What It Really Feels Like To Be Insecure In Your Relationship

When you’re single, it’s easy to think that life will completely change when you’re finally in a relationship. You hope that those changes will be for the better, and some of them are, but there’s also that annoying insecurity lurking around every corner — and if you don’t get it under control, it could ruin everything.

  1. You’re always on pause. You keep waiting for the relationship to fit your idea of perfection that you ignore the fact that no relationship is perfect. Because you’re always hoping that something or other will change or improve, you’re always holding on for that moment and not truly living in the moment.
  2. You have no idea what the future holds. There was a time when the future looked super bright and it involved the two of you together, but now you’re not sure at all. All the plans you made — even if they were only in your head — seem shaky at best, and you just don’t know how to proceed.
  3. You spend too many nights alone. You don’t fill up your social calendar because you don’t know if your boyfriend might want to hang out or not. When you find out that he’s already planned a night with the guys, you’re stuck at home alone because you were planning everything around him.
  4. You don’t trust him anymore. He may not even have done anything to warrant your lack of trust, but you look at him with a constant side eye, unsure what he’s hiding but suspicious that there’s something he’s not telling you. This is more about you than him, but you can’t see that from inside your paranoia.
  5. You’re insanely jealous. You used to laugh at girlfriends who turned into complete monsters but now that’s totally you. You wonder about every girl who comments on your boyfriend’s Facebook posts, you’re envious of his cute female coworker, and you’re sure his guys’ nights are an excuse to meet other women.
  6. You can’t put your finger on what’s wrong, but you know there’s something. On the surface, things between you are going just fine, but you can’t help feeling that there’s something that’s not quite right. That almost hurts even worse than if there was something really wrong, because you remember all the good times and have no idea how you got here.
  7. You snap all the time. You used to be a pretty level-headed person, but that’s gone now. You’re frustrated and annoyed and keep snapping at him, which of course just makes things even worse and results in unnecessary (and nonsensical) fights.
  8. Your friends and family are confused. When things are going wrong in your relationship, it’s not only you and your BF that notice, but your friends and fam, too. When you’re insecure about your status, don’t be surprised if your best friend or sister start asking you if something is up. That’s probably a sign that things are headed downhill.
  9. You’ve stopped enjoying the little things. You no longer get excited about a new episode of How To Get Away With Murder or your morning Starbucks. Everything feels totally bleak and miserable because your relationship’s not quite right, and you’re feeling pretty dramatic about it.
  10. You blame yourself. This is the worst side-effect. You can’t stop running through everything you’ve said and done and wondering if you could be doing something different to make your relationship better. But if something’s wrong with your relationship, it may not have anything to do with you. The problem is, you’ll never know if you don’t talk to him about it.
Aya Tsintziras is a freelance lifestyle writer and editor from Toronto, Canada. In addition to writing about dating and relationships for Bolde, she also writes about movies, TV, and video games for ScreenRant and GameRant. She has a Political Science degree from the University of Toronto and a Masters of Journalism from Ryerson University. You can find her on Twitter @ayatsintziras and on Instagram @aya.tsintziras.