Why It Really Doesn’t Matter How Many People You’ve Slept With

One of the most taboo things for men or women to talk about is the number of people they’ve slept with, because apparently your number of sexual partners is a big deal. Not everyone is hung up on this, but many women end up feeling like their number defines them. They keep it secret and lie when asked. I’m here to tell you your sex number doesn’t matter. Forget what others say or think – they’re wrong. You’re not a number, you’re a person. The next time someone dares to criticize your number, remember these things:

  1. You have plenty of other numbers to share. You’re dating a new guy or talking to a girlfriend and the number question comes up. Why is it that’s the only number they’re interested in? You do have other numbers in your life. Talk about how many years you spent getting your doctorate or how many times you’ve cried over breakups. List how many TV shows you’ve binged on in the past year or how many new restaurants you’ve tried. Sounding ridiculous? That’s because it is. It’s just another number. Sharing all your other numbers makes others feel like idiots for making such a big deal out of it.
  2. You’re not sleeping with them all at once. So what if your number hits triple digits? While it’s impressive, the point is you’re not sleeping with all your past partners at once. Why should someone be offended? Unless they agree to a threesome, you’re just sleeping with them at that moment. It’s okay, it’s not like you’re a walking orgy.
  3. You enjoy sex. It’s okay to enjoy sex. It’s not a bad thing. You’re not promiscuous if your number is higher than the guy or girl that’s currently giving you “the look.” As long as sex isn’t a dangerous addiction for you, do what you want to do. Your number isn’t important. Just be responsible and have fun with as many partners as you want.
  4. It doesn’t equal experience. One reason people are so terrified of sharing their number is they’re afraid they’ll sound inexperienced. If you’ve had 20 mediocre lovers, you’re no more experienced than the person who had two great ones. Your sex number doesn’t matter in the experience department. You get experience from trying new things with a partner. You could do this with one person or numerous partners. No matter what someone’s number might be, you always have something new to learn and share.
  5. Sex doesn’t mean love. Far too many people judge you based on how many people you’ve slept with because they think you’re bad at relationships. Sex doesn’t mean you’re in love or in a relationship. Has anyone ever heard of a one night stand? My guess is those with larger numbers probably haven’t been in the same number of relationships. You’re welcome to have some fun between relationships. You don’t have to sit at home patiently waiting for the perfect man to come and take you away. You have a life. Enjoy it.
  6. It’s made you who you are. Whether you cared for your partners or they were random hookups, every sexual experience has helped shape who you are. The number itself doesn’t matter. It’s the experience itself. The thing is, it’s in the past. Your number along with all your other life experiences have made you into the woman you are today. Be proud of it and embrace your number proudly.
  7. Real guys don’t care.  This actually goes for both men and women. Personally, I like to know the number if the relationship starts getting serious. It’s not about judging. I’m more curious if he’ll judge me. Real guys don’t care about your number and they’re not embarrassed to share theirs. It can turn into a fun conversation about you do and don’t like in bed, funny sex stories and things you’ve always wanted to try. The thing to remember is if he’s not comfortable talking about it, what else is he not comfortable talking about with you?
  8. You’re not a cheater. I know this sounds insane, but I’ve had far too many women tell me they didn’t date a guy because his high number must mean he cheats. How does your  number equate to cheating? I can’t even begin to understand this one. People do have free time between relationships. Both sexes are notorious for rebound hookups. If you think they’re a cheater, find some real proof instead.
  9. There’s not perfect number. Some people say you should only ever have one partner. Others say you need at least one a year from the time you’re in late high school. I say it’s all a bunch of BS. Go ahead. Search online and see if there’s some magical, perfect number everyone agrees on. Too few partners and you’re an inexperienced prude. Too many and you get called a whole list of nasty names. There’s no middle ground. Until there’s a definitive answer to the perfect number, your number doesn’t matter at all.
  10. Your health isn’t tied to your number. Oh no, she’s slept with 25 guys so she must have an STD. How many times have you heard this one? You could have the misfortune of losing your virginity and getting an STD at the same time. Your partner may have only been with one other person. The truth is, you can’t judge if someone has a sexual disease based on their number. It doesn’t matter at all. What matters is always using condoms and getting checked out regularly.

Be proud of your number no matter what it is. Never be ashamed and don’t feel like you have to lie.

Crystal Crowder is a freelance writer and blogger. She's a tech geek at heart, but loves telling it like it is when it comes to love, beauty and style. She's enjoys writing music, poetry and fiction and curling up with a great book. You can find her on Twitter @ccrowderwrites or check out her other writing on Medium.