Is He Really Into You Or Just Passing Time Until Someone Better Shows Up?

When you’ve been played more than the latest Taylor Swift song, it’s understandable that you might be a little paranoid when you start dating someone new. Even when a guy seems like he’s crazy about you, you’ve been around long enough to know that it might only be a matter of time before he peaces out when someone hotter, smarter, or “cooler” shows interest in him. If you’re not sure if this guy is just using you as a snack until the main course comes along, ask yourself if he’s displaying any of these signs:

  1. He goes all-in right from the start. It seems like the opposite would be true, but the guy who goes 100 mph right from the start of a fling or relationship is almost guaranteed to exit it just as fast. He gets a rush out of that “new girl” feeling, and when things start to get more comfortable, he’s going to get bored. Then, just as he jumped in head-first with you, he’s going to find a different girl who gives him the same rush that you did in the beginning. Before you know it, his “shiny new toy” syndrome will lead him away from you and right into her arms.
  2. He’s always on his phone while you’re together. Don’t kid yourself. You know he’s talking to other girls, I know he’s talking to other girls, EVERYONE knows he’s talking to other girls. Even if they are “just friends,” the fact that he’s constantly attached to his screen while he’s with you is a pretty obvious sign that he’s trying to keep other options around just in case things go south with you.
  3. He doesn’t make plans for the future with you. If you feel like you’re pulling teeth by getting him to commit to something that’s happening three days from now, it might be because he’s not 100 percent sure he’ll want you around in three days. Some people really are busy and have a tough time finding space for the people they’re dating, but if this dude seriously NEVER can give you a straight answer on whether he can do something with you next week or next month, keep your guard up.
  4. He hasn’t deleted his dating apps. Even if he’s not active on them, the fact that he still has them sitting on his phone is proof that he’s not completely ready to let go of hope that someone better for him is out there. Don’t let him convince you that he just keeps forgetting to delete them — he’s keeping them there as his backup plan for if and when he gets bored with you.
  5. He doesn’t make it clear that you two are together. Does he avoid PDA with you while you’re in public? Does he introduce you as his “friend” to people he cares about? In the beginning stages of an almost-relationship, this is somewhat acceptable, but should he continue to be super platonic with you as time moves on (especially in the presence of other women), be prepared for him to ditch you for someone else.
  6. He drags his feet when it comes to commitment. Some guys are just commitmentphobes because they fear losing their independence. Others, however, are worried about committing because that means they officially aren’t allowed to sleep with anyone else. If you want to make things official and he’s reluctant to get on board, watch out for other signs that it might be due to his interest in pursuing other women.
  7. He left someone else to be with you. When you don’t have a lot of experience with guys like this, the fact that he put another woman aside to be with you might seem flattering. It gives you the impression that he adores you so much, he couldn’t resist being with you even if it meant leaving another girl to make it happen. But the reality is that his actions aren’t a reflection of how awesome you are — they’re a reflection of how much he sucks. If he’s cool with leaving another girl for you, he’s going to be cool with leaving you for another girl.
  8. He’s very hot and cold. Some days, he’s blowing up your phone and pushing you to hang out ASAP. Other days, he can’t be bothered to send replies longer than one word. What gives? Well, he’s probably wrestling with whether he wants to be with you or let you go to be with another girl. Guys who go from extreme to extreme like this are often caught between thinking you’re the greatest creation on Earth and wondering if they’re screwing themselves over by not looking for something greater than the greatest.
  9. There’s a girl in his life who gives you a weird feeling. Maybe she’s a coworker or a study buddy or his childhood BFF, but either way, something about her just gives off weird vibes. Even if he insists that nothing’s wrong, your gut tends to pick up on things that your brain and your heart might miss. If this is the only sign you’re getting that he might have a wandering eye, you can probably just shake it off, but if there are other yellow or red flags cropping up, it might be time to ask yourself if he’s just keeping you around until she gives him the green light.
  10. You’re always the first one to message him. This is a classic sign of an uninterested dude, but it might also mean that he likes you… just not as much as he likes someone else. Particularly if he’s always on his phone while he’s with you, this is a huge indication that he’d prefer to let someone else occupy his attention and his inbox.
Averi is a word nerd and Brazilian jiu jitsu brown belt. She's also a TEFL/TESOL-certified ESL teacher and an equine enthusiast. Originally from Pennsylvania, she lived in Costa Rica for a while before moving to Australia. In addition to her work as a writer and editor for Bolde, she also has bylines with Little Things and regularly writes for Jiu-Jitsu Times.

You can follow Averi on Instagram @bjjaveri or on Twitter under the same handle.