I’m Ready For A Relationship—The Real Question Is, Do I Even Want One?

I’ve been single for a long time and I finally feel like I’m ready to get into a relationship again. The thing is, I don’t know if I actually want one or if I’d just be doing it because I’m bored.

  1. I’m really starting to like the idea of only worrying about myself. I can’t even remember the last time I had to actively worry about another person besides myself. I mean, yes, I’m ready to take care of someone else and am in the right place for it, but do I WANT to give away that love and attention just because I’m able to? Wouldn’t it be better to use it for myself? These are the questions I’m grappling with right now.
  2. So many girls my age are happily single—why can’t that be me? It’s weird—the second I feel good and ready to, I dive right into a partnership, not even taking the time to live a happy single life. It’s so unfair how it’s seen as “sad” when a woman is single but people think nothing of dudes on their own. I see girls all around me who are happy rolling solo—that should be me!
  3. I don’t want to jump into a relationship just for the sake of it. I don’t just want any old relationship, I want THE relationship. Maybe it’s better to just wait for the right person to come along instead of jumping on the first guy who gives me a second look, which I know for a fact that I’ll regret down the road. I need to think twice about whether or not I really truly WANT to be with this person, otherwise, it might end in disaster.
  4. I’ve always been apprehensive about dating. I always had a hard time coming to a conclusion on whether or not I want to date someone. Most of my relationships actually consisted of the other person convincing me to be with them and then me finally saying yes. I should learn to stick to my guns and only go for the guys I really, truly like. That’s what’ll make me happy, after all.
  5. I have this “all or nothing” attitude when it comes to relationships. A lot of people might think that being picky is a bad thing but to me, it’s the best possible trait to have as a dater. Sure, I might spend a lot more time alone than most other girls, but at least when I DO get into a relationship will be happy times because it’ll something I actually wanted, not something that I felt pressured into or settled for.
  6. There’s no rush. I’ve got LOTS of time. Even as a late twenty-something, I figure that I’ve got a good five years or singledom before I should be thinking about settling down with someone. So many people just get into relationships because they’re bored or even get together out of convenience and then end up unhappy. I’m NOT falling into that trap. I’m taking my own sweet time, thank you very much.
  7. I should really just follow my gut on this. Honestly, the best thing I can do is just listen to my intuition. My mind might be saying that I’m ready but my gut could be telling me otherwise. There’s a reason why I’m not necessarily attracted to a relationship right now and I just need to trust that.
  8. I’ve gotten so used to being single. I’m not sure if I’m ready to give up my carefree single life. I kinda equate being ready for a relationship to being ready for not being totally awkward and I’m definitely ready to put my best foot forward. Still, another part of me doesn’t want to share my bed with anyone and doesn’t want to play by another person’s rules and worry about their feelings. It’s just a headache sometimes, am I right?
  9. I don’t want to pursue a relationship out of fear of not having one. I may be ready to take the plunge into a serious relationship but I gotta make sure that the reason I’m doing it is a good one. Doing it out of fear of being alone is NOT the right way to go about it because that feeling of loneliness will just come crawling back without fail, making the whole relationship a waste of time. I always find the best relationships grow out of inspiration. I want to be inspired to be with someone and it turns out I’m just not feeling that right now.
  10. Quality relationships are looking bleak these days. I’m a part of a generation that experienced the highest rate of divorce in history AND has access to the largest dating pool since who knows when, so my desire for a relationship is just not as high as it would’ve been decades ago and you can’t really blame me for it. Maybe I’ll meet someone who will totally inspires me to want a real relationship but for now, I’m totally fine waiting it out.
Jennifer is a playwright, dancer, and theatre nerd living in the big city of Toronto, Canada. She studied Creative Writing at Concordia University and works as a lifestyle writer who focuses on Health, B2B, Tech, Psychology, Science, Food Trends and Millennial Life. She's also a coreographer, playwright, and lyricist, with choreography credits for McMaster University’s “Spring Awakening,” “Roxanne” for the Guelph Contemporary Dance Festival, and “The Beaver Den” for The LOT, among others.

You can see more of her work on her Contently page and follow her on Instagram @jenniferenchin.