It sucks to be dating a guy and feeling like you need to hop into bed with him pretty much right away because he’ll move on to the next girl if you don’t. We know it’s not right, but that doesn’t mean it’s not tempting to just give in to pressure so he’ll stick around. If the guy you’re seeing is trying to convince you to sleep with him before you’re ready, this is why you shouldn’t feel obligated to do it:
- Sex should be earned, not expected. Even if hookup culture is making sex pretty readily available these days, that doesn’t mean you need to partake if you don’t want to. Sex is still an intimate experience, and a lot of people still view it as something that should only be shared with someone you fully trust and care about. Rather than letting a guy’s libido guide you, use your own gut feeling. Even if he’s promising that he’ll never hurt you or that you can trust him, trust yourself first.
- Waiting weeds out the losers out much sooner. When you wait until you’re ready on your own terms, you’ll weed out the jerks who are only looking to get laid. A guy who doesn’t value you in his life will leave as soon as he isn’t getting what he wants out of you, so holding out a bit can actually serve your best interests if you’re looking for more than just a casual hookup.
- Sex isn’t the only great thing about dating someone. There are plenty of other things a guy should be focusing on when he spends his time with you. You want a guy to know who you are and what you stand for, not just how you lay down. A good guy will take the time to get to know you and won’t push his sexual agenda on you because he respects who you are as a person. Don’t be fooled into thinking that a guy who pressures you is just crazy about you — he’s probably another player looking for a quick and easy fix.
- You have the right to say no until you feel comfortable. Have you ever been in a situation with a guy where he took your firm no as a hooking tactic and actually started pushing for it even more? Stop. Collect yourself and GTFO. You have every right to say no — you’re not being a tease or playing hard to get. You’re simply not ready. Stop punishing yourself for your right to say no when you don’t feel like it.
- If he’s the right guy, time won’t be an issue. If he actually gives a genuine crap about you and is dating you for real, then no amount of time in waiting for sex will stop him from continuing to see you. Don’t waste any more of your time with self-serving idiots who don’t care about your personal comfort — you can do better.
- You’ll see a guy’s true colors when you hold off until you’re ready. If you say no to a guy and he flies off the handle or falls off the radar, look at it as a huge blessing in disguise. The way a guy behaves when he doesn’t get sex right away shows who he is and what his intentions are. You have better things to do than date a guy who only sees you as a sexual object.
- There’s no need to rush if he plans to stick around. If a guy wants to date you for you, sex is only a bonus along the way, not an immediate necessity. Sure, sex in a relationship is important, but there are a ton of other things to share together before you share your body with him. If a guy tells you that sex is his biggest priority in his quest for finding love, don’t it let it swing you into doing something you’re not ready for yet. If he has the best intentions, it won’t make him leave.
- You’re more than just sex. Even if society has conditioned you to believe that your value is based on your body and what you can offer with it, it’s simply not true. You’re a woman with a career, a unique personality, and an entire life outside of your relationship with a man. Don’t ever forget that a good guy will love everything about you that the wrong ones took for granted.
- Follow your own timeline and don’t apologize. There’s a lot of pressure in dating now to get down to business before you really know each other. Even though there’s no harm in having casual hookups if that’s what you’re into, if you’re looking for something meaningful, it’s harder to find when sex becomes the main agenda right from the start. The next time a guy tries to sleep with you before you’re ready, hold your ground and don’t apologize. If he’s the right guy for you, he’ll happily wait. If not, you’ve only saved yourself from another unnecessary and disappointing player.