The Realities Of Relationships That No One Wants To Talk About

When you’re with the right person, the sacrifices you make are far outweighed by the good things that come from being committed to someone. That being said, relationships still take work, and while no one really talks about these 8 relationship realities, that doesn’t make them any less true.

  1. True intimacy is peeing with the door open. Anyone can have sex, but it takes real intimacy to pee with the door open, pick your nose or have your S.O. check out that weird mole you’ve been freaking out about. Yes, it sounds gross, but there’s something amazingly comforting in knowing that someone loves you entirely, grossness, quirks and all.
  2. Passion peters… period. If you and your partner still have an unquenchable lust for each other after several years, you deserve a round of applause. But for most of us, after some time, sweats replace our slinky date-night outfits and after-dinner activities include indulging in ice cream sundaes instead of each other. Yes, that “I gotta have you now” feeling fades, but an “I know you’re there for me,” feeling takes its place and that’s pretty darn great.
  3. Finding “The One” will not fulfill you completely. Love is certainly a big part of feeling fulfilled, but it won’t fulfill you completely. For that, you need to know your self-worth. That’s where a satisfying career, true friendships and a deep sense of spirituality come in.
  4. Love in relationships ebbs and flows. In a committed relationship, there will be days when it’s hard to love the one you’re with. Then, there will be days — moments, even — when you feel a surge of affection for your S.O. There will be days when it seems like you love him more than he loves you, and vice versa. And maybe it’s true. But in the long run, your continuous, underlying love for each other is what makes it work.
  5. Relationships are about what you put into them as much as what you get out of them. You can get a lot out of relationships: love, security, happiness, comfort, compassion, companionship. But you need to make sure your S.O. is getting these things, too. If one person is giving or receiving more than the other, this will most likely lead to anger, resentment and lack of respect. But if the other’s happiness and well-being is each person’s top priority, your relationship is bound to be a success.
  6. Every day is an effort. Some days are better than others, and of course, you also need to take care of yourself. But every day you each need to do what you can to make the other happy. It’s the little things: getting their coffee ready in the morning, sending a sweet text or passing over the remote. When you really love someone, wanting to make them happy just comes naturally. If the selflessness is one-sided, you may need to reconsider your relationship.
  7. Sometimes you miss the excitement of being single. There’s nothing like that single girl feeling of getting ready for a night out with your friends and knowing that anything could happen. Then there’s the freedom to flaunt and flirt as much as you want. Seeing your single friends pick up guys may make you wistful, but remember, along with dating comes uncertainty, insecurity and the mind games. Your love life may be predictable, but it’s nice to no longer have to wonder: “What’s he thinking?” or “What did he mean by that?” or “Where is this going?”
  8. Monogamy is a conscious choice. Being in a relationship doesn’t suddenly erase your sense of attraction, and we’re all susceptible to temptation. Sometimes, it takes a real conscious effort to steer clear of situations that may jeopardize your faithfulness. Every relationship has its issues, and at times, can even feel stale. But if your guy is worth it, you won’t want to risk losing your deep connection by giving in to a moment of weakness that you’ll later regret.
No longer "perpetually single." | Writer | New Englander | Dog Fanatic