It seems like everyone is either engaged or getting married these days. Wedding weekends fill up our lives once we hit our late 20s, and there’s so much pressure to join the group. Whether single or in a long-term relationship, everyone gives us crap for not being headed towards the alter — but enough is enough. Marriage isn’t for every couple, and there’s no shame in not wanting to walk down the aisle.
Changing your last name is a pain in the ass. So this isn’t the deepest reason ever, but it’s still true. If you get married and don’t take his last name, you get almost as much flack as if you don’t get married at all. Not that you should care what other people think, but it does get annoying.
You already live and pay bills together, so what’s the difference? It’s pretty much the same, other than your taxes and whatever debt you accumulated from throwing some huge ass party so other people can enjoy your marriage.
A marriage is harder to end than a “partnership.” We can pretend that every marriage will last forever, but common sense and experience tell us otherwise. The hard fact is that a lot of marriages don’t last and you need to be prepared for that possibility. No matter how in love you think you are right now, it could all come crashing down, and that costs money.
You’re a grown-ass, independent woman. You DO NOT need a marriage to define you. I’m not trying to talk you out of marriage, but if you’re only doing it because it’s the social norm and you want to feel taken care of, grow a set and recognize you don’t need marriage to solidify your baddassery!
There are still ways to be protected in a relationship without getting married. If you feel like you need to be married to protect your assets, or to ensure you have rights over your significant other, there are things you can do to protect yourself. Visit unmarried.org to review all of your options!
He’s probably more OK with the idea than you think. If you know you don’t want to get married and are only considering it because you’re afraid he will leave you, talk to him about it. He loves you, right? He’ll be willing to listen to your reasons and ideas on the subject. At the end of the day, you don’t need a man, and if you can’t come to terms then perhaps you should reconsider a lifetime with him.
You can raise children without being married. Being married doesn’t automatically make people better parents. We all know plenty of miserable, married couples with kids. If marriage isn’t for you, don’t do it just for the sake of children. If you want to have a family with your significant other, then go for it.
It is not 1953. If you don’t believe in waiting until marriage to have sex, then you don’t need marriage to do your thing. Since most women have probably had sex before they’ve even met their husbands or life partners, it seems ridiculous to keep letting society make us feel bad for expressing our sexuality. (If you do believe in waiting until marriage, that’s awesome too! Your dedication to this vow is super impressive and admirable.)
You can still grow old together without being married. Marriage doesn’t determine how strong a relationship is. Marriages fail just like long-term partnerships, but the opposite is also true. Wearing a Honda on your finger does not mean he loves you anymore than if you bought the car together instead! Instead of getting married, my man and I bought a house to take our relationship to the next level. Still a big commitment, but something we could also enjoy together and one day raise a family in.
You can call him your husband or whatever you like. If you feel like you’re too old or have been together too long to keep calling him your boyfriend, then just call him your husband! It isn’t anyone’s business whether you went to the courthouse and signed the paperwork.
You can still wear a banging ring or something else to symbolize your commitment to one another. Who says a beautiful ring is only for the legally wed? Screw that! Sparkly things are for all of us beautiful girls, so if you want something shiny that says “I’m taken,” discuss it with him. He’ll probably be happy to oblige.
Marriage simply isn’t for everyone. For whatever reason, we don’t all want to be married. It doesn’t matter why, and you shouldn’t feel the need to explain it to people even when they’re obnoxious and ask you a zillion questions about your choice not to wed. It’s your life and you should do what works for you.
For those chicks out there that want to get married, are getting married, or are already married, this is not a slight against you! Marriage is another choice we can make in our lives, and if you’ve chosen to make it, then that’s totally awesome! But for those of you who don’t see marriage in your future, that’s awesome too. You define your own happiness girls, so do what makes you happiest!
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