Maybe Modern Dating Isn’t The Problem — You Are

Maybe Modern Dating Isn’t The Problem — You Are ©iStock/lechatnoir

Dating sucks, sure, and there are enough douchebag guys out there to make any girl feel down about her prospects of finding love — but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. If you’re starting to feel like you can’t even be bothered anymore, maybe it’s time to take a look in the mirror and realize that your lack of relationship success may be partly your own fault. Here’s why:

  1. Ghosting gets you down. Hate to break it to you, but ghosting is definitely here to stay. If you can’t accept that, you shouldn’t be dating at all. It’s time to get over it and remember that it’s not your fault and it has nothing to do with you.
  2. You always expect a second date. Unfortunately, second dates are pretty few and far between these days unless things are going SUPER well. People are picky and not into giving tons of second chances, for better or for worse. Yeah, you’re going to make an awesome girlfriend someday, but that doesn’t mean that every guy you meet is going to want to see you again. If you can chill out and enjoy your first dates and think that a second date is a lucky bonus, you’ll have a much better time.
  3. You’re glued to your iPhone. Texting sucks, so why do you care so much about it? Put your phone away sometimes and focus on other stuff. You know, like your actual job. When you can come up for air every once in a while, that jerk from the other night who didn’t text you back won’t matter so much.
  4. You take it all personally. Yeah, sometimes a guy totally creeps you out and it’s his fault that you won’t see him again. But you’re not creepy, so don’t take it personally when you get rejected or broken up with or even just insulted on a first date. It sucks but it happens. It’s amazing what developing a super thick skin can do for your dating life.
  5. You want a BF too much. It’s definitely possible to seem way too into the idea of being in a relationship. You can want love, but it’s not cool to act so obvious about it. Be cool with your life the way that it is and you’ll be so much more attractive.
  6. You complain about dating apps. Sure, they suck sometimes. Okay, all the time. But if you’re going to use them, then use them and stop whining. Apps are a great way of meeting people if you never do. They’re not the worst, they’re not the best, they’re just whatever. Give Tinder the honest try or delete it forever, but either way, no one wants to hear you crying about it.
  7. You feel sorry for yourself. When you go on a crappy date, when your best friend falls in love, when you realize it’s been two months since you met anyone decent. It’s time to pick yourself up and try again. It’s not exactly realistic to plaster a constant smile on your face, but the self-deprecation isn’t a super cute look. Once you realize that everyone goes through this stuff, you’ll never throw a pity party again.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.