Is He Really “The One” Or Are You Just Taking What You Can Get?

By the time you reach 30, you should have your life figured out, a ring on your finger, and be on your way to starting a family, right? Not really. You may logically know that there’s no right age to achieve those milestones—if you even want to in the first place, that is—but it’s hard not to hurry up and settle when everyone around you seems to be getting married and having babies. If you’re questioning your relationship, here are a few ways you can tell if you’re totally rushing things with Mr. Wrong:

You’ve already picked out your wedding date.

It’s a day that means a lot to you, and it’s this year. The problem? He doesn’t know about it nor has he proposed yet. So yes, you might be rushing things a bit. “But, my younger sister is super close to an engagement herself, and it’s kind of weird for her to tie the knot before me, right?” Nope. If you’ve legitimately felt that way before, you need to slow things down and try and make sure you actually even like this guy.

You already know you’ll be disappointed by the ring.

Your boyfriend hasn’t even started saving yet, but you just know the proposal, if it happens, won’t look like anything you on your Pinterest wedding board. Listen up: real love isn’t about the ring. He could propose with nothing and if it was the right guy, it would make you happy. If you’re way too focused on the sparkly, you might be missing warning signs that your match isn’t made in heaven.

He knew the number of kids you wanted during the first date.

Look, I get it—you don’t want to waste time and you’re ballsy enough to bring up the topic of kids immediately. That’s normal, but it’s a possible sign that you’re just looking for something to fit the role of “husband” and “father”—and quick.

Thinking about dating is just exhausting.

You’re so over it. You’re over the online dating profiles and you’re over the weirdness that comes with meeting someone new. It makes sense since you’ve done it for years. But you shouldn’t stay with someone average just because you’re too tired to find someone better.

You’re considering going off of birth control.

Obviously, your birth control decisions are up to you, but if you’ve considered switching things up—and not telling your partner— that’s a little screwed up. It can be super easy to get baby fever, especially with a timeline. Just remember that your uterus won’t shrivel up after a certain birthday. If you want kids, you’ll want to have them with someone you love (or, use a donor down the line).

You’re too forgiving of red flags and deal breakers. 

Everyone has faults, but some people have qualities that you’ve always considered to be deal breakers. If you’ve noticed he’s got a terrible temper, he’s laid a hand on you, or if you simply just don’t like being around him, your best bet is to leave. Don’t stick around just because you’re afraid of being single. Being single is 100 percent better than being in a toxic relationship.

Your friends all hate him.

True friends will always have your back, so when they say this guy is no good, they’re not saying, “We’re jealous of the fact that you’re dating him”—they’re saying, “We know you can do so much better than this.” While you should never break up with someone just because someone told you to, you should definitely listen to reason and see if you actually care about this dude.

You’re quickly losing attraction to him.

Not everyone will be at their best at all times, especially when a little thing called “age” sets in. Bodies change and crap happens—that’s obvious—but the older a relationship gets, the more you become attracted to traits like a sense of humor, kindness, and patience. True love turns into such a solid bond. If you can’t find new attractions or maintain the old, you may just be settling.

Or, you’re only with him based on physical attraction.

You two would make super cute kids together. Hopefully, those kids will inherit your personality since his can be a little dull. Is it really worth it?

You’ve noticed yourself hiding married friends on Facebook.

Even if they’ve done nothing wrong to you and have yet to add you to their LipSense group, you just can’t see their happy updates. It’s getting hard for you to see what everyone else is doing on social media since it feels like they’re all steps ahead of you. Remember, it’s not a race. There’s no need to be jealous.

You literally can’t picture what it’ll be like as you grow old together.

You can’t picture him as an old man accompanying you to bingo night. And if you CAN picture it, your heart doesn’t swell over the thought. Marriage is a partnership, and while many of them don’t work out (and that’s okay) the main goal is to be together until you’re both using a senior citizen’s discount on dates.

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