You’re emotionally exhausted from trying to make new connections and your thumb is suffering from repetitive strain syndrome from all the swiping. You feel like you’re doing everything you can to meet someone, then all of a sudden that friend who wasn’t even looking for love lands a new guy. It’s definitely frustrating, but there are reasons that people who stop looking for love are the ones who find it first.
They have the time to enjoy themselves. Dating is a full-time job, and not a particularly fun one. When you pour all your energy into meeting new people, you have none left to kick back and enjoy yourself with friends or by yourself. Someone who’s laid-back and having a good time is way more attractive than the person obsessively scanning the room for new talent. If you want to meet someone, you first have to let loose and enjoy yourself.
They’re in the right place at the right time. If you’re lucky enough to meet someone in real life rather than on an app, chances are you didn’t do it by heading to the same old place every Friday night. People who are out to have fun rather than just meet someone spend more time exploring new places and meeting new people than the girls that hang around the same old haunt hoping to catch someone’s eye. You know it makes sense.
They don’t come across as desperate. When you really want to meet someone, it’s hard to turn off the crazy wedding planner mode and focus on being relaxed, but the people who aren’t desperate for their next relationship do this effortlessly. Being keen is great, but it’s so easy for it to come across as too much when you’ve just met someone, which can be seriously off-putting.
They actually meet more people. When you’re knee-deep in the dating game, it feels like you’re constantly meeting new people. The problem is, your prime social evenings are taken up spent with just one person, and if that goes nowhere, your time’s been wasted. People who go out in groups rather than on solo dates ironically meet way more new people, so they’re more likely to find someone they actually hit it off with.
They’re more interesting to talk to. If all you do is look for love, it’s hard to share your interests with a potential BF when you’re having that all-important first conversation. People who spend their free time learning new skills, having crazy weekends with friends, or trying out sports have way more material to use to connect with someone when they finally stop to have a chat.
They’re more positive. The dating game is rough, and if you’re not careful, it’ll grind you down. People who’ve been unlucky in love can come across as cynical when talking about their experiences, which, if you didn’t already know, is a massive turn-off. Those who aren’t looking for love have a more positive outlook on dating and relationships (if they even want one at all), so they’re much easier to talk to.
They show their true selves. Why do we feel the need to hide who we really are to find a date? Nothing is more attractive to the right person (which, let’s face it, is the person you want to meet) than someone who’s unashamedly themselves. People who aren’t looking for love don’t feel they have anything to conceal and come across more natural and open because of it. See what a difference being yourself makes the next time you’re on the pull.
They don’t treat every conversation like a job interview. If your end goal is to find a man, you end up subconsciously sizing up everyone you first meet. No matter how subtle you think you’re being, it’s pretty obvious if you’re trying to scout out a guy’s eligibility from the get go. Relax and enjoy getting to know someone without feeling it needs to go anywhere, and you’ll be surprised at how things naturally fall into place.
There are no expectations. Expectations are dull and tiring—that’s why we all hate work so much. Give a guy a break and don’t burden him with a load more things he has to be when he’s in his spare time. Having conversations with the expectation they’ll lead somewhere puts a totally different spin on a developing relationship and prevents you from being the natural version of yourself, who’s frankly far more likable!
They know things will happen when the time is right. The people who aren’t actively looking for love can relax because they know everything will happen when the time is right. Why stress out about something that we have so little control over? Spend time enjoying your life and wait for the right guy to come to you. Chances are, when you start doing that, he’ll appear a whole lot sooner.
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