Co-dependency is a hell of a drug. You don’t even realize you’re hooked until it’s too late. You might think it’s just true love at work, but love is the opposite of co-dependency. Here’s how you can tell the difference:
Real love is balanced.
If you have a truly loving relationship, there’s not a lot of drama. Instead, you’ll find love, understanding, and happiness. You’ll know how to deescalate fights rather than intensifying them, and you’ll be able to meet in the middle even when you disagree.
Real love isn’t needy.
There’s no balance in co-dependency; everything in your relationship is full of extremes. If you feel like you need him desperately and he feels the same way, that’s being co-dependent. You can’t relax because you’re worried all the time. When it’s real love, you can breathe and be yourself.
Real love means being autonomous.
If you have a solid relationship, the two of you can stand on your own as independent entities. You don’t have to do everything together or act as a unit. You act as equal and separate partners who choose to be with each other. It’s very different. You’re secure enough in the relationship to let your partner do his own thing.
Real love is trusting and positive.
When you’re co-dependent, you can’t be apart because you don’t trust each other. This is a relationship built on insecurity. You can’t have a healthy partnership without trust, and real love is built on a healthy foundation of mutual confidence and understanding.
Real love provides honesty and communication.
If you’re talking and working on issues constantly, chances are you’re in good shape. You understand and respect each other, so you treat each other like equals by properly communicating. You want your love to succeed and you genuinely care for each other, so you put in the real work.
Real love isn’t jealous or dramatic.
In a co-dependent relationship, you’re always fighting. You’re jealous and always worried that your partner is cheating. You can’t communicate or see eye-to-eye on anything. When you share real love, there’s no need for drama because you know your partner would never intentionally hurt you.
Real love is light and easy.
A relationship is never easy, per se, but you don’t have to try so hard at everything when it’s right. The two of you just fit together naturally. You accept each other at face value, so there’s no need to strain or push or fight to make it work. When something does come up, it’s not a big deal. You know it won’t break you up or ruin everything. You won’t have this kind of luxury in a stressful co-dependent relationship.
Real love is selfless.
When you’re co-dependent, you only think of yourself. Even if you do something nice for your partner, it’s mostly about getting back appreciation and reward. If you feel the favor isn’t returned, then you get bitter and resentful. If you’re really in love, you give freely without demanding reciprocation. You’re happy to do whatever it takes to make your partner satisfied.
Real love has no limits.
You don’t put conditions or rules on real love. You understand each other and communicate well enough to make that unnecessary. If there’s an issue, you work it out and both of you are happy to do whatever makes everything okay. That’s a mature partnership process. You know that it’s worth it, so you fight for it however you must.
Real love lifts you up.
There’s no hope in a co-dependent relationship. It never feels quite right, and instead of lifting each other up you’re tearing each other down. You think it’s love because you need each other so badly. That’s actually the opposite of love; you’re strangling each other. Real love actually makes you feel like you can do anything because the two of you are so powerful together.
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