Are You Really Nice, Or Are You Just Letting People Walk All Over You?

There’s a difference between being a good person and being a pushover, but some people seem to think the two go hand-in-hand. If you take a lot of pride in being a nice girl, first make sure you’re not actually letting people walk all over you:

  1. A nice girl has a backbone. A doormat lets jerks walk all over her. Being nice doesn’t mean that douchebags get a free pass to do or say whatever they want, but a doormat will roll over anyway and take whatever is thrown at her just for the sake of achieving the “nice” image. That image matters more to her than her own happiness and security. Even the nicest woman knows how to set boundaries to prevent herself from becoming a doormat.
  2. A nice girl is considerate of other people’s feelings. A doormat has no regard for her own feelings. It doesn’t matter if someone else is making her feel uncomfortable — a doormat will sit there and take it because in her mind, telling a pushy weirdo to f*ck off is “mean” regardless of the circumstances. She’s strangely protective of people who don’t care about her or her well-being. She thinks this will give her some kind of an advantage in the long run, but her weakness just makes her an easy target for the next sociopath who comes her way. A nice girl knows to prioritize herself even if it means a jerk has to go home feeling a little worse about himself.
  3. A nice girl puts an end to bullsh*t. A doormat lets the same thing happen repeatedly. A nice girl is capable of recognizing and stopping things that are having a negative impact on her life, but a doormat puts herself through the same soul-sucking crap for years while expecting a different outcome each time. Making the same mistake repeatedly is pure insanity, but a doormat doesn’t care.
  4. A nice girl respects herself. A doormat has no self-esteem. Self-esteem comes from within, and a nice girl knows that. She doesn’t seek validation from external sources like a doormat would, and she doesn’t expect others to make her feel like a princess even when her life isn’t going as planned. Even if she’s feeling low, a nice girl will consider her own future and make decisions accordingly.
  5. A nice girl has solid friends. A doormat associates with anyone who pays attention to her. Good friends aren’t meaningless fillers, but a doormat sees them that way. Friends are status symbols to a doormat, and she doesn’t really care what kind of people she assigns to that role as long as she can call on them whenever she wants. A nice girl actually has standards for her friends.
  6. A nice girl is humble. A doormat is insecure. A nice girl sees her worth but still acknowledges her flaws. She knows that flaws aren’t necessarily a negative thing unless she blows them out of proportion and makes them an excruciating headache for someone else. A doormat is so insecure that her flaws are always front and center, and she has no sense of humor about it.
  7. A nice girl sees room for improvement. A doormat stays the same. No one will ever reach “perfect,” but there’s always plenty of room to learn, and a nice girl is fully aware of this. A doormat thinks that her behaviors are completely unchangeable and everyone just needs to accept her for who she is.
  8. A nice girl cares what certain people think of her. A doormat cares what everyone thinks of her. A nice girl is concerned with the opinions of those who care about her because she cares about them in return. She knows that it’s impossible to please everyone, and it doesn’t matter if a random drunk person at a bar likes her or not. A doormat will stress over the opinions of everyone that she meets because she bases her own value on brief interactions with strangers.
  9. A nice girl makes no excuses. A doormat will do anything to protect herself. To a nice girl, making a mistake is only a failure if she doesn’t learn from it. Mistakes are detrimental to a doormat because she’ll place blame on anyone but herself for the sake of self-preservation. She’ll never learn when she’s protecting herself from her own mistakes, and the result will be that she’ll only end up appearing even more insecure.
  10. A nice girl cuts toxic people out of her life. A doormat makes exceptions. “Family” isn’t a valid excuse for a nice girl. Sharing similar DNA is no reason to keep helping a destructive person who causes nothing but trouble. A nice girl has plenty of strength to look past the bonds of family or even former friendship, but a doormat lets labels determine whether or not she allows unworthy people to be in her life.
Lauren Clark is a writer and news curator based in Denver, Colorado with bylines here on Bolde and at While she’s vehemently anti-social media, you can find her on LinkedIn.