thing to know is that you’re allowed to have and enjoy your alone time so that you can get to the point where you want someone else around. You aren’t required to play along with their interest in order to avoid being rude.
  6. When you’re watching a romantic comedy, the characters’ declarations of undying love make you laugh and roll your eyes a little. If you were ready to date, you’d be saying “Aww!” but, right now, your mind just isn’t operating that way and it’s not your fault. That part of you will come back eventually, so don’t rush it. Too often, we think that we’re required to always be ready to love someone just because we’re women. Guys are often emotionally unavailable and it’s okay for them, so it’s okay for us too.
  7. It doesn’t bother you to see couples hanging all over each other in public. Well, it doesn’t make you jealous anyway. It may bother you simply in terms of it being gross and unnecessary, or if they are holding hands and walking as slowly as humanly possible in the middle of the aisle so that nobody can get past them to walk at a normal pace. In your mind, you’re thinking about how lucky you are that there’s no one forcing you to walk that slowly or holding up your life in any way.

Love is one of those things you can’t rush, and that includes your readiness for it. There’s nothing wrong with taking your time and really embracing who you are before you jump into a relationship. It’s not possible for anyone to be selfless all the time, but so often that’s what’s expected of women. Don’t feel bad for putting yourself first right now. You deserve it.

Anna Martin Yonk is a freelance writer and blogger in sunny North Carolina. She loves hanging out with her goofy husband and two rescue dogs and can be found at the beach with a drink in hand whenever possible. You can find her on Instagram @mrsyonkdogmom or on her Facebook page.